Pimpy McPimp (528 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 2 on 4 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <daswk.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-01-21 22:25:52 EST
This my fellow uberusers is the story of the man, the myth, and the legend...Pimpy McPimp. Now I have no clue what this Cadillac of a man's name is, nor do I very much care. For to me, and my friends the nickname would do just fine.
Now I have only stumbled across his path once, in a time long past, in a land distant from that which I call home. I am talking about Indianapolis. To me Indiana stains. As a state on the whole it seems nothing more than gas stations and farms. All except the Gem of a city of Indianapolis. I only saw a few blocks of Indianapolis my whole weekend visit there, but it was amazing.
Setting: This kick ass bar/resteraunt/arcade called Jillians (I THINK). It served some overpriced food that wasn't very good, but that wasn't what concerned me. Upstairs they had a killer bar that was surrounded by hundreds of arcade games. They even had a mock bowling alley equipped with a Bud built into the armrest. It was an awe inspiring setting. Music blared, women danced, and alcohol flowed like milk and honey.
Sadly my friends and I were on a strict schedule, so we spent a few minutes dicking around and playing some of the games. Just acting like a bunch of asses. We were suprised that whenever we did well these yellow tickets would come out. Drawing on our childhood experiences we fondly remembered long afternoons spent a Chuck-e-Cheeses. Spending mommy and daddy's hard earned money on cheap ass games and crappy pizza. Working all day to earn what? A plastic Barbie comb and 4 Tootsie Rolls. For some reason these arcade places ALWAYS have Tootsie Rolls, I think it is mandated by law or something.
Like idiots we collect all the tickets we can, scrambling from game to game like some rabid squirrels after their prized nuts. After collecting a handfull of tickes we proudly drop them off at the counter and recieve a most peculiar look from the hippy operating the prize area. The prizes to choose from were Tootsie Rolls, little parachute men, a lamp that looked remarkably like a bong, and... and...and..HUNDREDS of rubber balls.
We all gasped in unison *Gasp!* and immediately questioned the hippy as to how many we could recieve. 27 he told us. TWENTY SEVEN BOUNCY BALLS. I thought I had died and gone to Indianapolis heaven. We immediately celebrated by losing approximately half of the balls in the bar/arcade. Then we were kicked out for "disruptive behavior". What the fuck? What kind of bullshit is that, you give away balls and expect people not to use them like five year olds on a sugar trip? Puh-Fucking-Leeze.
Outside we waited for the rest of our group to finish eating. We observed a group of EXTREMELY intoxicated homosexuals have an argument about where they were going. In which Jake leaned against one of his companions and drunkenly utter "Rick...Wick...Wrick I pwamise ju that a..ai..I can git us der. Ra-Rick a pwamise ju." To which his companion kindly said "I'm not Rick, I'm John." Realizing his mistake Jake leaned over and gave him a big sloppy drunk kiss. They then spent the next five minutes looking for their respective cars and sped off into the night, turning the corner one of them managed to knock over a small newspaper stand.
Letting the most peculiar course of events that had just occured sink in, we spent our time hurling various balls across the street. Letting them bounce against the adjacent buildings, and then stupidly laughing at their trip back towards us. Many were lost to oncomming traffic, but a few brave balls made it back.
That is when it happened. Off in the distances, past the smoke spewing from the sewers below a shadowed figure emerged. Standing no more than five feet tall he strutted his stuff. This my friends, is where Pimpy McPimp entered and forever changed my life.
A small African-American man, dressed in a purple suit and hat eased his way over to me and my astonished friends. It was then we noticed the small cup that he had clenched in his filthy hand. He held it out in front of my friend and shook it expectantly. My friend, blinded by the spectacle before him, obliged. Reaching deep he pulled out a wrinkled dollar bill and deposited in the cup. McPimp went down the line, never speaking a word, just shaking his pan handling cup at each person. Each followed suit and gave him some form of money. As each coin hit the bottom of the cup, making a clingle clangle he would nod his head and smile a TOOTHLESS grin.
Then he reaced me. I had absolutely no money on me. He looked at me with those puppy dog eyes, veiled by his purple hat and shook his little cup. My heart could not stand turning him away empty handed, but was stumped. Suddenly inspiration hit me like an 18-Wheeler smashing into a Rubber ball on a quiet Indiana night. I reaced deep into my pocket and produced a small, blue ball. He cocked his head at me most peculiarly as it hit the bottom of his cup with a thud. He reached in and fished it out. After studying it for a moment he dropped it on the ground and was delighted when it returned to his hand.
He flashed his toothless smile at me and thought for a moment. Raising his finger in the air as if to signify that he had an idea, he removed his flashy purple hat. He then placed it gingerly on my head and skipped away...yes SKIPPED away. Merrily bouncing the ball every few feet. He was gone, vanished into the night, as fast as he had appeared,
He had never spoken a word to us, nor we to him, but each and everyone one of us felt changed somehow by this purple and black leprechaun of the dark Indianapolis night. Not knowing his name we refered to him in future conversations by the only title that we agreed could fit a man of such epic stature...
Pimpy McPimp
User Reviews
Submitted by Adjomak (user info) at 2005-04-13 21:15:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Anybody go back to read the good ones?
Submitted by Freeman at 2004-01-28 01:42:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha...This is great...
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-01-22 11:51:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I found this hilarious.
Submitted by Swik (user info) at 2004-01-21 23:20:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
damn, i've been posting a lot lately...I have too much free time.