My Neighbor's Two-Year-Old Daughter Has Been Defeated!!! (3667 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.67 on 133 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Tom Sorrell <sorrelltr.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-01-23 19:07:43 EST
THIS IS PART THREE OF MY SERIES ABOUT MY NEIGHBOR'S EVIL CHILD. YOU CAN FIND THE FIRST TWO PARTS HERE:
PART ONE: http://www.ubersite.com/m/22871
PART TWO: http://www.ubersite.com/m/22930
And now I present to you, part three:
================================================================================
I needed bread.
I had been living on water and ramen noodles for the last two weeks and because of the ever-present hellion living next door I can not leave the apartment. I had run out of bread a week ago and the supply of ramen was running short. I sat on my couch for a while considering my options. I even gave some thought to dragging the corpse of my wife through the door and feasting on her flesh but I believe that cannibalism is not in my best interest. (Somehow I don't think a jury would believe that the two-year-old living next door killed her and I ate the dead body to survive.) I decided that my only option was a trip to the grocery.
I removed the desk, shelves, and love seat from behind the door and undid the three locks on the door. I opened it and peeked out into the hallway. It seemed eerily quiet. Seeing no one, I walked through the door. I stepped over the decomposing carcass of my wife and slowly crept down the hall making less noise than that of an anorexic field mouse.
I thought I had made it down the hallway without being discovered but I was wrong. As I passed, door to her apartment swung open. I came face to face with the my tormenter. I nearly soiled myself as I saw two feet six inches of evil staring right up me.
I turned to flee, but a tickle-me Elmo went flying past my head and landed at the bottom of the steps. She was sending a message to me. I stopped and turned. She stood before me menacingly cackling that maniacal laugh that burns through my ears and stabs my brain like a red-hot poker. Slowly I came to understand that it was fight or die.
I squared myself up to her as she cracked her knuckles in anticipation. I faked to the left, she countered with a side step shimmy-shake. I feinted to the right, she only smiled, standing her ground. All of the sudden, the hallway was bathed with sunlight and I head a voice say: "Slap her my son." I quickly walked up to her and slapped her forehead with the palm of my right hand. She immediately fell to the ground face first and I saw a shadow rise up from her body. It was Satan himself. I had defeated him! I was victorious! I walked up to the child, put my foot on her back and raised my hands triumphantly to the sky. "VICTORY IS MINE!!" I shouted.
It was then the door to her apartment opened and I was confronted by her irrational mother.
"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!?" she shouted.
"I was saving your daughter from the clutches of Satan," I calmly replied. "I am victorious. I am the winner."
"You're a psycho," she countered. "Get your foot off my baby."
"Look, I just saved the entire world. You should be thanking me," I said. "Where's the freaking gratitude lady?"
She was not amused, nor was she thankful. She scooped her daughter into her arms and carried her back into the apartment. I tried to make amends. "I'm going to the store!" I shouted. "Can I get you anything?"
No answer...my help is never appreciated.
User Reviews
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-08-01 14:55:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I missed this! And thank goodness you linked it because if you hadn't I would have missed out not only on the post and the odd feelings of triumph it gave me, but this: "repeatedly (once may qualify as repeatedly) posting" I heart you, Bart.
Submitted by Kichigai (user info) at 2004-04-29 06:21:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2004-01-29 13:13:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good post, but this conversation made me laugh even more:
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2004-01-23 21:23:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, I gotta offset this cloud's bad raknings that he gave for for no damned reason.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-01-23 21:27:52 (#)
Ranking: 0
cloud? What does that mean?
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2004-01-23 21:36:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
I saw it on an internet cartoon... sun was walking to the cloud, and teh cloud was all like, "So, when are you gonna stop giving people skin cancer?" And the sun was all like "Not until they make new episodes of Family Guy, you fucking cloud!" and the cloud thing just made me laugh. It makes sense though, clouds are soft and kinda retarded, like that asshat who keeps downgrading your article.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-01-23 21:37:50 (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, ok then.
Family Guy kicks ass.
---------------------------
Fuckin' cloud.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2004-01-26 14:57:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
BTG, you worry too much about your rating. Typical OSU fan. =P
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-01-26 14:49:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Damn you two and your 0's!!! (I'm kidding. heh)
Submitted by PolPot (user info) at 2004-01-26 04:00:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Phenomenon indeed.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-01-26 03:52:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not going to describe it here, but "goatse" is a very popular shock site. Picture a guy doing this (non pornographic, but you'll get the idea): http://conese.ath.cx/
Here's a description of the whole shock site phenomenon: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goatse.cx
Submitted by PolPot (user info) at 2004-01-26 03:38:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks for clearing it all up. Maybe it would be easier if there was like a rule page but then again these are all probably just common sense. The only unclear thing is this:
repeatedly (once may qualify as repeatedly) posting blatantly pornographic images without any kind of indication of such, for example a post titled "What I did for summer vacation" that had a picture of goatse attached.
Is that some kind of typo? Or is it just some porn star or something?
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-01-26 03:09:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There are unwritten rules, but they all relate to basic conduct as opposed to subject matter.
You can write about anything you want. Certain topics are pointless and have been done to death like religion, patriotism, abortion, racism, etc. but that doesn't stop people from droning on about them. If you want to talk about how much you hate Martha Stewart or how you can't stop looking at yourself in the mirror, it's all cool.
Generally speaking, the only reasons why I would ban somebody are for:
* spamming the site by posting dozens of comments in a row on a given post
* spamming the site by posting the same/similar comment on dozens of different posts
* setting up some kind of automated thing to repeatedly hit the site (presumably with the intention of driving up hit counts)
* posting messages from multiple accounts in an attempt to bypass the "one post per user on the front page" feature
* repeatedly (once may qualify as repeatedly) posting blatantly pornographic images without any kind of indication of such, for example a post titled "What I did for summer vacation" that had a picture of goatse attached.
* repeatedly knowingly impersonating other people
* posting things that are obviously plagiarized from a reasonably well known source (as a general rule, I don't consider pictures as plagiarism although they technically are)
I can't think of any other reason why I've ever banned someone. It doesn't really happen all that often, but more than you would think. The important thing is that all these reasons are intended to preserve the integrity of the system (ubersite) as a whole. They are not based on any kind of morality or censorship principles with the exception of the porn one... it's not that I don't like porn, it's just that a lot of people look at ubersite while they are at work. If the title says "This is a picture of a naked woman" and it in fact is a naked woman, that is ok with me.
Everyone here is equal in the eyes of Ubersite. Some people try to artificially impose too much influence on the site by rating things a hundred times or falsifying hit counts, and that's when they get banned.
Submitted by PolPot (user info) at 2004-01-26 02:57:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, I did a search for rules and all it had was submissions about different people who rule. Sorry to use your submission for asking all this stuff. It is just that this is so much like any other forum I have seen. Anyway, I hope to read another saga like this if you ever write another another one. Good work.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-01-26 02:21:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Trust me my friend, there is not.
It's kind of a "Figure things out as you go," type of thing.
Do a search for rules.
Submitted by PolPot (user info) at 2004-01-26 02:03:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks for the info. Just hope it is all accurate. Strikes me as strange there wouldn't be some sort of rules page though. And no disclaimer either.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-01-25 23:53:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Polpot, thanks for the nice comments about my story. I also wrote the other one you read. The links at the top of THIS one link you to the other two on the subject.
There are no real "RULES" on Uber. If you do a search for rules you're likely to find twenty posts full of nonsense. You made a wise decision to ask these questions in a review as submitting it would have pissed people off. Then (in the nature of the internet) you would be told to go fuck yourself, die, find a gay man and have sex with him, etc... People on here can be quite malicious.
Bart is actually the owner of the site. Well, I don't know if "owner" is the appropriate word but he's the one who runs the site.
Anyway, thanks again for your review.
Tom
Submitted by PolPot (user info) at 2004-01-25 21:36:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, pretty mad post. I will have to go back and read your previous ones, I think I something similar to this on boredatwork.com. Also, I have been reading all the reviews and I wanted to know can people get blocked from posting or something? And user: bart, it says you are the most viewed author on this site, is that what gives you the power to block people? What do you have to do to get blocked anyway? Does it happen often?
Sorry if I am using your post to find this out, but I don't want to submit just to find out. Is there a post or something that has all the rules? Anyway, keep up the good work, very good story.
Submitted by Falconer (user info) at 2004-01-25 15:51:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by whataefag (user info) at 2004-01-25 15:35:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Kai (user info) at 2004-01-25 02:55:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bahahahaah. Thank you so much for the entertainment. Your story is a gift from the heavens. or something.
Submitted by Chuck (user info) at 2004-01-24 22:19:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sometimes heroes are appriciated. It's a shame
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2004-01-24 21:21:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was awesome.
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 18:49:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And bart, would it be true that I would have to actually log in as squattail to indentify myself as myself on the new proxy server? Also, I don't believe you have ever warned me about spamming posts. That is only the 2nd time I have done it, and the other time was almost a year ago, and I am not even sure what happened to that, I think you got rid of my spammings, but this is all you said:
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2003-04-27 16:06:52 (#)
Ranking: -2
Because of this post, I am now a staunch supporter of capital punishment.
And I don't think that is much of a warning.
(super post!)
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-01-24 18:38:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 Because this little series was pretty funny. +1 because Bart came out and laid the smack down on a little bitch.
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 18:22:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"anorexic field mouse"
What a fantastic, adjective packed simile!! Super post!! +2! Shit, this is so good I am going to read it again and then print it and read it on the short bus! SUPER!!!
Submitted by Jughed (user info) at 2004-01-24 17:48:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"You're a psycho," she countered. "Get your foot off my baby."
HAHAHAHAHA
Thats awesome stuff
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-01-24 15:25:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Good God...a can of worms has been stirred up.
I don't know what that means.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-01-24 15:24:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wow. its a 2-for-1 deal.
get rid of squattail and a great conclusion to the story.
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-01-24 15:09:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Go, Bart! Woo!
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-01-24 14:53:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
squattail, I'm not trying to get you to leave. I'm trying to get you to stop being a little bitch. Thus far, you seem unwilling to stop being a little bitch, so then I have to try to make you leave.
Unfortunately, if this becomes an arms race of "where can I find a new anonymous proxy server" and "how quickly can I firewall the new anonymous proxy server", then I'm going to win. I'm pretty clever with that kind of stuff, I'd rather not even have to go that route.
AND ABOUT THIS ACTUAL POST...
It's still good.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2004-01-24 14:36:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Verification Email Has Been Sent
An email has been sent to you at: MickGinny.at.msn.com . This email contains a code that you need to enter in this box:
Code:
Once you have finished that, you will be able to post again and be happy.
Thank you for playing.
Sincerely,
The nice folks at Ubersite
THIS IS FUCKING LAME BART! I DID NOT GET ANY EMAIL CONFIRMATION WITH ANY FUCKING CODE. EVEN IF I WOULD HAVE, IT IS FUCKING LAME! I HAVE TOO MANY NUMBERS IN MY LIFE! STOP IT! OR I'M COMING TO CHITOWN!
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2004-01-24 13:51:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn squattail, that's quite a turnaround.
For the record I was the one who e-mailed Bart. Because first of all, it's not right for him to spam other people's posts with -2's and reciews like "WTF I'M NOT READING ALL THAT!" and it was only a matter of time before he hit one of my posts with that. I didn't know he had a history of this kind of stuff. =/
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 09:28:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And don't you worry, Bart. Despite the fact you keep trying to boot me and you keep failing, I am still going to stick to my word. I haven't even registered other accounts.
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 09:23:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is a super post. Funny, interesting, smart, well thought out, clever, original and most of all: true.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-01-24 07:49:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yea, that's the way to get back on his good side: call him an asshole.
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 07:28:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Come on Bart. Don't be such an asshole. Ok, I promise I won't sign up with a new account and hand out -2's like it is fucking judgement day. You happy? You have my personal guaruntee.
Submitted by amusediniraq (user info) at 2004-01-24 07:26:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Mostly I am bored out of my mind. Some of this shit is far more entertaining than watching a bunch of "stinkies" herd goats. Your comments are appreciated though
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-01-24 06:47:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Brother your name alone shows me how much more interesting life can be. I was in that region for a while when I was in the military. Not good times.
Thank you...both for your comment and your service.
Submitted by amusediniraq (user info) at 2004-01-24 06:44:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great story.
but the reviews go to show you how much more entertaining real life can be.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-01-24 05:21:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
While you're here Bart, I'd like to thank you for putting the first one of these on BAW. That means a lot.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-01-24 05:11:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this is awesome.
Submitted by Marx740 (user info) at 2004-01-24 05:02:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great job on removing the hellbeast.
And that fucktard squattail is finally gone. w00t
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-01-24 04:52:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't change any of his rankings, they just don't count anymore. I guess this would retroactively apply to all the old ones as well.
And I basically blocked him because of this:
"Don't you worry bart. I will use this account to submit. And a new account to rate."
I mean, I've asked him in the past not to spam posts. I've gone through on occasion and deleted some of the mess he's made. I just told him that I was going to stop counting his rankings. He's made it clear that he isn't going to stop spamming the site, so I don't really have any choice other than to either block him or allow him to do it.
And about the actual post... I'm glad you got her good.
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-01-24 04:23:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
are you changing ALL of squattail's ranks, or just the ones he's done the past few hours?
Oh, and good riddance, squattail.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-01-24 04:22:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Damn Bart, I didn't mean to go and get someone banned.
***PLEASE LET THE RECORD SHOW THAT I DID NOT E-MAIL OR CONVERSE WITH BART IN ANY WAY ABOUT THIS SITUATION.***
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-01-24 04:19:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't think squattail will be joining us anymore, folks.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-01-24 04:19:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've told you three times I couldn't care less about the heat thing. Stop bringing it up.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-01-24 04:16:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ah...nevermind
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 04:16:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Don't know, haven't created it. And everything happened like I said it would. I hope you miss the heat.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-01-24 04:14:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You will use what account to submit?
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 04:12:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
loving
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 04:12:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
am
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 04:11:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't you worry bart. I will use this account to submit. And a new account to rate. It's a win-win situation.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-01-24 04:10:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ah, thank you.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-01-24 04:06:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Kind of... I decided that due to squattail's blatant abuse of the system, his reviews will no longer count in either "heat" or "rating".
It's a win-win situation - he can -2 things a hundred times to make himself happy and since ratings don't count, he won't be upset that his votes are no longer considered in the calculation.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-01-24 04:02:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Holy shit, Bart has the power to make a post go from -1 to 1.4 with ONE +2?
Thanks Bart.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-01-24 03:56:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-01-24 02:56:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
FUCK IT MAN, I'M CONVINCED.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2004-01-24 02:54:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
It's not like you're contributing anything wortwhile, squattail. Hold on, let me cehck something.
-.31
That's your average post rating. Congrats on that, I've seen chimpanzees on typewriters get higher scores, and there wasn't even 100 of 'em.
Tom here has psoted some good stuff, including this article that posted on BoredAtWork.
I'm sorry, but no one else agrees with you.
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 02:47:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I kneaded bread
very clever
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-01-24 02:45:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Personally I don't give a damn how heated a thread is or how many hits I get. It's quality that matters in my opinion. I'd rather have a post be a 1.8 with 100 hits than a -1 with 20,000 hits. I like to know that I'm not writing drivel. My whole problem was you came on and gave me FIVE -2's for absolutely no reason. I've never had a problem with you, I don't even know you. What's the point of that?
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 02:42:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Anyway, thanks to me this post has gotten some very nice heat. Until bart does a clean sweep of my reviews. User hits are always better than scores.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-01-24 02:41:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, I like to stay modest and not brag about things I've done but when I seriously post (I've posted a few that were intentionally shit) it's usually well reviewed. Until someone hits me with 5 -2's. Then someone decides to counter those -2's. Then the first person gives me 50 more on two seperate posts that he didn't read.
If you didn't read my posts then how would you know they're worthy of -2's anyway? You just go around giving people -2's for no reason?
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 02:37:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No, I don't care what your user number is. The fact is most users just post shit. Maybe 3% of posts I read are interesting. You are part of the other 97%.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-01-24 02:34:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
So why keep giving me -2's? Just for shits and giggles? Because I'm a +4000 user? What? Please tell me.
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 02:31:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Fine, I will read them. Some time.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2004-01-24 02:28:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I think the idea that he was paranoid because of the child was supposed to be the joke. It's not like he was all like "Hot damn I need to get me a piece of that 7 year old ass."
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-01-24 02:27:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The fact that it's something so stupid that people would laugh.
Did you actually read any of them? If not, you have no idea what the point was. It's light-hearted entertainment and there's nothing perverse or strange about them.
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 02:24:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
What is it about small children that drives you to write all these posts?
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2004-01-24 02:23:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm just trying to get to the bottom of what you are trying to hide
-----------------------------
A switchblade?
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-01-24 02:19:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What I am trying to hide? And that would be what exactly?
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 02:16:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm just trying to get to the bottom of what you are trying to hide
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-01-24 02:09:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Honestly...what is your problem? Do you expect me to do the same to your posts? Or anyone else's posts for that matter? I won't do it man, I'm more mature than that.
What is the freaking problem you have with me? Apparently that spooner guy wanted to even out all your -2's. I don't know. I even told him to stop because it looked bad.
The point is, I didn't do anything to you and I certainly don't deserve 50 -2's. Grow up.
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 02:08:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Now we all know bart isn't going to sit by and do nothing. How could this super fantastic post ever have a negative score?
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2004-01-24 02:08:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
What the hell, I think I'll join the party.
You suck, squattail.
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 01:55:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
meant to say delete spooners posts as well, what a shithead
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 01:54:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 01:53:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
time
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 01:53:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
your
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 01:53:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
for
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 01:53:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
thankyou
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 01:53:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
posts
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 01:53:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
extra
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 01:53:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
spooner's
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 01:53:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
to
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 01:52:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
free
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 01:52:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
feel
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 01:52:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
these
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 01:52:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
delete
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 01:52:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
you
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 01:52:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
if
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 01:52:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
bart
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 01:52:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
special
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 01:52:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
that
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 01:52:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
not
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 01:52:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
are
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 01:52:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
you
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 01:52:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
this
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 01:52:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
do
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 01:52:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
can
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 01:52:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
anyone
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 01:51:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
spooner
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 01:51:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
remember
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 01:51:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
and
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 01:51:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
post
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 01:51:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
wrong
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 01:51:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
the
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 01:51:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
spammed
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 01:51:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 01:51:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
BOY!
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 01:51:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Hoo
Submitted by okiwilltellyou (user info) at 2004-01-24 01:15:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And to think I was going to go to sleep and miss this!!! Insanely funny!!!! Or am I just sleep deprived.....??
Nope, I was right the first time. Definately hilarious.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-01-23 21:44:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
OK, that's MORE than enough rankings from you. Er, thanks.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2004-01-23 21:42:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, shit, I gave you a 0, which kinda tales away form the work I had to do to counteract that fucking cloud. Forgive this review, just correcting my mistake.
Submitted by andras (user info) at 2004-01-23 21:41:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I was saving your daughter from the clutches of Satan," I calmly replied. "I am victorious. I am the winner."
+2 for including satan in the post.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2004-01-23 21:39:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Indeed, my friend, indeed.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-01-23 21:37:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, ok then.
Family Guy kicks ass.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2004-01-23 21:36:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I saw it on an internet cartoon... sun was walking to the cloud, and teh cloud was all like, "So, when are you gonna stop giving people skin cancer?" And the sun was all like "Not until they make new episodes of Family Guy, you fucking cloud!" and the cloud thing just made me laugh. It makes sense though, clouds are soft and kinda retarded, like that asshat who keeps downgrading your article.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-01-23 21:27:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
cloud? What does that mean?
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2004-01-23 21:23:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, I gotta offset this cloud's bad raknings that he gave for for no damned reason.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2004-01-23 20:52:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Only slightly.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2004-01-23 20:03:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome. SLightly more awesome than strippers with tacos.
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-23 19:39:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Yeah, this plot has as many holes as your girlfriend after you went at her with a coathanger for a few rounds.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-01-23 19:39:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I uh, I hit her really hard...or something.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-01-23 19:35:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Of course this is an awesome story... I just have one question. If you slapped her on her forehead, how did she manage to fall face first? Those damn devils ruin all the physics of a fall!
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2004-01-23 19:31:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Kick ass.
Submitted by Tabatha (user info) at 2004-01-23 19:28:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-23 19:27:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
POSTS sorry
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-23 19:26:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You write three entire psots obsessing about a two year old girl? You sound like one sick fucker to me.
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2004-01-23 19:21:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2004-01-23 19:15:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it. Was earlier wondering if there was a sequal to your first post.
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-23 19:15:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No, that isn't how you say it. That is the bastardized version. My original one has always just been:
WTF IM NOT READING ALL THAT
there is no punctuation or exclamation marks, and all capitals
Submitted by Y3D (user info) at 2004-01-23 19:14:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2004-01-23 19:12:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Who are these assholes who keep posting -2's and saying: "WTF, I'm not reading all that!!"
If you don't have anything to add, don't post.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-01-23 19:11:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
He gets it from your side of the family, you know. No monsters on my
side.
-- Homer Simpson
Treehouse of Horror II
Sometimes I wonder if Bart has a program that searches for keywords in the post and picks the appropriate Simpsons quote.
Other times I wonder what my bellybutton smells like.
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-23 19:09:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
WTF IM NOT READING ALL THAT