"open relationships" are like communism (2566 hits)
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Rating: 1.09 on 50 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by corn_nugget (View user info) at 2004-01-20 14:06:38 EST
They are both great, in theory... but in reality, everyone gets fucked over... I mean, can they possibly work?
I was talking to a friend, and he was telling me his views on open relationships. This is how he laid it out for me:
First, you have a best friend. Your best friend is... well... your best friend. This is the friend you love with all of your heart, the person you'd do anything for. If you make plans to go out with people from work one night, and your friend calls, "I'm desperate to get out of the house... want to hang out?", what do you do? Do you say, "ah, shit, sorry, I've got plans"? No, generally you'll either cut your time short with the work-crew to hang with your friend, or you'll invite your friend along.
He says it's the same in a open relationship. Your signigicant other comes first, no matter what, but it's okay to hang out with other people.
"Hang out?" I ask. That seems innocent enough. "So, that's not an open relationship", I say, "That is just hanging out...".
"Well," He continues "then say, you're sitting around with a guy... and you start flirting... then you touch... hold hands... kiss... If everyone knows what's going on (ie: the person you're flirting with, your sig. other, and yourself), what does it hurt?".
I don't know?
If everyone has agreed to this situation, what DOES it hurt?
****
Come on, how can this WORK!? For one, if I'm with someone that I love, someone I have that 'connection' with... I don't WANT another guy. I'm not saying I've never been tempted, while I was in a relationship, but when I have been, the temptation is usually stemming from problems with the current relationship... so cheating (or whatever you'd call it in an 'open relationship') would be focusing on fixing the ailment, instead of the illness.
This is a crappy post, and I blame Phinch. He is the one who said we had to knock the Nazis off the front page... and this is the only thing I've been thinking about today.
User Reviews
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-03-25 23:04:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Now, speaking from experience... open relationships don't work for me, definatly.
Submitted by Perplexd (user info) at 2004-02-11 12:14:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
open relationships are gay
Submitted by Das_Chriser (user info) at 2004-01-28 20:20:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Ha
:Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-01-28 20:07:36 (#)
Ranking: -1
Well, welcome to Uber. Let us know when you have something original to talk about. "
Hey Corn Hole
Yeah..... yours was riveting too..... High Entertainment You must hang out with KoJo
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2004-01-22 01:34:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Open relationships to me have always meant I am looking for something better. Not that I would say it, sometimes I did not even know it.
Actually sometimes it means I am going to kick that guys ass if he hooks up with you, I don't care if you like him, he isn't good enough for you...what...what...fuck me?...fuck you, you dumb cunt, I am the best thing that ever happened to you and you want to give it up for that piece of shit!!!!
whoa sorry...open relationships are a bad idea, especially for people not as mature as me.
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2004-01-22 01:03:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm going to write my own post at some point, Spike. I've got a bit to say on the subject
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-01-21 11:16:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I was speaking of "relationship" meaning two people who are in an emotional/romantic/sexual relationship with each other, who have sex and/or emotional outings with other people.
Meaning, sex with someone from the bar... sex with a good friend... sex with an ex. OR cuddling on the couch, long walks in the park...
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2004-01-21 11:09:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Here's the deal:
If we're using the word "relationship" to mean "romantic partnership", then you're right---it's practically impossible to have an 'open' one. In order for true intimacy to develop, there have to be promises made and kept by both parties.
However, if we're using the word "relationship" to simply describe any interaction between two people, then it's entirely possible for a relationship to develop in which there is an agreement to have sex on a regular basis, while not being exclusive.
I think it's very rare, but not impossible, for people to have romantic relationships that are sexually inclusive of others. I think it takes extreme maturity, extreme self-confidence, and extremely open sexual boundaries, among other things.
Jonuka, did you weigh in on this?
SpikeGoddess
Submitted by NotApologizing (user info) at 2004-01-21 10:46:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Your slogan?
Government-WE'RE only figuratively fucking you.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-01-21 10:38:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Des... I'm gonna need a slogan if I do that...!
Submitted by Despiadado (user info) at 2004-01-21 08:20:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Equaiting communism to sex. I like it. You should consider starting a news letter to spread your views.
Submitted by Cicciro (user info) at 2004-01-21 01:06:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sounds like another strain of sexual deviance. Everyones out to please themselves and they have to justify it how they may. I agree with you, open relationships are flawed and foolish.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-01-21 01:06:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha thanks I had fun.
I worked as window cleaner in my 'holidays' going through highschool. There was this Old (well he must have been at least 45) Scots cleaner I worked with and he had 'fucking' like a stutter. A typical sentence from him would be:
"I dont fucking fucking care what you fucking fucking fucking well fucking think."
I would be pissing myself laughing inside and loved to wind him up to see how many he could get into a sentence. Thing is I don't think he even knew he was saying it.
Submitted by LaNa (user info) at 2004-01-21 00:39:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 to daking for using the word "boinking" more than any human I've known in a single statement.
~LaNa :)
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-01-21 00:36:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If you don't care who your partner is bonking or care that your partner cares who you are bonking then you are bonking yourself in the head that bonking different partners, who may also be bonking others, is ok and constitutes an 'open relationship'.
All it means is that you share certain facilities to a greater or lesser extent. Just don't fool yourself that it is a relationship because when one of you decides that they like bonking one person more than they like bonking anyone else. The great green eyed love monster while rise up and someone is either going to get stiffed or end up a stiff.
Hahahaha I had more fun ranking this than anything else for a while!
Submitted by Redrum (user info) at 2004-01-21 00:23:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thank you colelily. I always wondered if I was the only one who watched that movie and came away with that. I'm such a dork for history.
Another response means another +2.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-01-20 23:12:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
If I had to choose between my significant other either:
1) having random meaningless sex
or
2) having a romantic bond with someone else
I'd choose one, hands down. I can handle "I had sex with someone I met at the bar" much better than, "I love Mary, too".
Submitted by EvilZurr (user info) at 2004-01-20 22:05:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by LaNa (user info) at 2004-01-20 16:54:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"She said once that if she had it her way, she'd have two significant others, one being for the emotional aspect and the other for the physical."
"The guy who's tagged as the "emotional" guy - being that he is a guy and he has a penis - is eventually going to start to question what's wrong with him?"
=====
I smell a LaNa story coming on... ahh yes - here 'tis:
My cousin lived by the same philosophy after she was divorced. When she met a man who was interested in her she would tell him you can either have dinner with me or fuck me - but you don't get both my body and my mind. I think it was her way of sheltering herself from getting hurt again. (backstory - her first husband was great on paper - but an asshole in person, after her 2nd broken limb she wised up).
She met two guys that she enjoyed spending time with. She would have dinner and go dancing with one guy, then fuck the other guy. After a few months - the "mind" guy started getting really jealous and possessive. She reminded him of the original agreement and he didn't seem to care. He started basically stalking her. One night when she was with the "penis" guy - he broke into her house, beat up said "penis" man and broke the majority of her personal items in her house.
...needless to say she saw the error of her ways...
The only way I think that would work would be if the "emotional" guy was gay. Ooooh - now THEREs a good idea! *lightbulb*
Toodles!
~LaNa
Nat... *insert funny joke here* tee hee hee hee.
(my brain isn't working right now - so just imagine that I'm being funny and go from there)
Submitted by Heimdallsman (user info) at 2004-01-20 16:20:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My wife and I thought we had an open relationship for years. We always told each other that it would be okay, as long as it wasn't a secret.
Thank god we never put it to the test. We came to the conclusion that there is no way either of us could have handled it.
Great post.
--HeimdallsMan
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2004-01-20 16:07:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
AAaaaaahhh..yes! My ego thanks you, Chicken! heh just kiddin ;) You seem to be someone who WANTS to be able to give.
The way I've always understood it, an open relationship consisted of the two people in the relationship (that's a screwy sentence! Oh well...), and anyone else involved WAS just a fuck buddy. If one in the relationship wanted to sleep with someone else, he/she would present it as "I'm in a relationship. I can offer you no more than sex." No asking for dates or other attention. Also, I would think that you wouldn't sleep with the same 'fuck buddy' more than a couple of times, if it were even more than once.
Phew! It does seem complicated! But some 'normal' relationships can be, too. I guess it swaps one set of complications for another.
Submitted by JinkyWilliams (user info) at 2004-01-20 15:59:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What is the purpose of a monogamous dating relationship? Now, I don't know or pretend to know the myriad reasons behind the monogamous relationships of others, but if I am involved in such a relationship, it is because I see aspects of what I desire in a future wife in that person. I will continue that relationship until such time has passed where it is determined that she is or is not someone who I would marry. At that point, I would either sever that function of the relationship (i.e. not cut off all contact, but declare reasons for my backing down from prior levels of relatinoship and the social and personal ramifications thereof) or propose to her.
I also have no problem with dating (participating in a previously-arranged meeting between two individuals), and continued dating. But I'd make clear my understanding of the relationship and its bounds, based on what I felt/understood as well as prior conversation with her.
Given the above, an "open" relationship seems like dating to me, but with a "default" partner. I see no use for the alternate title. If you have one person you are participating in a monogamous relationship with, call it that. If you decide that you'd like to share various aspects of a traditional monogamous relationship with others (physical/emotional), then it's dating.
That's my take, at least. Don't take it as canon. And it may change in a week, depending on what I learn in the next seven days. Or it may never change.
Worth reading (+0) (I really think it should be +1)
Stay orange.
--JW
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-01-20 15:57:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Her reasoning was that if she truly loved someone, she couldn't desecrate their body with such a primal act."
This makes no sense to me - she believes that when you're in love with someone that having sex with them is "descrating their body" with a "primal act"? I feel that many men would disagree; to have two separate relationships, one for emotion and sensitivity and one for your physical pleasure, is, well, ridiculous.
The guy who's tagged as the "emotional" guy - being that he is a guy and he has a penis - is eventually going to start to question what's wrong with him? i.e. If she loves me so much, why won't she have sex with me? There does come a point in every relationship when it's not a "primal act" you're commiting, but rather an act that helps you to express your love for each other. Lack of sex will cause her emotional guy to undoubtedly stray (unless he's one of the few who feels he could be happily in love without sex for the rest of his life) and cause a great deal of heartache.
No, I don't think that sex is the *most* important part of a relationship, but I do feel that it is important. Why have two separate guys with separate attributes when you can find one who has both?
Phoenix
Submitted by colelily (user info) at 2004-01-20 15:37:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I really don't know how to respond to this... Part of me wants to say that a relationship is a relationship and that's all there is to it, but then something my best friend told me once is reverberating in my head. She said once that if she had it her way, she'd have two significant others, one being for the emotional aspect and the other for the physical. Her reasoning was that if she truly loved someone, she couldn't desecrate their body with such a primal act.
And using Enemy at the Gates as an analogy... BEAUTIFUL!
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-01-20 15:21:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
gottcha godchicken. thats why i couldn't do it. but others can. and others do.
Submitted by Redrum (user info) at 2004-01-20 15:18:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So true, so true. I always like to use love as an example of the downfalls of applied communism, so it's interesting that you compared it to an open relationship. Here's how I see it:
Have you ever seen the movie "Enemy at the Gates"? In the movie, it's WWII in Stalin's Russia. The propaganda machine is in full swing and the characters in the movie become embroiled in a bitter love triangle. I thought it was an interesting sub-plot because it shows that even in a system where everyone is supposed to be equal to others and no man has property that another doesn't, there's always something that will cause envy. In that case, love.
Wow, sorry for rambling. Good post.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-01-20 15:16:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Nat: I got all sorts of animal lust for you, too. But I do have my old fashioned sense of honor... every once in a great while I fall down, though too.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-01-20 15:14:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Phinch: nice girl. we'll hang out anytime she wants.
I'm not going to fuck her if she can't give me 100% back what I put in.
I've got a nice dinner cooking for you tonight, what time are you coming over? "I can't, sorry. My boyfriend decided at the last minute that we're going to go for a walk in the park"
Phinch, who wants to be the one on the backburner? Who wants to always be the one in 2nd place?
Fuck that.
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-01-20 15:13:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Phinch - I think that would just be a "fuck buddy." I think the basis of the open relationship is that you're with that ONE particular person, but flirting, kissing, and having sex with other people is okay as long as you're "open" about it with each other, so mainly it's just fucking other people, not really getting them involved in the relationship...
OH, what a confusing thing these are? Why can't everyone just be single or not be single? Wouldn't that be much more simple?
:-)
Phoenix
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2004-01-20 15:12:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like what Herpes said. G'night Herpes.
Well damn, GodChicken! All I can offer you is wild animal lust! I guess I can't have my chicken and eat it, too :(
LaNa- I have nothing clever to say. You give me the giggles.
Submitted by El_Guapo (user info) at 2004-01-20 15:09:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
screw "open relationships"
just go the "fuck buddies" route, less complications
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-01-20 15:06:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
but godchicken, what if the relationship started in an open way. say you met a girl at a bar and she had the perfect personality, fun to talk to and stunningly beautiful. then she told you she was in an open relationship. and she wanted to be in one with you.
or is that just a fuck buddy?
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-01-20 14:58:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You can't have your cake and eat it too.
Hug someone, fine. peck on the cheek, okay..
Anything beyond that, to me, goes into an emotional level. The sexual energy is intwined with the emotional, and I'm giving you all or none.
I expect the same back.
Don't fuck me if you don't mean it with something other than animal lust.
Did I mention 29 Palms sucks?
see a few of you online tonight.
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2004-01-20 14:56:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
agree.
theres something i dont like about open relationships.
weird feeling behind it.
Submitted by LaNa (user info) at 2004-01-20 14:52:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nat... I don't know if I can handle that... lets keep this relationship *open*
hehehehe :)
~LaNa
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-01-20 14:50:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm going to bed now, and felt the need to tell someone.
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2004-01-20 14:40:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
LaNa, I think I love you.
volklcess- OH YEAH! If someone *suddenly* decided they wanted an open relationship...PROBLEM!
Submitted by MmmVag (user info) at 2004-01-20 14:38:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I like the idea of an open relationship. Communism is an excellent theory if looked at objectivly (at least thats how I feel). Neither work in reality. +1 for knocking nazis off.
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2004-01-20 14:36:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Okay, dammit. 'hanging out' = doing bunny things, right? The replies are confusing me!
Also, I thought the title said communion, not communism, before I clicked on it. Doop dee doo
Submitted by LaNa (user info) at 2004-01-20 14:33:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well my "mantra" has always been... don't ever lose yourself to a relationship. If your significant other doesnt understand that you are you and you need to remain you, that they are an added bonus to your life (as you are to them) not the entire life... then to hell with them.
Is that considered an "open" relationship?
~LaNa :)
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-01-20 14:33:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Come on, how can this WORK!? For one, if I'm with someone that I love, someone I have that 'connection' with... I don't WANT another guy. I'm not saying I've never been tempted, while I was in a relationship, but when I have been, the temptation is usually stemming from problems with the current relationship... so cheating (or whatever you'd call it in an 'open relationship') would be focusing on fixing the ailment, instead of the illness."
...Wow...Amen to that, girl! I couldn't possibly agree with you more. If you're going to be in an "open relationship," then why the hell are you in a "relationship" in the first place? Obviously it's an issue with commitment, so why not just be single and do the exact same thing and spare the trauma (and drama) that an open relationship could inevitably cause.
Just my opinion. If my boyfriend decided suddenly that he wanted to be in a so-called "open relationship" that would be a *HUGE* red light to me that something wasn't right in our relationship!
:-)
Phoenix
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2004-01-20 14:33:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I can understand it. Never done it, but I can understand it. An ex roommate of mine was in one. She'd been with her long distance boyfriend for something like 3 years. They had an understanding that if one got a little 'froggy' and wanted to have sex with someone, he/she could as long as it was all out in the open and safe. Worked just fine. The sex wasn't an issue; it was just sex. Now they've moved to the same city together and bought a house so I guess it's off.
I think you have to have a stronger sense of independence than most people, and you can't be insecure at all for it to work. Both parties, that is. If you think sex should always be something emotional, then you can forget it. Hell, sometimes I've thought it was the way to go.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-01-20 14:28:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No, my friend was saying that "hanging out" was one of the possiblities of an open relationship, and I told him that "hanging out" is okay, no matter what level of commitment you're at.
And I don't say that open relationships aren't possible... I mean, people do it all the time... Really, half of me is saying, "Yeah that makes sense... Open relationships DO seem like a good idea", and then the other half is saying, "This can't make sense, there's no way!".
I'm quite torn.
Submitted by LaNa (user info) at 2004-01-20 14:26:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
... I just reread that and I retract my statement (but I'll give you another plus two for my stupidity).
You're talking about "hanging out" with other people while you're in a relationship right? Wait.. I just confused myself even more.
I'm shutting up.
Carry on,
~LaNa
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-01-20 14:25:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
To everyone who thinks it's impossible to have a functional open relationship, you may as well say that homosexuality is also impossible. Just because it's something you could never understand or see yourself being a part of, doesn't mean it won't work for others.
Submitted by LaNa (user info) at 2004-01-20 14:21:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
...I don't know if they are neccessarily "communism" but to a certain extent I agree.
I used to always say that open relationships were just that and it was cool. You're both old enough to play the game so you can make your own rules. My friend Paul used to tell me that they'd never work because someone always ends up wanting more even if they don't say it - they feel it inside.
I called him a liar. I thought that since I was able to detach feelings from something/someone - then other people should be able to too. Now I wish I still talked to him so I could apologize for doubting him.
I'm not saying that it's impossible to make it work... I'm just saying that it's harder than it seems. I guess it's just a matter of if your feelings are actually real or if you are just looking for a warm body to cuddle up to and hang out with. If the feelings are real you can't deny or ignore them - but in certain situations you may have to swallow them.
Toodles!
~LaNa :)
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2004-01-20 14:18:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well said, Phinch. Open relationships can work, but it takes a certain kind of people and the right mentality.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-01-20 14:18:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Television -- teacher, mother, secret lover!
-- Homer Simpson
Treehouse of Horror V
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2004-01-20 14:13:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I never understood the whole "open relationship" thing at all. It just doesn't make any sense to me; but that's just me. I figure, if I'm with someone, then I don't want (or need) anyone else.
+1 because....just because.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-01-20 14:13:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't think i could be in an open relationship. but i thing that any relationship is strongest if both parties know and understand what is the role that they each play. if they are fine with the roles, then all is good. if a couple in an open relationship is able to stay strong, then more power to them.
Submitted by cf7 at 2004-01-20 14:09:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
very true haha