review me or i will cry :) ( a repeat) (984 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.68 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by iamhewhoisnot (View user info) at 2004-01-19 01:19:56 EST
People love to brag about the things they buy, rich people and poor people
alike. The only difference is that rich people will always talk about their
newly purchased wares by stating how expensive it was. Those less fortunate
instead focus on how cheap their find was.
I am the exception. I am not rich, but I am not poor, so I must be middle
class. I float the range of the spectrum on this subject depending on those
surrounding me. In front of rich friends, I proudly display my 300 dollar
phone that is more like a toy than a phone. See how it stores pictures and
has a separate phone book section for booty call organized by their
respective sexual talents and repertoires. Much like a peacock, I fan my
Lexus keys by boldly displaying them on the counter for all to see and
marvel!!
Conversely, once around those less unfortunate, I keep my keys in my
pocket. I brag about the shoes I procured at Ross, or Rack Room for less
than a twenty dollar bill. I shouted out how i still had enough left after
all the splurging to get me a jumbo jack and a courtesy cup of water
(sneakilly filled with sprite because its clear and looks like water).
But Goodwill, now that's a different story. I will talk your ear off and
burn your retinas writing about some Goodwill because my God has been good
to me. I love the thrift store because you always leave feeling a little
better about yourself at the cost of others misfortune. No matter how down
and out I am, at least I CHOOSE to shop there.
I have found obviously frowning teddy bears clutching pink hearts adorned
with the words I love you; a gift perfect for confusing your significant
other. Try finding a valentines card at hallmark that expresses that
sentiment.
I have bought birthday cards for friends for 10 cents. Cards that at first
glance look like a retard scribbled happy birthday and drew a blue duck
because the artist had never seen a blue duck before and wanted to. Then you
look at the back of the card looking for that hallmark crown, and instead
you are confronted with the news that this card was created by corky, a 5
year old with no arms who had to create this crayola masterpiece by drawing
with his mouth and/or feet. Proceeds from this purchase went to purchase
more art supplies for the venerable little tyke. Cant get mad, its charity.
My most recent purchase involved a pair of sort of "like sweat pants only
not because it had zippers and no elastic cuff at the bottom".
"I love these pants", I would tell anyone who hadn't yet heard of the
wonders of my boot cut sweatpants with zippers. "See, look how suavely they
fit at the ankle. See how they just perfectly drape themselves over the top
of my air force ones. Look at my miraculous and amazing ability to store my
wallet, my cell phone and my car keys in the smoothly gliding up and down
zippered pockets adorning each leg at the hip and one at the left knee. Only
cost me three dollars. Yup sure did."
Punch line after lengthy setup and worthless prose:
12:30 am:
Subject approaches window at convenience store wearing black boot cut sweat
pants...Left hip pocket seems to bulge out from side, possibly concealing
some sort of weapon or huge phallus ... Subject appears to be talking to
clerk...Apparently subject bought pants at goodwill for less than three
dollars...subject talks too much about pants...clerk looks up and reaches
for cigarettes with a disinterested look on his face...subject appears to
not care and babbles on...subject reaches into left hip pocket, presumably
for wallet...wait...subject is cussing at his pants...the zipper appears to
be stuck...subject is yelling something about irony...clerk appears
disinterested and walks away from glass...
Yes, my three dollar pants ate my wallet, my keys, and my cell phone. The
zipper was so beyond stuck that it seemed to smile at me with all two
hundred of its teeth. Smiled mockingly because it knew that its defiance had
stranded me out on the street broke, without a phone and unable to unlock my
vehicle.
For five minutes until I found a stick sharp enough to poke a hole in the
pants (insert your own joke here) thus enabling me to rip the pocket open
from the inside, all I could think was how these stupid fucking three dollar
pants cost me everything: my ride, my booty calls, my cigarettes, my money,
and my pride.
Best part was, at one point, as I am sitting there trying to accomplish this
goal, I look behind me and see that fucking convenience store man laughing
at me from his folding chair of a perch behind bullet proof glass. Wanna
know how
shitty it feels to be laughed at by a wannabe pope?
Pretty fucking shitty. Probably about as bad as you might feel that while
shopping at goodwill, because you have to, you see a spoiled white boy
trying on t shirts, laughing at retard art and buying stupid inanimate
objects with a gold card. Then the mother fucker gets into a Lexus and
drives off smoking a cigarette and hollarin at some girl on one of those
useless camera phones.
Fucking karma.
User Reviews
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-01-14 19:45:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh.
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2006-01-14 19:38:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this was amazingly awesome
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2004-08-26 13:34:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Life is Just
Submitted by reaganslovechild (user info) at 2004-04-10 14:40:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i want you to carresse my every crevace with your man meat
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-04-07 16:41:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The post made me laugh, but the title was annoying.
Submitted by iamhewhoisnot (user info) at 2004-01-23 15:33:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i wasnt ripping it off, i threw it in to conjure memories of and as a salute to the greatness that once was.
Submitted by Wickedriser (user info) at 2004-01-22 14:40:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"drew a blue duck because the artist had never seen a blue duck before and wanted to"
NOO!! how could you rip from Billy Madison like that??!?! Thats almost as bad ripping the Shampoo - Conditioner Fight.
+2 nonetheless
-dan
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-01-22 14:33:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-01-22 14:29:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I reviewed. So there...
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-01-22 14:26:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This was well written, granted. However, it was a tad long-winded to prove a very small point about yourself: You're cheap.
Submitted by ScoutCJustice (user info) at 2004-01-22 14:12:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Good, not great.
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2004-01-19 10:57:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love Goodwill....it's where the rich people get rid of things.... I bought a knee legnth coat from Ralph Loren for $4... woo hoo!!! Go me!! I'm stylin' now!
Submitted by iamhewhoisnot (user info) at 2004-01-19 10:39:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
very much so but i prefer slut.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-01-19 10:19:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There are worse things the zipper could have eaten.
and so another attention whore is born
Submitted by Acarnis (user info) at 2004-01-19 10:04:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good post.
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2004-01-19 08:59:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
goodwill kicks ass!
i bought a pair of brand new royal blue frye cowboy boots there for 10 bucks.
i wore them for over ten years.
not a scratch on the sole brand fuckin new 200 dollar cowboy boots for 10 bucks!
____________________________________________
YES!! Awsome!!
+1 for cowboy boot love.
+1 for a damn good post.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-01-19 08:43:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2004-01-19 08:27:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A most enjoyable read.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2004-01-19 08:19:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
goodwill kicks ass!
i bought a pair of brand new royal blue frye cowboy boots there for 10 bucks.
i wore them for over ten years.
not a scratch on the sole brand fuckin new 200 dollar cowboy boots for 10 bucks!
alot of people who got sick of me talking about this awesome boot score would say: "did you ever think that someone got rid of them because they were ROYAL FUCKING BLUE!?
OBVIOUSLY JEALOUS OF MY BOOT SCORE.
to me the color was an added bonus.
good post.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-01-19 07:27:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-01-19 06:00:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by skatastrophy (user info) at 2004-01-19 03:50:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
how did you know your pants had 200 teeth did you count? is that the kind of extensive research you do for your posts?
Submitted by Freeman at 2004-01-19 02:22:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*pssssst* Hahaha, this is great...
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-01-19 01:43:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And another +2 for not having a 'this is my first post' tag on your first post.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-01-19 01:42:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate to see a grown boy cry.
I liked the wannabe Pope. I am going to steal that line soon as I can think of something for it.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-01-19 01:35:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment