Love, lust and indifference. (418 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: -0.18 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <cubloboy.at.someplace.here> (View user info) at 2004-01-21 15:16:25 EST
My first post...a true story:
I spent a little more than a year as manager of an Amoco gas station. I know it was not very glamourous, but it did provide me with free gasoline and plenty of funny stories. This being the state of New Jersey, one of the only two in the U.S. that has made self-serve illegal, I had quite a few fellas working for me that pumped gas, washed windows, checked oil and generally got paid lousy money for a shit job. Matt was one of the guys that pumped gas and we got to be pretty good friends. At one point, I set up Matt on a date with a friend of my then girlfriend. Matt was pretty shy and so was my girlfriends pal. My girl's name was Petunia and her friend was Helga. (no shit.) Now Helga was one of those true Scandanavian stereotypes...cute, blond, quiet, tall, fair-skinned and apt to giggle into her hands much too often. We decided to double date and headed off to the antithesis of good italian cooking: The Olive Garden. Long story short, (too late) Matt, Helga and Petunia proceeded to get piss-ass drunk. Sure, I kept up with them for the first three shots, but I quit after that....somebody had to drive us home. Throughout the course of dinner, it became obvious that Matt and Helga were enjoying each other's company more and more. That may have been because they were encouraged by their mutual initial shyness and were thus emboldened...or more likely it was becuase of the tequila shots. Being the most stable of the four, I was the winner of the car-key wrestle out in the parking lot and won the honor of being our driver on the way home. Petunia settled into the passenger seat next to me and Matt slid into the back seat with Helga. We were barely out of the parking lot when I saw the two of them begin kissing. Not just kissing like you and me, but tongue-sucking, spit-swapping, face-sucking monsters. I cranked up the radio and avoided looking in the rearview mirror. We blasted down the highway for about 15 minutes or so, most of my attention on the road in front of me trying to look out for police speed traps and DWI checkpoints. Suddenly, I felt a frantic tapping on my shoulder and I looked over at Petunia. Her face was a lovely shade of green and she looked like she had chipmunk cheeks full of nuts. It took me a couple of seconds to realize that she was biting back a mouthful of yummy vomit. I told her not to worry, I'd pull over right away. I guess in retrospect I could've taken my time moving over to the shoulder, but I didn't want to waste anytime. I jerked to a stop in the shoulder so quickly that something struck the back of my chair and knocked me forward. I turne to look at what it was and I found a bare, white, hairy ass inches from my face. I pulled back and saw that Matt and Helga were buck naked, screwing like animals and they had been thrown to the floor of the back seat. I started laughing hysterically. I attracted Petunia's attention and she turned as well to see what was so funny. She also lost control at that moment, spewing vomit all over the humping nakedness behind us. You know...some of that spew bounced off of my friend Matt's bare ass and ended up on my arm. Besides the ass-tainted puke on my arm, it was one of the funniest days of my life.
User Reviews
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-01-21 21:41:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
hahahaha
good story.
Submitted by Cassiopeia (user info) at 2004-01-21 17:34:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"My first post..."
*BAM!* instant -2!!!!!
Submitted by Whiskey_Sour (user info) at 2004-01-21 16:09:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus christ you bitches, give him a
break on the fucking paragraphs.
Great story.
Submitted by Azriel (user info) at 2004-01-21 16:04:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Use Paragraphs man... Euh sorry, thought it would be funny to repeat it to you another time.
Submitted by Shay (user info) at 2004-01-21 15:56:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I am not reading all that. Ever hear of paragraphs?
Submitted by Slopster53 (user info) at 2004-01-21 15:46:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Check:Vomit
Check:Sex
Check:Drinking
Submitted by deadsnoopy (user info) at 2004-01-21 15:42:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
a REAL man would have hit that...puking is just nature's way of saying, "look at what lunch looks like."
Submitted by CubLoboy (user info) at 2004-01-21 15:32:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
sooooo...paragraphs then? Don't beat around the bush, tell me what you really feel.
Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2004-01-21 15:30:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Paragraphs, man. Paragraphs.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-01-21 15:27:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Does "My first Post" ALWAYS have to coincide with "I don't know how to hit the return/enter key?"
Go directly to jail. DO NOT collect $200.
And next time, create paragraphs so we all don't go blind.
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-21 15:20:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I might have thought this was funny if I had been inhaling gas fumes for the past year like yourself.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-01-21 15:20:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
you would have gotten a +2 if you had used paragraphs.