Chris's You're a Racist , Dr.Seuss (341 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -0.8 on 5 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by chris crompton <luca_blight2.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-01-19 23:59:17 EST
Chris'S YOU'RE A RACIST, DR. SEUSS
I usually reserve this space for the standard movie review. And for Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas, I'm sure I could do that. I could tell you how the film captured the spirit of the book (and cartoon). I could spew about how Jim Carrey was nearly perfect at bringing the Grinch to life, incorporating enough goofiness for the kids and enough intelligent humor for the adults. I wouldn't even say anything about who his Grinch voice sounded like. I could give you examples of how director Ron Howard was impressively able to re-create a live-action version of fictional Who-ville (although the Dr. Moreau-like snouts on the Whos will likely give me nightmares for weeks). I could go on about how Taylor Momsen was almost too adorable to play the cartoon confection Cindy-Lou Who; or how critics were being too hard on this fable that was intended to be nothing more than a fun holiday kids movie; or how in flashbacks, the hideous doll used as the baby Grinch was stolen right from the Men In Black set. I could do all those things. But instead, I'm going to address something that the American public has sadly overlooked: the fact that Dr. Seuss, perhaps the most beloved storyteller of all time, is a racist degenerate.
That's right, he's a racist. His characters, the Whos, are racists. And Ron Howard, the man who brings the story of the Grinch to the big screen, is a racist. The most obvious thing to spot is the lack of diversity in the film. Every single Who, with the exception of one black and one Asian, is white. Then when you start looking at the fabric of the story, it's clear that it's nothing more than a tale of intolerance and injustice. The Grinch has been banished from Who-ville because of one reason: his skin. He looks different than the Whos. He's green. He's hairy. If that weren't bad enough, the Whos discriminate against him further because of his beliefs. He doesn't celebrate Christmas. He's not a religious man. So they make life so difficult for him that he his forced to become a recluse atop a mountain.
Of course, the story masks its bigotry by showing what a "mean one" Mr. Grinch has become. He hates the Whos. He despises their Christmas festivities and their holiday cheer and their roast beast. Of course he does. Who can blame him for his rage after a lifetime of such cruel behavior? Wouldn't your heart become two sizes too small if you had been excommunicated from society because of how you looked? If it was me, fuck stealing Christmas. You would have seen "How Donovan Stole a Glock and Put the Whos Six Feet Under."
All the while, the film version is oblivious. All the characters in the Arian Race of Whos are portrayed as cute and innocent. They're the good guys. Cuddly Cindy-Lou Who and Adolph-Lou Who are simply victims. Infuriating. And then there's the line in the movie where the Grinch is trying to catch a taxi, and the driver passes him by. He jokingly yells, "It's because I'm green, isn't it?" The irony did nothing but elicit angry groans from the audience. But Ron Howard has the gall to suggest that racism is comical. And it's no mistake that the joyous Who-ville song "Dahoo Fores" is German for "We burn crosses."
The most insulting thing is how Dr. Seuss has spun his yard as propaganda to children. Kids learn the lesson that minorities should conform to society, no matter what their reasons are for being different. Minorities should pardon years of prejudice and wrongdoings just so they can fit in. And they should be HAPPY because of it. In the end, the Grinch becomes a clone and is gleefully converted to Christianity. He even goes so far as to increase the size of his heart, just so the Whos will accept him as one of their own.
Next time you read your kids a Dr. Seuss story, why don't you sing them this song, too? It truly captures the spirit of the cat behind the Cat in the Hat, and the film that Opie made. Feel free to sing along, to the tune of "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch."
YOU'RE A RACIST, DR. SEUSS
You're a racist, Dr. Seuss
You really are an ass
You think that all Mexicans
Should be outside cutting your grass, Dr. Seuss
You believe that everyone who's not white is IN A LOWER CLASS
You're a Klansman, Dr. Seuss
You're hood's as white as your smile
You want to line up all non-Caucasians
And kill them execution-style, Dr. Seuss
Given the choice between a black man and a seasick crocodile, you'd take the SEASICK CROCODILE
You're a supremacist, Dr. Seuss
Hatred is your goal
You want to rid the world of all Latinos
Because you have no soul, Dr. Seuss
You wouldn't touch a Puerto Rican with a THRITY-NINE-AND-A-HALF-FOOT POLE
You're a Nazi, Dr. Seuss
Hitler would be proud of you
The Whos should be judged at Nuremberg
Because they treated others like poo, Dr. Seuss
You regard people who aren't like you like a toilet FULL OF NUMBER TWO
You're a bastard, Dr. Seuss
You truly are a hate-monger
You avoid an Asian cashier in the store
Even when the white line's longer, Dr. Seuss
You have less integrity and scruples than that slutty MONEY-GRUBBER DARVA CONGER
You're a gay-basher, Dr. Seuss
Your intolerance clouds your eyes
But your latent homosexuality
Is impossible to disguise, Dr. Seuss
If you entered a liar's contest and said that the Cat In The Hat was not queer, you'd WIN THE TOP PRIZE
You're a bigot, Dr. Seuss
You and Ron Howard should hate yourselves
You banished all Indians and Asians
And put them on the shelves, Dr. Seuss
I hope the both of you get sodomized by a band of HERPES-TRANSMITTING ELVES
User Reviews
Submitted by ryandonovan (user info) at 2004-02-19 09:51:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't know whether to be flattered or afraid.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-01-20 00:12:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by JinkyWilliams (user info) at 2004-01-20 00:11:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
What's going on with everyone duplicating Donovan's post?
--JW
Submitted by IIlllllIll (user info) at 2004-01-20 00:01:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha! seus was a fucking racist because you know it
Submitted by finkboy21 (user info) at 2004-01-20 00:00:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Go screw a donkey.