Am I a lightweight? (855 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: -0.21 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Despiadado <bored.at.work.com> (View user info) at 2004-01-24 11:07:46 EST
Am I a light weight? Am I a Cadbury? Is my ability to consume alcohol quite up to spec?
Too lazy to read the post? Skip down to the end for the upshot.
Allow to give you some further insight into exactly what these abilities are, before you judge me. I am an Australian-German. Do you know what that means boys and girls? That's right! I should be able to drink anyone I meet right under the table before I even start to feel tipsy. That's in theory anyhow. I have been to many parties(it looks gay spelt with the "i" but apparently that's the correct spelling) with other Europeans such as Serbians and Croatians whose ability to drink has been much less than my own. I once consumed a six-pack of Heinekens whilst the Croat that was drinking with me was plastered of three or so cruisers. He's never been drinking with me again though, maybe it was the all the shit I gave him for bringing a girl's drink to the party, maybe it was the shit I gave him when I finished off his girl's drink and went on to clear out what was left in the tiny bar fridge and head for a different party. However at the next party I got to, a stocky Bosnian Muslim emptied a lager, when I opened it and put it down on the table just for a second, making me look like a fucking fool.
Anyhow, this all gave me the impression that I was about average for a drinker. Not too much, not too little, always stayed conscious to look out for my mates, but was always drunk enough to have a good time, and pass out when the time came. Two nights ago, this image was shattered. I was at the going away party for a guy who was leaving my place of employment ( http://www.ubersite.com/m/22519 ), where I had gone a fella about my same age halves in a carton of beer. This guy was about my age but much smaller and with much less experience in drinking, so I figured that I could pay half, but drink what ever I wanted. We got the night started with dinner at one of the girls from works houses, and then moved on to a cabin out in the fucking sticks, that one of the guys' parents owned. Once there, one of the girls had realised that she was the only one not drinking and that she had to an emergency run to the grog-shop. That meant quite a long wait for the rest of us who had promised that we would all start of with a tequila shooter, and go on from there. The waiting got us all pretty tense, and some of the guys began to make assertions about how much they would get down before passing out. I'm a pretty understated guy, so I didn't voice my opinion, but I did think to myself I recon I could take these guys, I mean, I've gotta be the second biggest here, and, hey, I'm a fucking Deutsch boy.
The guy who this party was being thrown for is a weird one. He's a German born, Vietnamese bred hardcore drinker. He was clearly gonna be my biggest opposition. The thing is though, that apparently Asians lack a gene present in all Europeans, Hispanics and some Africans, which allows us to break down alcohol. Hmm...Food for thought. The girls soon got back with two bottles of passion pop for the chick who didn't buy anything, and we all got down to business. We all sat around the table and had shots of tequila poured for us by our host. We then had to explain to some of the newbies what the procedure was with the salt and the lemons. They finally got it (this is fast food employees we're dealing with here people), and we slammed down our shots in unison. This was for starters. I immediately cracked open a beer and got that out of the way ASAP. My Asian friend was slower to start, pouring a rum and coke and just lightly sipping on it for the time being. I had gone another bottle before I saw him slamming down an almost full glass of rum and coke when he made me an offer I couldn't refuse. He said that he would give me, a glass of rum and coke, as strong as I could mix it, for every Heineken I gave him. The alcoholic content side of things up until this point had been well in his favor, but now I could either match or better what he was doing.
I still had an almost full beer in my hand, but I downed that after a count down by some of my mates and then me and said Asian friend, started another round together. I had a rum and coke down in not long, but still not fast enough for him. He had found some fool who wanted to challenge him to a downing comp. Needless to say, the Asian walked away victorious, whilst his adversary lied throwing up into a bucket. My recollection of the night kind of trickles of here, but I do remember drinking a John Walker (some kind of mix in a can), and at least one more rum 'n' coke and at least one more beer. After the tub was emptied of alcohol, we got into the weed. Actually, me and another had already snuck into that and had a cone each a few hours before, but who was to know that? My Asian friend was either stalling for ages as he held the bong getting ready to pack it, or was simply too drunk to realise I was getting fucking annoyed with him sitting there talking, when I wanted to be smoking. He finally lit up a cone and pulled it all, then packed another and told us that the guy who a bought us the shit should go next. We mistook one of the younger guys for the buyer and tried to force a cone into him. We were not successful.
So we passed the peace pipe in a three way circle but my Vietnamese friend only got down one more before having to lie down and chuck his guts up. The other smoker was also out after just two, but wasn't rolling round on the floor sick either. I ended up doing another four after they had both left, mainly because every one was quite surprised that I smoked, and crowed around me packing up cones and holding the light for me while I puffed on it. After every cone they were all saying "Just one more, come on! Fucking lightweight!" I eventually had to crash and dreamed of a weird computer game that I was stuck in for a while, then I opened my eyes and everything looked like I was in that movie Waking Life. By morning I was so fucking sick I couldn't even eat the MacDonalds breakfast menu, and I fucking love that shit! My Asian friend was lying with me, just as sick as I was and we both slept the day away. Anyhow, here's the total:
I had three confirmed beers, all lagers (a lager is a light beer I think)
I had one confirmed John Walker (some kind of mixed drink)
I had two confirmed Rum and Cokes (to be fair the first one was pretty weak, but I think the later one(s) would have made up for that)
That's 6 CONFIRMED drinks, but I'm sure the total was more than that. All of those are either confirmed by a witness or photos (sorry people, the evidence isn't yet availible to me, I'll post up the pics at a later date).
Then there was the weed. Six cones, five confirmed by a circle of onlookers, the other one was out side with one guy who just about greened after.
So, am a lightweight or what?
User Reviews
Submitted by 10c7c (user info) at 2004-11-02 12:30:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Tony_Danza (user info) at 2004-03-29 05:51:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
GAY
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-03-28 07:32:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
GREAT STUFF
passion pop reference very goood. here's a tip for you: take passion pop to a party as your drink of choice. the girls will fawn on you!
also started to read you subway story. looked fucking fucking good, but am too drunk and stoned to bother with it now
i think, in regards to your question here, that you may have discoutned the effect of the whacko tobacoo.
Submitted by DlESEL (user info) at 2004-03-28 07:30:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by intellismartness (user info) at 2004-03-28 07:19:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DlESEL (user info) at 2004-03-28 06:46:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
and you make posts about loving gay men
http://www.ubersite.com/m/25133
Submitted by DlESEL (user info) at 2004-03-28 06:45:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
you are a loser
Submitted by DlESEL (user info) at 2004-03-28 06:45:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
too much time internet geek
Submitted by DlESEL (user info) at 2004-03-28 06:44:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This is awesome
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2004-02-05 19:32:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/24385
Also, wo whonst du in Australien? I nehme es an, dass du wohnst nicht in Melbounre, leider.
Submitted by BongZilla (user info) at 2004-01-24 17:25:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I usually drink 12-15 beers on a good night of binge drinking.
Submitted by Despiadado (user info) at 2004-01-24 13:24:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Shit you guys know your stuff. I better get out my notepad.
Submitted by Tastycat (user info) at 2004-01-24 13:23:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Yes. You are.
Hell, when I was 15 I could down a 26er of whiskey and not get sick. I say try harder.
As to that comment about 'this coming from a guy who puts vodka in a hangover cure...' - That's what you're supposed to do: the extra alcohol keeps your brain from swelling so much whilst you rehydrate yourself, thereby eliminating most of the headache, and a lot of the other related shittiness.
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2004-01-24 13:15:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i get drunk on 3 beers
i am the epitome of light weight
Submitted by fingerbang (user info) at 2004-01-24 13:05:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
dude, this was seriously the dumbest post ever. I wasted way too much time trying to figure out what the fuck you were talking about. 6 drinks? I had about 30 last night but maybe it helps that i'm not a fucking pussy.
Submitted by Gillespie (user info) at 2004-01-24 12:32:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
6 drinks is by no means impressive, but ranging on my eating habits, I can consume anywhere between 6 beers and the same number of shots, all the way to my most ever, about 25 shots of Jagermeister. It depends on what you've eaten, how hydrated you are, a number of things. Don't sweat it, it's not always cool to be the only sober one in the group.
-J
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2004-01-24 12:23:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
grass then beer, you're in the clear, beer then grass, you're on your ass
Submitted by Despiadado (user info) at 2004-01-24 12:11:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2004-01-24 12:03:23 (#)
Ranking: 0
hahahahhahahahahahahahahahah, your about as bad as my girl
but all that means is you dont drink often enough "
-This is comming from a guy who puts vodka into a hangover cure, so I'll assume that he can fucking drink.
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2004-01-24 12:03:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hahahahhahahahahahahahahahah, your about as bad as my girl
but all that means is you dont drink often enough
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-01-24 12:00:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
indeed. well this had a particular relevance to last night for me so yeah. interesting none the less.
Submitted by Despiadado (user info) at 2004-01-24 11:58:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"It was the most I ever threw up, and it changed my life forever.
-- Homer Simpson
Homer Goes To College "
-I saw the quote down the bottom of the page and thought "strangly apropriate" and yes, when I think things in my head they're spelt wrong.
Hey surge, remember that rocket that you were making to go to the moon (the idea, exact wording, and picture were all stolen from maddox)? I heared that NASA just finished it off and want you to test fly it! I say take the job. At least you'll be doing better than me.
Submitted by The_Original_Mac_Daddy_Surge (user info) at 2004-01-24 11:51:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
oh yeah fuck alcohol and weed, TAKE SOME BEANS MAN, beans beans, not from the bowl the more you eat, the more you roll. TABS: Gay mans best friend since 1991.
Submitted by The_Original_Mac_Daddy_Surge (user info) at 2004-01-24 11:50:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hey you talk too much, i looked at your post and i peed my pants, i was too afraid to read it. dude, i have trouble reading dr. suse, how am i suposed to read your summary of peace and war? my brain melted 6 words into your novel. you had more words than i can count on my fingers and toes, and thats way to many in my book, which is only 2 pages long.
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2004-01-24 11:36:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Beer before liquor, never been sicker...
Alcohol and weed is a bad idea, trust me...
Alcohol affects everyone differently