A short story (578 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.75 on 4 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Stupac <Stuyx2.at.earthlink.net> (View user info) at 2004-01-19 19:29:23 EST
I wish to tell you a story. This is a rather unremarkable story, which is not at all unlike any other story ever written. It will not make you think any deep thoughts, it will not make you cry, there's a slim chance it will make you smile, and there's a rather good chance you won't finish it simply because I have told you about how unremarkable it truly is. In fact, it is so unremarkable, that I won't bother to tell you.
I will instead, tell you this:
One fine summer's day in a rather unremarkable field in a rather unremarkable town on a rather unremarkable planet, the wind decided to play with grass and with the trees, and that it did. The sun decided to warm the grass and the trees, and that it did. The grass and the trees decided to be warm and played with, and indeed, they were.
It was onto this idyllic scene that a rather remarkable person stumbled. He was not remarkable in appearance, or character, or ability, or intelligence, but merely by the fact that he was so unremarkable that it was remarkable.
He stumbled onto this idyllic scene and decided that the wind and the sun and the grass and the trees ought to be doing something more exciting than what they were currently engaged in. After he came to this conclusion he began to ponder how to remedy this unfortunate situation. With the look of a newborn opening its eyes and desperately trying to come to terms with its newfound freedom, he continued to ponder how to fix this situation. In fact, he pondered it for so long that not only did all of these things cease doing what he deemed they oughtn't to be doing, they also, except the sun, ceased to exist.
He awoke from his ponderings having gained far more than an idea of how to remedy his dillema, but also how to bring peace to the universe, how to convert matter into pure energy, how to gain true happiness, firmly proved and/or disproved the existance of God (he proved the inverse of whichever any person actually wanted him to do), and he figgured out the deadly secret behind tic-tacs. And it took him approximately seven billion, six hundred and fourty three thousand, two hundred and fifty five years to do all of this. Before this newfound knowledge could be spread to the world, he was struck in the head by an errant golf ball and killed.
Thus ended the only chance of enlightenment ever to be given to the universe.
Oddly enough, just after his death, the sun resumed warming the grass and trees, the wind resumed playing with the grass and trees, and the grass and trees resumed allowing themselves to be warmed and played with.
Even more oddly, the golfer who hit the errant ball had never sensed wind or grass or trees before, (seeing as it hadn't existed for approximately seven billion, six hundred and fourty three thousand, two hundred and fifty five years). Upon feeling the rush of air particles past his head, the sudden spring in his step, and the cool of the shade, he promptly went insane and decided to destroy the wind, trees, and grass.
So he set about how to this, and if you would kindly wait approximately seven billion, six hundred and fourty three thousand, two hundred and fifty five years, you can find out what his solution is.
User Reviews
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-10-04 15:25:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wow
Submitted by settle (user info) at 2004-01-20 02:29:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TaK (user info) at 2004-01-19 20:18:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey this is great. Very Douglas Adams-y. Love it.
Submitted by iLikEYouRfAcE (user info) at 2004-01-19 20:03:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Interesting story.. good entertainment when you are bored at work. You must have alot of time on your hands