Chain Link Fence Part 3, Chapter 4 (971 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.5 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by TaK (View user info) at 2004-01-24 18:26:53 EST
**See my reply at bottom for previous chapters if you need them.** ____________________________________________________________________________________________________
Chapter 4:
"Annie On The Rocks"
With one's hands cupped on either side of one's eyes to guard the lamplight from casting a glare across the glass; standing on the dirty sidewalk of an equally dirty little town peering through the double-paned window of the little shit-hole-in-the-wall known as Bee-Gee's, one could perhaps see a number, albeit not a very large number in the least, of interesting persons docked by the bar or encircling small card tables. The majority of these being men in dirty work clothes and soiled cover-alls, cursing and laughing, recently relieved of a full days toil at machines not to be handled under the effects of mind-altering substances, effectively fulfilling their current need to just be rid of the machines and such and get down to the substance. And it's abuse of course.
One could perhaps see the exception to this majority straddling a stool at the very end of the long (and mostly empty) bar, where it meets the wall closest to the bartender's favorite spot. Directly to the right of the cash register. Or left if you're the bartender. Dressed in jeans and a pale yellow t-shirt, her natural blonde hair pulled back in a simple bun, the exception would appear almost drab in the low glow of the bar's overhead lights, her skin a bit too pale green.
Upon entering the bar, the jukebox would fill one's ears with the boom of bass and good old SteppenWolf goddamming the pusher man for his merciless ways. The smell of beer and sweat would be the two most recognizable odors, and the televisions would be silently broadcasting the evening news. If one were to enter and attempt getting on at one of the hands surrounding the tables, this bit would be all one could draw in from the scene about the lone woman at the end of the bar, drab or no.
But let's try being the bartender for a moment.
Ah. From here we can see the woman's face in profile. She is only two feet away to the right, on the other side of the cash register where she can pay and order without having to move or hardly even raise her voice from a hard whisper. With her chin propped up in both palms and her elbows on the bar, she appears bored out of her wits, like a young girl on a never-ending summer afternoon who cannot find a single thing to do or a single friend to do said thing with. A few misbehaving locks of hair have broken from the bun she wears at the back of her head and settled across one eye, and although they seem not to be bothering her, they're agitating the hell out of us. Those blue-gray orbs aren't the type that deserve hiding. That goes double for the rest of her. A real looker, we would say, if not for the sagging bags of blue going purple under her eyes and smears of eyeliner or mascara or both leaving trails down her cheeks.
Of course, having been here for two hours, she has already "Tied One On" as they say, and has proceeded to try and move on to what they sometimes refer to as "Shitty". We believe she arrived with the intention of meeting someone here, for she has asked once about a man in expensive clothing (and very expensive shoes) who might have been looking for a lady like her a little earlier on, but we cannot not oblige in that department because no one of the sort has been in or out of the front door since we opened. Since we opened last NEW YEARS as a matter of fact, fancy-pants types don't hang in old Bee-Gee's, no sir, most of the boys come here are them that work up at the dump or from Soppe, a big parts manufacturer right outside of town. Briefcases are not a norm inside these four walls, believe it. So the woman has only remained and disposed of a number of Crowns poured over a number of Rocks (this number being maybe twice the relatively small number of patrons present at Bee-Gee's this evening) while awaiting her party with dwindling patience. And dwindling sobriety.
Noticing that the lonely lady now holds a glass containing more rocks than drink, we move to her section of the counter and prop our chin in our palms with our elbows on the bar nearly touching hers.
"Are we rounding the final turn sweetheart?"
She looks up, but there's nothing really there in her eyes, like we've roused her from a deep sleep. Perhaps it's cut-off time.
"Wuzzat?" she asks, her breath puffing the lock of hair from her eye for a moment, only for it to settle back as it was, this time gluing itself to her bottom lip.
"Maybe it's time to call it a night, eh?" we ask, with all the good humor we can summon.
She seems to take a moment to think about our question, and then seems to come up with an answer. This time when she looks at us there is more than just something in her eyes, but we've dealt with indignant drunks before, and register it only on a level along with the weather, or a bill that can wait for awhile to be paid.
"Whaddreyou implyin'?" she asks, the rogue hair dancing in front of her lips.
We try to reply.
"Well, not trying to imply a thing ma'am, only that I've watched you murder eight of these," we point to the pretty lady's half-empty glass, "and the gentleman you've been so patiently awaiting doesn't seem as if he-"
But this is as far as we get, for the pretty lady has apparently decided to up end what was left of her Crown and melting ice in our face, causing us to yelp, splashing the front of our white shirt and replacing our aftershave with liquor de toilette. Alcohol runs down our neck to try and dry and burns tears in a rush from our eyes.
Time to try being someone other than the bartender.
********
Ceyanne should have known better. She should have known that even with his flashy shoes and his flashing twenty dollar bills, Daniel Leets was no knight in shining armor. Hell, she had known better. Why else had she tried so hard on the phone to sound ambiguous about why she wanted to meet him, why it was so important? That arrogant, facade-wearing prick. Knew he wouldn't show. Knew it.
But that's not why she was so angry, was it? That wasn't the source of her discontent.
That's not the precise and total reason she had filled that cute bartender's face with the remainder of her drink, now was it ladies and gentlemen? No, no, and no.
Out here beneath the open sky, struggling her way drunk down a dirty littered sidewalk, Ceyanne felt she could at last admit to herself what was really eating at her. The weight of it being lifted from her felt wonderful, although it did hardly a thing to change her overall climate. Angry as she was, it was clear through the anger who was responsible for her position, the very one to blame.
Ceyanne was angry with Ceyanne.
She had landed herself in a real pisser this time, and come to think of it the weight of her situation far out cried the relief of being able to accept her mistakes. Daniel was the type to run with his tail between his legs at the very mention of marriage or house life. So was she for that much. Not to mention a baby on the way. Why had she ever bothered to call him? And beyond that, what had she expected? They both had understood (without ever mentioning aloud) that their relationship was no more than what they made between the sheets after he waltzed her out on the town and threw a good deal of money in her general direction. And she had never insisted that they use protection, any more than he. So who did it really boil down to? Who had made the mess?
So he hadn't shown. Probably stuffed his bags and hopped on the first flight to China. Or Albuquerque. Or Planet X. Wherever his plane was to land, hers would never take off. She was here. Might as well go on and sweep Daniel Leets and his flashing twenties under her mental space-rug. The question of the day, audience, was what to do next? Who to go to?
Who to go to. What a joke. Both parents resting with the worms and soil minerals, closest of kin on the other side of the country, one and only chance at real love thrown low from a high place to splat on the proverbial sidewalk like so many bug guts across the windshield. Single mother on the run. Who to go to. Hmph.
Better to take a short fall from a tall place herself.
Anne raised her bleary eyes skyward and stared down the heavens. The half-moon fell behind a cloud, and in the moment of shade following, she appeared a ghastly, hideous specter with her long eyes and drawn lips. A light drizzle began to fall, coating her cheeks and stinging her eyes.
"If I could see you I'd spit on you," she croaked, hoping He was looking down from up there, hoping He was listening. Hoping He was watching.
At that moment, (nearly a week before Botch would be introduced to his new shiny bracelets) she wouldn't have believed if she were told, even if she were shown, how expertly her hopes were being fulfilled.
User Reviews
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-01-27 11:45:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Any fucktard can ruin a rating, that's why no one cares. Please return to beating off in your mom's basement if this is all you are contributing to the conversation.
Submitted by esso_merda (user info) at 2004-01-27 01:33:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Going to Chapter 5...
Submitted by TaK (user info) at 2004-01-26 21:54:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What is in a rating?
Submitted by Miggetymizac (user info) at 2004-01-26 19:49:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
awww poor baby lost your perfect rating
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2004-01-25 22:25:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What more can I say?
Squattail, fuck off.
SpikeGoddess
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-01-25 11:54:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am an extremely well read person and I find this story to be very well written. It has its flaws, of course, but there is not a work of fiction that has been written without flaws. That's why there are rough drafts and editors. But anyway, good post, good story.
Squattail, what do you consider well-read? What kind of books do you read? I'm just curious where you get your basis for comparison.
Submitted by TaK (user info) at 2004-01-24 22:33:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok, fuck you Squattail.
Your trying your hardest to make me angry and it's not going to work. This post is only one chapter of the story. And that is what it is - a goddamn story.
I've read plenty.
I don't give a goddamn about heat. I've written everything I have because I wanted intelligent people to read it and enjoy it. I'm not responding to anything else you have to say because you are quite obviously trying your best to make me keep doing so, in order to draw me down to your level.
I don't think my story is fantastic, but I do think it is worth a read. If you disagree, then fine. That's fine. Let's leave it at that. You and Koolmang can go suck each others dicks while looking over your "very humorous and well drawn" MS paint drawings.
I for one am done. Opinions are one thing. Trying too hard is another.
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 22:15:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Koolmang is the closest thing to a funny poster on this site. I am the highest quality poster on this site, my flash drawings are very humorous and well drawn.
2nd of all, I actually read this post. I read it at the start, and it is so goddamn boring. Now I understand you keep responding because you want heat on this post, but really, you don't actually think this is so fantastic do you? It isn't even a fucking story, it is just one big hunk of description. You could have written the whole thing in 250 words - or less, had you cut out all the bullshit. That is one of the first mistakes try-hard writers (i.e.: you) make, thinking that because they add creative descriptions to bland settings and a boring plot the story will seem well written.
When describing something of substance, the story will come out interesting and enjoyable to read. This is just a strain. And don't take that as your cue to respond questioning attention span. I don't have ADHD, and I can sit for hours reading a good story without even noticing the time. I don't want to turn this into an argument about why published authors are better than you and who they are, because they are better than you and there are many of them, but maybe if you read more yourself you would see why a well-read person might see this as shit. I mean super.
3rd of all, you live in Fattyville, that must very amusing to tell people.
4th of all, SUPER POST !!!! +2
Submitted by TaK (user info) at 2004-01-24 21:59:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok first off Squatfuck:
"I signed up way before you tak"
What the goddamnhell difference does that make in quality of posts?
2. "Then Bart set up that shitty verify thing and all the good posters have disappeared"
By which you mean who? You? And Koolmang? or Christpunch? Or all the assholes posting nothing but Nazi shit over and over on the front page?? Who the fuck are talking about?
3. "You submit this story to any publisher (NOT one who charges you for each book in print), and just see what they say, I know this story would get axed a hundred times around the publisher's office before being thrown in the trash, mainly because I have never read an actual story in book-form that is this uninteresting and dry."
Ok you fucking bastard son of a crab infested 7 street whore. What the hell do you know about published works and internet standards? And furthermore, I know goddamn well that you haven't read this story. You haven't even read three lines of it. How can you sit there in your soiled undies and declare my story "uninteresting and dry" when you haven't even read it?
From what I know of you through posting Squatnuts, you don't know the first fucking thing about good writing, be it fiction or non. All your trying to do is rile me up the way you have tried your best to rile this entire site up, by finding the few things we consider sacred, the few things we find important, and ripping them to shreds with your incessant incongruous rantings. You make no sense. You make no good points. You are as sad as the people you wish to insult. You're insulting yourself by spending so much time trying to put me down. I promise you SpermSplat, when this shit gets published, I will have one page dedicated to you and your extended anus worship.
On a more positive note, yes loki, we are not far apart. Fayetteville is maybe 2 to 3 hours from Charlotte. WOO HOO go Panthers!!
I'm reading all your stuff tonight.....all 350 some posts. HA! Maybe not all tonight, thats a lot to read, but I'll get around to it!
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 21:57:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, Loki:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/23264
Down the bottom of the image, that is what you just did.
(super post BTW)
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-01-24 21:45:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is my attempt at fiction.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/18045
It was around the time I wrote this that I decided that I was reading way too much Hunter S. Thompson and took a break from gonzo journalism.
I like the detail in your writing. It paints a very specific picture.
I'm in Charlotte - hence all the woo hoo go panthers stuff. I'm not sure how far it is from Fayetteville, a couple of hours maybe. I noticed that you mentioned Greensboro and Raleigh so I wondered if you were from somewhere round these parts.
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 21:43:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I signed up way before you tak, but the truth is that is has always been full of posts like this. It was actually just starting to get good. Then Bart set up that shitty verify thing and all the good posters have disappeared. The internet is for things that aren't worth publishing in print, things that would never be allowed to be published in print. Not things that follow the same rules as published stories and journals and just wouldn't cut it because of lack of talent. You submit this story to any publisher (NOT one who charges you for each book in print), and just see what they say, I know this story would get axed a hundred times around the publisher's office before being thrown in the trash, mainly because I have never read an actual story in book-form that is this uninteresting and dry.
SUPER!!! +2
Submitted by TaK (user info) at 2004-01-24 21:35:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"and I will be sooo pissed OFF if you get hit by a bus before you finish this"
Wow, that has to be the most endearing thing anyone has ever said to me loki. :)
Why do you find me reading your posts intimidating? I've read many of yours (though I haven't yet finished the loki library) and I believe that I could never write like you. I tend towards fiction and humorous short stories, you've got the whole political thing which is WAY over my head, plus your so opinionated (sp?). I've held very few strict opinions in my life. You are very articulate when it comes to proving your point. I do that through lying (fiction).
Either way, I'm proud to know you've read my stuff. Hell, I'm proud to know that ANYONE has read my stuff!
PS: Hey loki, how bout passing that shit over here? It's pretty damn dry here in Fayetteville.
PPS: Your a North Carolinian right? How close are you to Fayetteville?
Submitted by TaK (user info) at 2004-01-24 21:28:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well squattail, I'll tell ya man, I can't feel sorry for you.
As far as I know, this site isn't dedicated to the type of humor you find impressive. I hate that it had to come to this and that you had to be "banned" or whatnot, but I am not sorry.
I enjoy my posts true, and I'm sure you enjoy yours. But majority rules my slow friend, and if what you post and what you reply goes against the mass then so solly Cholly, that's the news!
Find a site that will appreciate your "humor". Or, if the 3 posts I've found from you to be funny are the potential of your posting skills, then keep it up. Otherwise, banned you are and banned you will be. I can't feel the least bit of sympathy for you because I don't use this site to harrass or infuriate others. I use it to broadcast my creative writings. I don't come on here and berate people for their writings (when they are serious) and I don't use this site to raise the hair on the back of anyones neck.
People like you I believe are the downfall of this site, and bitch all you want, spam all you want, I also believe this site is above immatures like you.
And that, my furry little buddy, is SUPER.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-01-24 21:21:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
squattail - It looks like your ranks are counting to me <shrug>
Anyway, I'm all caught up now and ready for the quiz. I don't think I reviewed all of them because I printed them out to read. I love the fact that they are keeping me guessing. I tend to lose interest if I can see what's coming. That's why I can't watch sitcoms. I just can't put myself through the inevitably predictable quagmire of shit framed by cheap and obvious foreshadowing.
cheap and obvious foreshadowing make the baby jesus cry and mean that the terrorists have won
I also don't like to read something that I think I could have written.
or something that turns into an endurance test of will - like King Rat, I just wanted that book to be over but not Shogun or Tai-pan.
I don't know why.
yes yes quite stoned at the moment why do you ask
By the way, I don't want you reading any more of my posts. I find the thought of you do so intimidating.
and I will be sooo pissed OFF if you get hit by a bus before you finish this
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 21:10:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
[Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-01-24 04:19:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't think squattail will be joining us anymore, folks.]
By that I mean banning. I use a masked server to use the internet so that my IP isn't being broadcast all over the net. So he banned that server's IPs. But switching proxy servers is pretty fast. He banned me because I said I was going to signup again and use it to review since he blocked my voting power on this account. The truth is I don't care what my ranking power contributes to since I don't even care about my own ranks much less other's, so even though I could sign up again and start spamming I probably won't.
Also, I only post things that I know I would enjoy reading if I were a third party. I like my own posts, just like you like your own, and that is super.
Submitted by TaK (user info) at 2004-01-24 20:54:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok, first of all, what do you mean by banned? You can't post anymore is that what you mean? Because you're obviously still able to review.
Second, what did you say you were going to do? Maybe what you said you were going to do deserved a banning.
Finally, I've read every one of Barts posts, and while some of them were not what you may call exceptional, I still think he is a very talented writer with his own means of expressing himself. Just because he is the founder of Ubersite shouldn't restrict him from ratings. Actually, being the founder he should be able to post whatever he likes and be reviewed accordingly. But I agree that some people kiss his ass too much. That's their perogative. I personally rate on what is good and what isn't.
You, on the other hand, post things just to get a rise out of people, aside from a few times where I honestly believe you were trying to be funny. Or maybe I'm wrong and you were trying to be funny every time and it just wasn't.
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 20:14:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bart banned me from this site. Just like he banned DDT. He banned me for something I said I was going to do. But then again it is his site, so what they hell. I don't think it is very objective for Bart himself to post though. His own posts should be exempt from review ranks, should only be able to recieve comments. I mean, Bart isn't anything special, he doesn't post anything that is great or original. Yet of course users are going to feel obliged to rank him scores better than what they believe he actually deserves. But that is just my opinion.
(super post!)
Submitted by TaK (user info) at 2004-01-24 20:02:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Banned? What the hell are you talking about? And spam, I'm not asking for, in fact, I was just being funny by offering those "super" posts you mongoloid. I didn't really want to see you write using those titles, in fact I'd prefer if you never wrote again. You have posted a total of three posts I found mildy amusing. The rest, I'm sorry, were SuperShit.
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 19:54:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am not just going to spam with posts. After all I am banned. But those are some super suggestions! Super! +2
Submitted by TaK (user info) at 2004-01-24 19:45:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes Squattail, I get it. Super. Hey, I've got an idea for a post for you. Try this title out.
"Why I Love The Superness Of SuperUber"
or
"Why Sticking My Nose In Goatses Extended Asshole Would Be Beyond Super"
or
"SuperDooper, The Tale Of A Tail Turned Squat"
I'd love to see these posts you jackass.
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 19:16:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fiction? More like, super fiction! You get it??! Super!
Submitted by TaK (user info) at 2004-01-24 19:13:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yea, I was afraid of that Phinch. I think maybe it will be reworded when I get around to it. I want to keep the same style- looking through the bartenders eyes and all -but I think some revision is definitely called for.
Squattail, did you just +2 a post of mine? Holy shit.
Oh yea, I forgot your ratings don't count. HA! This must be the reasoning behind your newfound love of fiction.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-01-24 18:44:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i had a hard time getting through the first part. it was kinda confusing. it picked up when i got used to the style of the writting however.
all these serials to keep track of in my head.....
i was able to understand the second half much more clearly.
Submitted by TaK (user info) at 2004-01-24 18:29:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh shit! And loki too!
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-01-24 18:29:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am at a loss for words. S. Sss. Super! +2
Submitted by TaK (user info) at 2004-01-24 18:28:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Previous chapters:
Part 1:
Chapter 1: http://www.ubersite.com/m/22616
Chapter 2: http://www.ubersite.com/m/22679
Chapter 3: http://www.ubersite.com/m/22737
Chapter 4: http://www.ubersite.com/m/22838
Interruption #1: http://www.ubersite.com/m/22949
Part 2:
Chapter 1: http://www.ubersite.com/m/23037
Chapter 2: http://www.ubersite.com/m/23164
Chapter 3: http://www.ubersite.com/m/23234
Chapter 4: http://www.ubersite.com/m/23349
Interruption #2: http://www.ubersite.com/m/23654
Part 3:
Chapters 1&2: http://www.ubersite.com/m/23760v
Chapter 3: http://www.ubersite.com/m/23847
Love you guys for reading all of this. If it ever gets published, I swear the dedication will include Phinch, SpikeGoddess, esso_merda, and BRICKHOUSE...and Bart Cilfone of course for making it all possible. HA! I'm dreaming, but you never know...