Sex Record Attempt Update! (1889 hits)
Category: SportsRating: 1.66 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by kgbpasha (View user info) at 2004-01-19 23:50:37 EST
http://www.ubersite.com/m/18882
As the title claims this is an update, so to really appreciate the hell I've created
for myself, hit the link to bring you up to speed. Okay, if this part of the update
seems a bit hazy it's because I've consciously blocked out various horrific images to
protect my remaining soul.
This step in my attempt is another step up...er...down depending on how you choose to
look at it. The following events took place sometime between 9:00p.m. Wed. Jan. 14th
and 7:00a.m. Thurs. Jan. 15th Pacific time. These times are of course my best guesses
after trying to Sherlock the events of that night for the past few days.
So I'm at my local dive a.k.a. Miner's Inn, enjoying the second of what's going to turn
out to be an estimated total of eight Sierra Nevada Pale Ales. I head over to the juke-
box thinking about spending the next few minutes vainly searching for something listenable
and by this I mean not country music. Of course I'm failing miserably when I turn slightly
to my right and there she was. The target of the evening. She smiled at me and said hello
so I said something witty like, "What are you a ninja, sneaking up on me like that?" I know
what you're thinking. Yes, it was one of the worst lines ever but I had just watched
Drunken Master so I was thinking oriental thoughts. Lucky...or unlucky as it may be, she
didn't hear me. At the time I thought it was because of the music playing in the background.
Now to describe her face, since I'm going to be kind and not post it this time with my dick
hanging out of it. As luck would have it or not, her birthday would start at midnight. I
of course played it as smooth as a seven year old girls ass...hey, if you read the initial
post...anyway, and I found out through her friend which I later found out was her daughter
that this particular slore would be exactly 60 years old at midnight. So back to describing
her face, um...let's see, it was old. That should cover it. She had blue eyes I think and
some shiny red lipjunk to match her sweater. She looked...well, old. Hey KGB, you told them
she was sixty years old, I think they get the fucking picture. Okay shut the fuck up I'm
trying to let them get a feel for her oldness. Whatever dude. Yeah, whatever dude is right.
So as soon as the 60 year old had been verified, I played it with a: "No way, let me see some
I.D., no way am I buying you a shot if it's not your birthday." She handed it over and there
it was. Okay, for the next two hours I had the argument. Dude, she's the target! Sixty baby!
A young sixty at that! No fucking way man, she's fucking ancient. Those are just numbers man!
Go for the record brother, it's all about the record! No fucking way man, she's fucking ancient.
C'mon man, that's all you got?! Sure, she's seen better days, but better days, better lays! It's
later days, better lays... Who cares man! Go for the record, it's golden. Yeah, it's golden
alright, like the golden fucking years. So it went on like this until midnight. "It's Go-time,"
I convinced myself. Those boys over at Sierra Nevada sure know what they're doing because now
I'm feeling so damn good that I start to look at it as a do or die mission.
So I'm going to fast forward here just so I don't bore you with the details and because I can't
remember them. Let's just say I do remember being at another bar and I remember that I wasn't
driving. I also remember buying a disposable camera at 7-11 to chronicle this momentous occasion.
Oh, I also bought some beer which turned out to suck ass. The beer was called....I can't
remember but I do know that it was from like Costa Rica or Honduras or maybe Venezuela. Anyway,
the beer sucked and so did the old slore I came(pun inteded) to find out. I'd give you more but
I'm starting to remember it all now and I don't think this forum, or any forum for that matter is
a good place to release these images. Better wait 'til I'm in hell.
User Reviews
Submitted by T.chow (user info) at 2004-02-12 15:02:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"So back to describing her face, um...let's see, it was old. That should cover it."
gold, my man, gold.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2004-01-20 09:32:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This disturbs me to no end.....
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-01-20 03:26:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i don't know if "entertaining" is the word to describe this, but i certainly do agree with "horrific."
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2004-01-20 02:08:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
definately a man.
hahahahahahaha
Submitted by quack (user info) at 2004-01-20 01:02:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
thunder-thighs
Submitted by kgbpasha (user info) at 2004-01-20 00:14:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Thanks Bart, but I wasn't that drunk. But now that you
bring it up...nah, couldn't have been.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-01-20 00:05:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This is both entertaining and horrific at the same time.
Oh, and the person in that picture is a man.