This week on "Where are they now?", Adolf Hitler! (628 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.6 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by CrumbleBum <piperatthegat13.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-01-21 05:56:01 EST
Yes ladies and gentlemen, this week on Where Are They Now? we'll be delving into the history books and picking out an old favorite celebrity. Your favorite and mine, winner of Time Magazines Man of the Year, Adolf Hitler!
So the question is, Where is He Now?
Oh yeah, the pathetic self hating Jew shot himself in the head in a bunker while pissing his pants and weeping on the shoulder of his ugly whore of a mistress.
But his right hand men followed through with the message of Aryan brotherhoo.... oh... oh wait.. no.. they all kicked off as soon as things got dodgy as well...
But! The Third Reich Lives On... Oh... Wait... Yeah..Well.. He promised it would last 3000 years... and I suppose he was only about 2970 short...
But his message lives on, right? I mean, his current followers are the kinds of people and white person would want to call Brother, right..? I mean, they aren't the kind of juvanille dipshits to skip around a cluster of handles trolling a user submission literature site, right?
Oh. Oh, well goddamn.
In the immortal words of the Dead Kennedys,
"Fuck Off, Nazi Punks."
God Bless Israel.
User Reviews
Submitted by deadsnoopy (user info) at 2004-01-21 15:55:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Jimmy the Demon: Remember, at 4:00 you have to shove a pineapple up Hitler's ass.
-Little Nicky (2000)
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2004-01-21 10:47:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
meh.
Submitted by CrumbleBum (user info) at 2004-01-21 10:08:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Loren-Yeah. I fessed to that one already. It was kind of a hasty slur.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-01-21 10:01:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Crumble - "Oh yeah, the pathetic self hating Jew" -
May I suggest that you NOT believe everything you read?
This is NOT a fact.
It is argued, yes, and very well may be true, but again - not a fact.
For the record, I'm sick to death of the anti-Semitic bullshit going on here too. I thinks it's best left ignored along with all the other idiocy that finds it's way here, and hopefully it will go away quickly.
Horray for Jewbersite!
Submitted by CrumbleBum (user info) at 2004-01-21 09:25:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Okay then. If you're contending that it wasn't funny, I'll accept a negative for that. It wasn't as funny as I would have liked. Could have been better.
Submitted by CrumbleBum (user info) at 2004-01-21 09:20:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/archive/covers/0,16641,1101390102,00.html Hitler, Man of the Year, 1939
"Hitler promised 1000 years. You said that he promised three times that amount. "
I fessed to that. And anyway, it's fucking inconsequential to the point of the piece, which is humor.
"You said he was self-hating jew. I can't even being to explain to you what was wrong with that statement, and if you're refering to the unsubstantiated rumor that his grandfather was jewish, then you will need more evidence than your say so."
Okay. That was wrong. He wasn't part Jewish. I researched that a little better. So there's another.
"You said he shot himself. Although never completely proven, it is believed that he took a cyanide capsual as that has been the confirmed cause of death of his companions in the bunker; his dog, blondie, and his wife, Eva Braun. "
That seems like kind of an inconsequential thing to base one's opinion of a whole article on as well. Weather he shot himself or took a capsule, he killed himself.
"Also presenting this as fact is misleading to say the least. For all we know he could be alive and well in the apartment across from you, because no identifiable body was ever recovered."
Well, the Russians claimed to have found it and cremated it. I mean, for fucks sake. You might as well claim Elvis is still alive. Claiming that something is an outright lie because it cannot be proven 100% with a body is a little silly.
"By the time he was in that bunker, Eva was not his mistress, but his wife."
Relevant to the overall accuracy? And she was STILL pretty ugly.
So basically, you've got me on 3 inaccuracies. A specific claim he made on the length of his reign, his exact method of suicide, and that he wasn't really Jewish. The Eva thing? Fuck that, who cares. Thats not even a big enough issue to be an issue. She was his whore before she was his wife. And she wasn't very pretty.
I'd say what I'm really trying to address here is holding a document meant to be humor and an annoyed responce to a spammer to the same standards of historical accuracy that you'd hold an essay or other serious documents. The aim was humor, and in humor, pedantic historical accuracy can sometimes be sacrificed for humorous impact.
I seem to have a stunning case of logarrhea this morning.
Submitted by Despiadado (user info) at 2004-01-21 09:02:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok, I was being a bit stringent with the facts, but that's just because you have to absolutely correct when trashing the easily trashable. Otherwise the idiots that follow this garbage have points to pick on, and recruit people like your friend from work to perpetuate their uninformed, racist intellections.
Sorry for the negatives, but I can't bring myself to give a positive rating to something that is wrong. Plus, I never did see any humor in this.
Submitted by Despiadado (user info) at 2004-01-21 08:44:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Was Hitler Time Magazines Man of the year? Must have been a slow year.
Submitted by Despiadado (user info) at 2004-01-21 08:37:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
*sigh*
Hitler promised 1000 years. You said that he promised three times that amount.
You said he was self-hating jew. I can't even being to explain to you what was wrong with that statement, and if you're refering to the unsubstantiated rumor that his grandfather was jewish, then you will need more evidence than your say so.
You said he shot himself. Although never completely proven, it is believed that he took a cyanide capsual as that has been the confirmed cause of death of his companions in the bunker; his dog, blondie, and his wife, Eva Braun. Also presenting this as fact is misleading to say the least. For all we know he could be alive and well in the apartment across from you, because no identifiable body was ever recovered.
By the time he was in that bunker, Eva was not his mistress, but his wife.
That's enough of taking apart this rubbish for one day.
Submitted by CrumbleBum (user info) at 2004-01-21 08:27:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Okay, lets go over this, stated fact by stated fact. Because I want to know where I'm lying.
"Oh yeah, the pathetic self hating Jew"
http://www.maven.co.il/ask/answer.asp?Q_ID=3568&N=&S=12
Okay, so it's just that maybe one of hisgrandparents was Jewish. I admit, I embellished there. And anyway, a grandparent would have made him 1/4th. And the cut off was 1/16th.
"shot himself in the head in a bunker"
This happened. Everyone knows that happened.
while pissing his pants and weeping on the shoulder of his ugly whore of a mistress."
http://www.peoples.ru/family/wife/braun/braun.jpg
Thats not a pretty woman, folks.
"But his right hand men followed through with the message of Aryan brotherhoo.... oh... oh wait.. no.. they all kicked off as soon as things got dodgy as well... "
http://www.rotten.com/library/bio/nazi/heinrich-himmler/
http://www.rotten.com/library/bio/nazi/hermann-goering/
http://www.rotten.com/library/bio/nazi/joseph-goebbels/
Three of the big ones, right there. Kicked off just as the whole spiel was drawing to a close.
"But! The Third Reich Lives On... Oh... Wait... Yeah..Well.. He promised it would last 3000 years... and I suppose he was only about 2970 short... "
Okay. So I did fuck up here. He took over as dictator in 1934 when Paul von Hindenburg died. And obviously, he was about wrapped up with things by 1945. And he only promised 1,000 years. So he was 989 short. I'm sorry about that.
"But his message lives on, right? I mean, his current followers are the kinds of people and white person would want to call Brother, right..? I mean, they aren't the kind of juvanille dipshits to skip around a cluster of handles trolling a user submission literature site, right? "
Have you seen the main page in the past few hours?
All in all, I don't think I strayed from truth TOO far in an article that was meant mostly for humor sake. So I messed up on some exact qutations. I don't think I greivously misrepresented the fella.
So what did I do wrong here?
Submitted by ForeverJaded (user info) at 2004-01-21 08:25:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Funny mainly, I thought it was a witty way to say FUCK YOU. <gives you snaps>
Submitted by CrumbleBum (user info) at 2004-01-21 07:52:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Wait, which parts where Lies?
Submitted by CrumbleBum (user info) at 2004-01-21 07:47:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Goddamn, neg. ratings for not liking Hitler, and liking Israel. Tough crowd.
Submitted by Despiadado (user info) at 2004-01-21 07:46:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Thankyou for this uninformed view of Hitler and his contempary followers. Not that I support those fuckass spammers, but at least state facts, not these lies.
Submitted by scottyvgs <thebandgeekmafia.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-01-21 07:38:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
you suck...
dont lower the dead kennedys to the likes of you...
Submitted by CrumbleBum (user info) at 2004-01-21 06:04:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Actually the focus I was more going for was "Nazi Spammer Guy is Stupid"
I was trying to go about it in a clever way, because it's kind of obvious, but I thought if I did it right it'd be amusing. :: shrug :: I dunno. I may have failed in that respect.
Still, fuck you, Nazi guy.
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2004-01-21 06:02:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 for god bless Israel
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2004-01-21 05:58:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, I get it. Hitler was a bad guy.
Thanks, mister.