Another go at posting a long ass piece of fiction. (498 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.78 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by CrumbleBum <piperatthegat13.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-01-23 01:13:58 EST
The name of the piece is "Time" because I couldn't think of anything better. Shred it to pieces, ladies and gentlemen.
I cough, and I check my watch. 9:48 PM. Friday. Full Moon. Never underestimate the value of a watch that gives the current phase of the moon. I stare motionlessly out the window. Twelve minutes. I stir my coffee.
9:53 PM. I light a generic cigarette with a plastic disposable lighter. It emits a tiny, flickering flame, suggesting that it's reserve of fuel is just about at an end. I wonder silently how much longer I can drag it out. If I'm careful, how many more cigarttes can I light with it? I tap the green plastic on the counter rythmically, creating a tiny battle march. Or perhaps a dirge, to mourn the evetual passing of a most trusted assistant. Seven minutes. I take a few pills.
9:58 PM. I flick the ash off my cigarette nervously. I'm not very good at meeting new people. I can play it cool, but inside I'm a mess. Jittering, tapping my foot, a thousand little habits line up, each one coming into play as the last is noticed and dismissed. I watch the door, and my throat goes dry. I sip the coffee, but it dosent help. Well, maybe it helps a little. Two minutes. I rub my left eyebrow.
10:02 PM. She's late. Two minutes late.
10:03 PM. Just as my panic reaches an apex, she flurries through the door, her red jacket clinging close to her athletic, angular body. In someone else, I would find this rather suggestive, and symbolic of being wrapped in sex. However, she has a certain naivete to her that suggests that the alluring combo is purely accident. Which makes it all the more alluring. One hour, fifty seven minutes.
10:28 PM. She is rather charming. She has a low voice, uncharacteristic of her slender figer and mousy face. She has an utterly disarming way of speaking, with routine pauses to choose specific words for maximized effect. Sometimes, I catch something that I almost believe is innuendo, but I can't be sure. One hour, thirty two minutes.
10:47 PM. A light dinner is finished. I order a plate of chicken tenders, and she orders a 12 oz. steak, rare. It's almost a pleasure to watch her eat it. She is quite vigorous. I like watching people so full of life. I hardy touch my chicken, as a full belly tends to make me lethargic and tired. And by the look of her, I'll need my energy. We decide to drive around for a while. One hour, thirteen minutes.
11:25 PM . We drive around the city, drudging up old memories. Personally, I've never been to this city. But she's lived here her whole life. She points out both of her childhood homes. I suggest she shows me her current home in a flash of confidence, and to my surprise, she agrees with a smile. My stomach is very nearly empty, except for what must have been 2 and a half pots of coffee. I present a cool exterior, but I am livid with excitement and energy. Thirty five minutes.
11:37 PM. We sit in her living room, chatting. She shows me her hobby, ceramics and the painting thereof. Eventually, there is a magical first kiss. I feel embarassed, as I rarely pull off this Don Juan act. It seems to have worked flawlessly. Of course, I thought to myself, she probably wanted it to work. She probably let it work. We have a few drinks. Well, she does.Twenty three minutes.
11:48 PM. The drinks seem to take effect quickly, as she has removed most of her clothing, althogh I have manged to keep most of mine intact. I am rather nervous. This isn't usually how it happens. How could I be this lucky? How could it all fall into place like this. Her excuse for removing her clothing is that she dosent want it to rip. I chuckle. This does nothing for my nerves. We kiss, and we grope. Twelve minutes.
11:58 PM. We enter into very advanced states of foreplay. I am terribly, terribly nervous. I'm not sure I can do this. She's very strong, very energetic, and very dextrous. I'm not sure that I am up to the challange. It'll take some work. I'm not good at thinking on my feet. I like to have this kind of thing already planned out, I like to have time to prepare myself. I wasnt prepared for this. Two minutes.
12:01 AM. Something is wrong. I made a mistake. I must have. Something is very, very wrong.
12:03 AM. I remove a large revolver quickly from my jacket as I hurdle through the air, away from the couch. I do a sommersault on the ground, twisting myself as to face the beast. It is eight and a half feet tall and covered in reddish brown, wirey hair. It has claws that I would gauge anywhere from two to two and a half inches long. She is one of the largest and quickest I have seen. Her maw is enormous, and could probably fit my entire head, a fate I just narrowly avoided. My first two hasty shots miss, which is a goddamn shame, because they are difficult to pull out of woodwork. The following four make efficient contact in the chest, probably puncturing the heart and lungs. My watch is three minutes fast. She was on time after all.
12: 08 AM. I carry a special a special pair of bottle nosed pliars to extract slugs with. Firtstly so that ballistics tests are impossible, and secondly, because silver isn't cheap. The room is thick with the smell of spent powder as I gather my possessions. Her body has already reverted to it's human form, which is a shame as I usually try and get a poloroid of the lycanthropic corpse as a keepsake.
12:22 AM. I sit in my car, smoking a cigarette and listening to classical music on the radio. I am calmed by it. I pick up my planner, and I page through it. I find todays date, and I make a little X next to her name. I flip to the next page. Hmmm. Atlanta, Georgia. I've never been there. Twnty Seven days, Twenty Three hours, and thirty eight minutes. I start the car.
User Reviews
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-01-29 14:56:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
+2 cuz you said lycanthrope instead of werewolf. BTW did you see Underworld? :)
Submitted by Voodoo_Child (user info) at 2004-01-29 14:48:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nice one
Submitted by CrumbleBum (user info) at 2004-01-23 16:12:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
An angle I thought of trying to introduce, but never did, was- Was she a werewolf, or is somebody really, really schitzophrenic?
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-01-23 15:21:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Wickedriser (user info) at 2004-01-23 15:09:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
whoopsies how'd i do that?
+ another 2 cause you deserve it.
-dan
Submitted by Wickedriser (user info) at 2004-01-23 15:07:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i got 'fused in the middle, when you/the guy went to shoot the lady... then i realized she was a Werewolf(spelled right?).. but that's how you wanted to write it. so.. yeah
-dan
Submitted by Wickedriser (user info) at 2004-01-23 15:07:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i got 'fused in the middle, when you/the guy went to shoot the lady... then i realized she was a Werewolf(spelled right?).. but that's how you wanted to write it. so.. yeah
-dan
Submitted by Slopster53 (user info) at 2004-01-23 14:45:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome tale!!!!
Submitted by BRICKHOUSE (user info) at 2004-01-23 14:04:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice work
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-01-23 13:51:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty damn good.
Submitted by HungLikePepsiCan (user info) at 2004-01-23 13:45:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-01-23 12:30:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
cool.
Submitted by someguy (user info) at 2004-01-23 11:36:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice story, I wasn't going to read it at first because the start is kinda slow/dry but after readin the other reviewers I drudged thru the first two paragraphs and started to like it.
Submitted by Lyric (user info) at 2004-01-23 01:53:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like this a lot. Good reading, and an interesting way of looking at a werewolf story. The countdown until the next full moon at midnight, a very nice touch.
+2 for you!
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2004-01-23 01:33:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for having your email addy reference a pink floyd album!
Submitted by T.chow (user info) at 2004-01-23 01:29:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
it seems the whole have sex with someone then suddenly kill them thing has been done before here.
but this is by far the best written version i've seen. bravo.