Have You Had Your Dose of Crazy Bitch Yet Today? Roommate #2 (1378 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.89 on 23 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Phoenix <volklcess.at.aol.com> (View user info) at 2004-01-16 14:06:06 EST
Roommate #1: http://www.ubersite.com/m/22586
My early morning shift at the radio station was nearly over - I'd watched the sun rise, played my rock music, and played on the internet. The phone line was blinking, but the phone calls are usually slow and uninteresting this early in the morning and I had to internally debate whether or not it would be really worth it to answer this call. Eh. I hit the button, static hissing noise, and the station's call letters as the standard greeting instead of the generic "Hello."
"Hey baby." Oh, it was my Matt. "Um, I love you. I love you sooo much." This was a little fishy. No guy *EVER* starts a conversation this way unless he's either a) done something bad or b) wants something. My first reaction:
"What did you do?"
"Well, um, I love you, baby." Silence as I wait for him to answer my question. "I found us a new roommate."
It had been about a month since we'd had to kick out James - a wonderful month of no roommates, a month of utter privacy, and being able to have sex in the living room and on kitchen counters (ummm...ignore that last one...). Unfortunately, Matt was working two jobs to make ends meet, and all I had was my seven-dollars-an-hour job as a weekend DJ (resulting in my twice-a-month paychecks usually being a whopping $200 *IF* I got a few remotes in there), so needing a roommate wasn't really a choice, it was a necessity. We'd posted ads on the internet, considered buying an ad in the local newspaper, and pounded our friends for information on anyone they knew looking for a place to live. And this is what we ended up with:
"You know Grant's girlfriend, Lindy? She's moving out of her apartment and needs a place to live."
From the get-go I had a bad feeling about Lindy. Her boyfriend was a good friend of ours so the first time we met her was on a double date where we made insignificant small talk - what part of Reno do you live in? Oh, that's so nice that you and Grant met like that. So where are you working at? Unprompted she announced that she wasn't allowed to "disclose" how much money she makes. Well, thanks. No one was going ask you about your salary.
But living with her? I shrugged it off. So she was a little stuck up, no biggie. I had no problem with her. She'd never done anything to make me think she was anything other than a decent, working-class human being. And above all, she was a rent check.
Before she moved in she insisted that we let her take down the wallpaper in the room that was to be hers. No problem with that - we had been planning on taking the hideous wallpaper in that room down anyway, and if she wanted to do it, well, less work for us. We helped her a little - assisted in the horrid task of tearing down wallpaper, helped primer the dry wall, textured the wall, and even bought the paint for her. The sooner she moved in, the sooner we'd have someone helping with the bills and the mortgage.
When Lindy moved in, she decided to make the *entire* house suitable to her - nevermind that there were three of us who lived there and she was only renting a room. She set up rocking chairs full of teddy bears out in the living room and added multitudes of furniture making the common room look cluttered and gay. And poor Matt! How is he supposed to have the guys over to play poker when there's a huge teddy bear with a red bow occupying a rocking chair right next to the poker table? It was enough even to make me cringe.
Lindy wasn't in the process of losing her mind. Perhaps she'd already lost it. On a day when Grant (her boyfriend) didn't call her at the exact time he told her he'd call, I came home to find her scrubbing stains out of the carpet. She cleaned the living room and kitchen religiously, anally even, but she seemed to have no problem when it came to filth in her bedroom and bathroom. Her bathroom was also our guest bathroom, and during her short stint as our roommate, it got so bad our friends actually started complaining - "Lindy leaves her bloody panties on the floor," "Lindy leaves shit-stained pants in her bathroom," and "that cat box in Lindy's bathroom smells really bad. Does she ever clean it?"
She started disrespecting everything we offered her. She came home one day with a new kitten that she'd told no one she intended on getting (she already had one cat); her boyfriend became our fourth roommate, and with four people living there (one of whom wasn't contributing to our bills) our electricity and water bill sky-rocketed. And all she did was bitch - she came home from work complaining about how a co-worker had glued her locker shut, a co-worker had called her a whore, a co-worker had done this or that. All it was was, "My life sucks. Me me me memememememememe." We hated talking to her so much we resorted to avoiding her - if she was watching TV in the living room, we'd sit in the garage and chain smoke. Our garage became our safe haven. While avoiding Lindy at all costs, we had sacrificed our living room.
She drove her boyfriend like a slave, she had nothing better to talk about then how much her life sucked, and she left bloody underwear in our guest bathroom. Not only did we not want her living with us, but we didn't feel she was a good candidate of a girlfriend for our friend either. The last straw came when she decided she wanted to remodel her bathroom and ultimately *ruined* our guest bathroom. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure this out: either we lost our minds living with her or we kicked her out.
After a heated discussion over a few beers at a neighborhood bar, a drunken group of us stumbled back to the house to sit down and have a talk with Grant and Lindy. We told them that it was rude and disrespectful for Grant to live there without even contributing to some of the bills - sure, it's not a problem if he wants to spend the night occasionally, but he did his laundry there, he took showers there, and he not only started answering the phone, but that was the number he put down on his job applications to be reached at. We let them know they'd destroyed our bathroom, that Lindy was a filthy pig when it came to leaving underwear around, that she was a damper on our good friend Grant, and we didn't think they should be together and we felt she should find other living arrangements.
So Grant and Lindy moved out of our house and moved in with Grant's parents in a small two-bedroom one-bathroom house which was already filled with Grant's two younger siblings, his older brother, a family friend, and a kid who had been disowned from his Mormon family for converting to Catholicism. Not long after they found out Lindy was pregnant.
Odd how Matt had treated it like he'd made a bad decision before he even knew what Lindy would be like as a roommate on that fateful day he called me at work. She'd only lived there for about 2 and a half months so, of course, the question arose as to what we should do now about our roommate situation.
"Well, Joe's moving out of his frat house and needs a place to live."
Joe. Roommate #3. Ugh. I *HATE* Joe....
User Reviews
Submitted by canuckistan (user info) at 2004-02-27 23:45:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sell the house and buy a motel ?
Submitted by RandytheHelpfulPineapple (user info) at 2004-01-17 12:13:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't understand people, and how screwed up they can be.
If you live in a house, you take responsibility equally. Equal rent, equal chores, and equal teddy bear arrangement choice. It astounds me how normal someone is until you live with them.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-01-17 00:19:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have the greatest roommate ever...
<insert awwwwwww's>
She's so wonderful!
Ok, and she reads Über and I spilled chocolate milk on her bedspread tonight. I need to do some asskissing.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2004-01-16 21:46:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Room mates suck. Without fail, they will eat all your food, tie up your phone line, use all the hot water, yada yada yada. I hear ya. I've only ever had one good one, so good luck!
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-01-16 19:32:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Any sentence that involves 'new roommate' and 'frat house' in the same sentence isn't going to end well.
Submitted by xLisaCatx (user info) at 2004-01-16 16:04:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I fell your pain. I've been down many similar roads before.
Submitted by Freeman at 2004-01-16 15:56:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahahahaha...I cant wait for #3...
Submitted by LacyFace16 (user info) at 2004-01-16 15:31:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
roommate hell...like i said! you need a nice neat clean girl (or guy) who isn't a raging psychopath!
i can't wait to hear about joe...hahaha.
i feel for ya.
Submitted by DrunkMonk (user info) at 2004-01-16 15:20:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-01-16 15:15:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's just as well, besides it would have gotten all the uberboys too excited.
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-01-16 15:12:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
loki - Prostitution isn't legal in Washoe County (which is where Reno is).
Submitted by MmmVag (user info) at 2004-01-16 15:10:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It always seems to apply that sub-letters SUCK. Even in my short life.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-01-16 15:05:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I did NOT need to see the thing about peeling skin in the showers. The bloody bloomers was bad enough.
Isn't prostitution legal where you are? I'm just sayin' that has got to be a way out of getting another roommate.
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-01-16 15:03:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
HAHAHAHA SpikeGoddess! She had this ugly stuffed gorilla and we burned it in a bonfire in our backyard one night...hehehehe. Good times.
:-)
Phoenix
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2004-01-16 14:56:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good lordy....
I'd have done something evil with the bears...
SpikeGoddess
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-01-16 14:42:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
crazy psychos.
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-01-16 14:39:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thank you, GodChicken! Your help is much appreciated!!! Silly me though, with my luck I should've known something like that would happen.
:-)
Phoenix
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2004-01-16 14:30:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ha ha! You've had more weird roommates than I have.
I was gonna write about one of them today..now I'm not sure if I should..
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-01-16 14:28:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha!
Oh, some of the roommates I have had in the navy..
"Bones" the skinhead who got kicked out because he took so much acid that he couldn't go to class.. the tracers from the overhead projector made him scream...
"RyRy" who lived in the same cubicle of bunks on the ship.. used to peel the skin from his feet in sheets, he had foot fungus so bad...
ARGHH!
Phoenix: yes, at a healthfood store or GNC sort of place. you need to do some research online about how to clean out, etc... and if all else fails, what your work will do/view it as.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-01-16 14:25:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit, if i lived near you guys i would move in just to make life easier. But i sure as hell wouldnt be eating any food that fell on the counters. Gross.
Submitted by smokymtcsw (user info) at 2004-01-16 14:25:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-01-16 14:23:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
All I can say is that I am so glad I don't need roommates anymore. *knock on wood*
I have 1,000 square feet and they're all mine. Well, a little is mine, mostly it's owned by Chase Manhattan Mortgage...
I can offer you this - especially when living with men - PAY for a house cleaning service at least once a month, and split the bill 3 ways. It will keep you sane.
Submitted by Perplexd (user info) at 2004-01-16 14:19:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I really love these, I can't wait for #3