Death, insanity and trains (573 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.78 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Ciaran <ciaran_flanagan.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-01-19 07:29:13 EST
Everyone's got a friend/mate/acquaintance whom they refer to as being "a bit mad" or " a nutter" or in some cases "a fucking nutbar" etc etc so on and so forth......But this is a wee tale about my friend James who is actually nuts. The guy sspends 3/4 of the year in the nuthouse and when he's out he is all doped up on things that resemble horse tranquillisers. Whenever he's out he always catches up to me and makes me go drinking with him and every single time I end up not returning his phone calls and trying to avoid him. Not because I don't like him, no, Its because Id probably end up in jail, or maimed, or dead or some other totally unpleasant end. I have many, many strange and surreal memories of mad, mad times spent with James and I thought I might share one or 2 of these with you (depending on feedback of course)
So take the whirly bird back in time some 12 or 13 years or so, actually I have no idea how long ago it was but we were young and stoopid*. Due to James's parents being strict to the point of being sadistic fuckheads James always had to keep very, very tight schedules. If he told you he was gonna be at your house at 7 o clock the doorbell rang exactly at 7. Anyway one day the doorbell didn't ring at the appointed time. I didn't think too much of it. Same the next day and the next. James didn't turn up for a whole week. I wanted to check on him but Satan's helpers aka his parents didn't allow anyone to call to the door or ring the house...so while he lived 3 mins walk from my front door I had no way to see what was up.
When James did arrive he had the look in his eyes that told me something unique and fucked up was about to happen. I grabbed my parka jacket I always wore for such occasions (they cost 5 pound in the army surplus stores) and we headed out into the night. I asked James where he had been for the last week but he wouldn't tell me, he only muttered things about experiments and measurements and "its possible godddddammmmmit". We were walking to one of our old hangouts, The railway viaduct that spans a nearby estuary. Sitting on the embankment James explained his plan to me.
There are two sets of tracks on the viaduct. Between these tracks run 2 more tracks that act as support. The design is basically like:
I ll I I ll I
James had sat for a week holding a stick upright and notching off the lowest point things like chains and exhausts etc hung down. After a week he had worked out the minimum height anything had hung down from the innumerable trains that had passed by. He knew full well that the odd train might have a loose chain or whatever that would hang lower but that's what calculated risks are all about. James scooped out the stones from between the sleepers between the 2 middle rails. He did this again 3 sleepers down. He looked at me and said, "I'm ready now"
I should have perhaps tried to stop him but this was gonna ROCK. Sure he could have died a grisly and really really really horrible, mushed up, squashed, instant vomit inducing, I'm blind, I'm blind, oh my god I cant sleep because I see it every time I close my eyes kinda thing but this was James and therefore that risk was all par of the course. Anyway, I wasn't gonna miss this for nuttin'.
So I sat back and James prepared himself. He was wearing what we refer to a s snorkler. It's a plastic-ish jacket with a hood that has fur lining, a green version of what Kenny in Southpark wears. He zips it all up and checks his watch. 9:20. The cement train was due to pass at exactly 9:24. The timing was important as James had to be back before his curfew of 10 o'clock. Not a single second later (I actually kid you not on this). James lay down between the sleepers. He tucked in his trainers where he had removed the stones and tucked the tips of his toes under the lip of the rail. He then lay down and lowered his head into the other cavity, looking upwards and slightly back. There was no sign of the train. James sat back up and we both stared into the distance. Suddenly a single bright light appeared. James stayed sitting upright. We looked out over the estuary. I have never before or after seen the lights reflecting off the water this way. It was like each reflected light was a fountain of colour. It really is quite remarkable the way impending death can distort your perceptions.
Anyway the train was coming. James lay back down. The big single headlamp on the train got bigger as it approached. (Much of what I'm about to describe is 2nd hand info from James description of the following events) The ground started shaking, very lightly at first, enough to let you feel that the big orange diesel train was coming. As of yet you couldn't hear it. The rails were vibrating ever so slightly but the pitch was increasing. Small stones started to shuffle; James took a glance up. The train was 20 seconds away max. You could now hear the noise of the massive engine, the ground vibrated uncontrollable, the rails shook wildly the light got bigger and bigger, everything shook. It was like charging headfirst into a tornado. Suddenly the train passed James. He felt his body being sucked upwards; he dug his feet and elbows in as hard as possible. His world was pure insanity, everything was moving so fast and was so loud that it was all Just a mish mash of chaos.
The train passed and there was deadly silence. James jumped up and proclaimed "Now THAT was a rush!!!!"
User Reviews
Submitted by NumLock (user info) at 2005-08-05 12:17:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WHAT THE FUCK!
Submitted by Kraven (user info) at 2005-01-25 11:16:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You can tell this guys brittish or somthing, they have funny words for things... good post, but... this guy James... i dont know about him.
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-01-19 18:59:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
He needs help! Well I guess that's why he's in a nuthouse...
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-01-19 14:57:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love crazy people.
Submitted by Falconer (user info) at 2004-01-19 11:54:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-01-19 11:36:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Clonmel.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-01-19 11:36:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
""Submitted by Fleadh (user info) at 2004-01-19 09:39:21 (#)
Ranking: 0
Glad you enjoyed the story :-) ""
Hey! I went to the Fleadh in Tipperrary last year.
Submitted by Fleadh (user info) at 2004-01-19 11:30:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
LOL yea...dont try this at home.
Submitted by ravenous (user info) at 2004-01-19 11:29:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha! What a crazy bastard!
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2004-01-19 11:11:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
uh oh, James sounds like me
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2004-01-19 10:53:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy blue hell! I wanna go try that...
+2 for insanity. And trains.
Submitted by TaK (user info) at 2004-01-19 10:38:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, what a nutter!
Tell me another!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-01-19 09:39:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"""I should have perhaps tried to stop him but this was gonna ROCK. Sure he could have died a grisly and really really really horrible, mushed up, squashed, instant vomit inducing, I'm blind, I'm blind, oh my god I cant sleep because I see it every time I close my eyes kinda thing but this was James and therefore that risk was all par of the course. Anyway, I wasn't gonna miss this for nuttin'"""
+2 for that!
Submitted by Fleadh (user info) at 2004-01-19 09:39:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Glad you enjoyed the story :-)
Submitted by antiLemming (user info) at 2004-01-19 09:13:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus H Christ...
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2004-01-19 08:34:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
crazy!