Teabagging jabba the hut (4038 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.5 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Ciaran <ciaran_flanagan.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-01-20 09:13:24 EST
Since some people seemed to enjoy my train story I thought I'd be oh so unoriginal and play on the same successful theme cos as we all know sequels are always better then the originals.
This event happened only a little while ago. I was out drinking with some workmates. There was Cliona, her bf Scott, Deirdre and myself. We were downing pints at the rate of knots like good Irish lads and lasses are wont to do. We are fairly hammered by the time we decide to head out to a night-club.
Brief pause in the story to describe the leading lady in this show, Deirdre. Simply Put this girl has absolutely no redeeming qualities whatsoever. I tolerate her because she works with us and doesn't get in my way. This girl looks like jabba the hut. Really she does. Imagine a person sized jabba and you have this girl. There are many things that I could describe about her and some quirks but then I would be going off on a rant and believe you me...we could be all day at THAT! So yea...Simply close your eyes and think of a real life female jabba the hut. If the mental image is correct you know you have hit the nail on the head cos your member is now somewhere hiding in your stomach. Let's return to the night-club.
So we are at the club and sculling back more vast volumes of the amber nectar when who arrives in out of the blue but my fucking nutjob friend James. I knew mayhem was about to ensue and I wasn't disappointed.
I already explained a bit about James in my other post but that story didn't explain anything about James's ability to pick up women. The boy is ugly as sin, he knows this. Also due to the fact that he had to lead his life to very strict deadlines he has no time for the pickup bullshit. He will try it on, fail, try it on with her mate, fail, and and so on and so on. Fortunatly for him and unfortunately for the species there is always at least one girl pathetic or desperate enough to sleep with him. It's just a matter of finding her. Me, I tend to scope a place out, try it on with my chosen lady and if I fail I'm pissed off and continue drinking. James considers 50 rejections and one score to mean he was successful that night. Anyway with this mentality in mind I return to the night-club.
So the 5 of us are drinking. James tries's it on with cliona. Cliona and her BF Scott aren't to impressed to say the least. So having failed undeterred he tries it on with jabba, err, I mean Deirdre. James is successful with Jabba. Cliona and Scott are fit to kill me so I agree to get rid of the James and Deirdre. I drag James off to the lad's jacks for a chat. So I ask him if he remembers the conversation I had a long time ago with him regarding him embarrassing me constantly by acting like such a dickhead in front of my workmates. He doesn't remember that conversation. Ok. I can't think of anyway to remove him from the presence of my 2 other friends so I suggest the insane. We take jabba back to my place and both fuck her? James isn't convinced. I go back out to the others. Cliona is drunk stupid and has really taken a dislike to James and wants him gone. Ok, I have to raise the bar to new levels. So back down to the Jacks for what to do discussion number 2. Right, So what will make James leave here without me telling him the real reason is that Cliona hates his guts (James is insane, this info may have disastrous consequences). Ok cheesy porn. James in intrigued. I just tell him to get her back to my place and to follow my lead. What we are doing is real life cheesy porn. Success...we are outta there.
So we get her back to my place. It's about 3 in the morning. My housemate is awake, That's ok, he's cool. My polish very very hot redhead female friend is in the house as well.... Fuck. I'm gonna loose a heck load of brownie points by the time this night is over. Into the sitting room it just gets worse. My housemate's slutty fuck-buddy and her male gay friend sitting on the couch.... Bloody full house. Ah well...I'm hammered, I don't care at this point, I had formulated a plan on the way home and It was gonna happen, regardless of who is in the house.
In the kitchen I tell James to go upstairs to my room with her and get Jiggy. I would be up in a few mins and he was just to play along and keep in mind the dialogue style of all the millions of cheesy porn flicks he had seen over the years.
(Note, before this point the story has pretty much sucked. If you have read this far then you shall be rewarded for your patience, hopefully. If not this is a opportune half way mark to apologise profusely for making this story so long)
James goes upstairs with Deirdre and 10 minutes later I go up to my room. The dialogue of this encounter is etched firmly on my mind. All speech coming out of my mouth was in the bad actor monotone used only by cheap porno actors. So I open the door and step in. James is mounting the beast. The light is on. On my god this girl is minging. She is Fat, Not American fat but she's a whole lotta lard. She has tiny tits. In fact it's hard to tell if they are tits of merely fat rolls with nipps. So I say, "Oh, You appear to be having sex" Deirdre tries to grab a blanket. James puts up a hand to stop her (I cant remember what he said but It fitted nicely) So she asks me am I gonna leave to which I reply. " No, I have a much better idea, Ill just get naked and join you" The skanky bitch agreed! Well fuck me. I didn't really think this through past this bit. I mean come-on. Funny is funny but this is the really real world, there ain't no coming back. Oh wait that was "the crow". Ah fuck it, I had gone this far better play it out. Bold as brass I stripped off in the middle of the room and joined them. I hopped into bed and James grabbed his wallet off the floor and handed me a rubber. After diving for a min or 2. I sat of the side of the bed and tried to put the Johnny on. This is where the now fucked up plan got a little stranger.
My dick told me to fuck off. Its one eye looked limply at me and said, NO FUCKING WAY. I swear I could hear it talk to me. James asks me what's up and using some weird made up on the spot cross between sign language and semaphore I explain to him that she is a big horrible ugly pig that looks like jabba the hut and there is no way in hell my Mr happy is gonna rise to that. At this point you may think it was the beer stopping the stiffy, well it wasn't, she was a fucking pig. I tried everything but it wasn't gonna happen. I put on a pair of cut off combats to regroup and devise a recovery plan. I went down to the living room.
Much to my surprise my friends slutty fuck buddy and her guy gay friend were still awake. My house mate having passed out a little while back. Lo and behold they were watching porn. Clapping my hands new plans formulate in my wicked little brain. Watching porn in about 15 mins I manage to get a raging boner. The slutty girl helps get it good and ready. This was gonna have to be an SAS covert ops get in, complete spurting objective and get out before Mr happy knows what's happening. So raging boner in hand I rush up the stairs, James is on the way down. "Where the fuck did you go?" I didn't answer; time was of the essence. Into the room I went. It was sprawled there, a big flabby mass of ugly. I didn't let it register. I blocked it out. I focused entirely on those peachy ass cheeks that perfectly frames the porn stars shaved burger. I commanded her to lie down. She obliged. I threw one leg over her, keeping the other one planted on the ground and I in this moment of fucked up glory performed the ultimate in degrading to women acts, I did a teabagging. Cock in hand I dipped by ballsack into her gaping maw and gave her a pearl necklace.
Afterwards we all got dressed, went downstairs, smoked a few joints and had some more tins of beer and watched porn. The girl still works in the same building as me, we have ciggies together sometimes, and we never discussed that night afterwards.
User Reviews
Submitted by Chief_Rugger (user info) at 2004-07-12 09:07:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
+2= "James is mounting the beast."
-1= "She is Fat, Not American fat but she's a whole lotta lard."
+1= "She has tiny tits. In fact it's hard to tell if they are tits of merely fat rolls with nipps."
Because in my early freshman days, I remember banging a fat chick with tiny tits, seems impossible, but it happens.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-07-12 08:59:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad, just not that interesting.
Submitted by tim23 (user info) at 2004-07-12 08:44:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I always wanted to teabag Princess Leia but Jabba the Hut that takes a lot of fortitude. Congrats, I think?
Submitted by CaptainStach (user info) at 2004-07-12 08:28:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There was a fat girl a coupla floors down in our dorm hall. She would suck anyones dick that knocked on her door. If we ever found ourselves trashed and horny, we would find our way down to her room to give her the privledge of blowing us. Sometimes we had to wait in line.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2004-07-12 08:11:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It takes a certain kind of man to admit to teabagging a fat chick. Good for you.
Submitted by T.chow (user info) at 2004-02-26 09:24:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
great slang, the story itself merits a +2
Submitted by Redrum (user info) at 2004-01-21 13:10:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the slang from across the pond and the phrase "She is Fat, Not American fat but she's a whole lotta lard." Nice writing style, but a pretty disturbing story otherwise.
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2004-01-20 13:18:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I lived in Cobh for a while, haven't heard the term mingnin in quite some time...
Submitted by Darkrigel22 (user info) at 2004-01-20 12:13:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Lad's jacks = the pisser, I guess? Took me a while...
Liked the story...+2 for having the will and stomach to do a fat girl - They need some lovin too.. Even if you only bagged her - LOL
Submitted by Slopster53 (user info) at 2004-01-20 12:03:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 for great story
-1 because I almost vomitted my lunch at Jabba
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-01-20 11:54:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I agree with corn nugget.
But I'll give you a +1 for the phrase "the lad's jacks"
Submitted by Fleadh (user info) at 2004-01-20 11:30:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
From dublin but living in meath nowadays.
Submitted by Lord_Of_The_Strings (user info) at 2004-01-20 10:55:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed my ass off, where are ya form in Ireland man?
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-01-20 10:48:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wow. crazy story. +2 for this line, which shouldn't of made me laugh, but did. "She is Fat, Not American fat but she's a whole lotta lard"
Submitted by Fleadh (user info) at 2004-01-20 10:39:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hiya corn nugget. Thanks for the compliment. You did not find it amusing? But it had all the key ingredients of an amusing story. There was nudity, Inability to get boners, wanking, Homosexuals, fat chicks and even some witty side remarks including a movie reference. How could you not be amused LOL.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-01-20 10:26:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh man, I would have been too afraid.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2004-01-20 10:12:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The skanky bitch agreed! Well fuck me.
hahahahhaha
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-01-20 09:58:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I like the way you write, but the story failed to amuse me.
Submitted by Dudething3k (user info) at 2004-01-20 09:46:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ROFL!!!!
Nice story man :D
Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2004-01-20 09:40:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You scare me.