I hate my brain (640 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.33 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Andras (View user info) at 2004-01-23 01:57:24 EST
Ok, its time for me to come clean. The fuck this website... post was just a small attempt at getting some much needed publicity and an experiment too (I shall not reveal the purpose of said experiment though).:). Now, I know that some of you will probably hate me for doing that, but hey, I got your attention didn't I?
Having said that I have decided to accept the "write-good-stuff-and-they-will-come" thingie, so here goes nothing.
Now, in case you might be wondering what the hell does that have to do with the title, allow me to explain: you see, from time to time I have interaction with a certain part of my body that most humans have (although people all over the world have found other people that can actually make them question this fact): my brain. No, I don't talk to it and have a cute conversation with it, because its simply not possible, my brain merely emits a "shock" that goes through my nervous system and makes me do shit I'm not supposed to do, completely on impulse with no fear of the consequences of my actions. Its not tourette's syndrome, it goes beyond randomly cussing and all that, sometimes it makes me say things, sometimes it makes me do things.
Now, having said that it is time for the good stuff:
Well, picture me, a small (1.72 meters high) skinny, pale metalhead who wears satanic looking shirts and also spikes, who just turned eighteen (legal drinking age in my country, also it is the legal driving age) the 31 of October of 1996. Got that image in your mind? Good. Now picture me in a car with a friend, you know just going around to get some cigarettes at the store, you know the loud "evil" music blaring on the car's stereo and the loud "evil" us singing along to it, the guy in the passenger seat is headbanging (I am not doing that for obvious reasons) and everything was going just peachy.
And then all hell broke loose.
Suddenly I hear some sirens... whoa, not good. I get nervous when cops pull me over. Anyways I stop in an orderly fashion, everything in order and all that, but when the officer approaches the car I happened to notice a crucifix hanging from his neck, and at that moment I knew there would be trouble. You see, I do not discriminate people for what they believe in, I just let them be, unfortunately, I live in a country that hasn't quite adopted the "live and let live" mentality, people here are very prejudiced against what they find to be wrong, or in other words what is not Christian.
"May I see you license and registration?"- Said the officer
"Of course"- I said, probably showing my nervousness when I talked.
"You one of them metal kids?"-The officer asked me
"Well, yeah, I am" (pretty fucking obvious, you know).
"What have you been up boy? anything illegal?"
Well, now you may think, "what a goddamned stupid question, even if he WAS up to something illegal, he isn't going to just tell you, officer moron".
But that's where you're mistaken... and where the "I hate my brain" part begins. You see, my response was somewhere along the lines of:
"Now that you mention it, my friend and me just happened to be smoking crack in the illegal whorehouse that is located on the backyard of my residence" of course I wasn't doing that, but.......BAD move.
"What, you think you're funny boy?"
At this moment I was kinda freaking out, so I signal my friend to come out of the car to back me up with an convenient "he's insane/retarded" story, but for some reason my "friend" decided to open the door on the drivers side, the door which I happened to be standing right next to at the moment. That made me trip. This fall was interpreted by the cop as an attempt to attack him, you know, use the spikes to hit his head or something, also the fact that I oh so casually mentioned that I had been smoking crack didn't help much either.
And lucky me, you know what happens over here when a spike-wearing-crackhead "tries" to "attack" a cop who just happens to think that he's not only a crackhead, but also that he sacrifices babies and cows to drink their blood?
Weeeeell, lets just call it "nightstick-time"
Luckily after the incident, we were able to slip the cop some money to let us just go.
Which means I not only got my shit ruined by a total stranger, but that I also paid him for it, officially making me his bitch...
all because of an ill-timed nervous impulse from my brain... god damn! I hate that little fucker.
END
User Reviews
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2004-01-24 21:14:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Metal.
Submitted by andras (user info) at 2004-01-23 16:30:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
uh, excuse me for the typo, but the date in which i turned eighteen is supposed to say 1999 not 96.
sorry, didnt see that typo until today.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-01-23 13:18:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't care a damn about your "experiment" - but on the other hand, I thought this was pretty fucking hilarious.
"...got my shit ruined by a total stranger, but that I also paid him for it"
Great line.
+2
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-01-23 13:17:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
what, no zombies?
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-01-23 13:08:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 for use of "got my shit ruined by a total stranger"
haha!
don't mind ciccero. majority rules.
Submitted by IndianOcean (user info) at 2004-01-23 12:33:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
how about nice metal lunch for your brain?? give that a shot. get it..
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2004-01-23 11:39:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"I have decided to accept the "write-good-stuff-and-they-will-come" thingie, so here goes nothing."
That sounds like something stupid I would say so 0 (worth reading)
Submitted by TaK (user info) at 2004-01-23 11:27:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is better friend. I doubt the honesty of the story, but hell, who said you had to tell the truth all the time?
+2 for the effort.
Submitted by Cicciro (user info) at 2004-01-23 03:38:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Also... you are an idiot for even having an experience like that. Respect the cops you imbecile, I don't care how out of it you are.
Don't think your country is the only one in which this shit happens. It happens up here all the time. It's called being a dumbass and that is what you are.
Submitted by Cicciro (user info) at 2004-01-23 03:34:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't need to "live your life" to have problems. I certainly don't need to "live your life" to figure out for myself this is a BAD post.
END
Submitted by IndianOcean (user info) at 2004-01-23 03:19:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
is this story True chicka??? cause it's very funny..
Submitted by andras (user info) at 2004-01-23 02:59:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
well, while Costa Rica may be a beatiful country, you don't want to live here, trust me. Fuck, visit it all you want, have fun, but when you move here and actually live experiences like the one i just wrote about, only then will you be able to talk. ok Cicciro?
Submitted by Cicciro (user info) at 2004-01-23 02:51:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This post was a... BAD move.
Don't avoid Costa Rica Hair... it is a very beautiful country.
Submitted by andras (user info) at 2004-01-23 02:17:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Costa Rica, third world country in central america
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2004-01-23 02:12:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes, let us know which country to avoid.
Submitted by fartknocker at 2004-01-23 02:05:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
and what country might that be?