The king (530 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.83 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Al <revenge_of_the_killer_dustbin.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-01-25 12:29:12 EST
It was cold, but he didn't dare to shiver in the king's monsterous prescence. Even fear was a crime if you served the lord, and everyone served the lord. As he crept towards his highness, he had to repress all emotion. If there was but a glint in his eye suggesting dissent, then the mighty katana of the master would be upon him, like a hawk diving down, delivering death in an instant. His eyes were firmly planted on the ground, as he also knew that to gaze on the incredible phallus of the master would result in a slow, agonizing death, impaled on an electric guitar.
From a muffled snoring noise creeping from inside the mass of manly hair, he could tell that the king was asleep. He let out a breath of relief, but a quiet one. Sleep was just a small impediment to his powers. He carefully placed the porno cake in the royal trough, and retreated to his chamber, but evidently he wasn't fast enough.
'You! Slave #50000! Fetch me my guitar'
His voice was cold and detached, but also regal and ethereal, filling the whole room. It was enough to send shivers down Slave's spine. Which guitar? He thought to himself. How could he know? The last slave to choose a guitar chose the wrong one, and his skull replaced the pint glass that night. Of course, deep in every slave's memory is the story of the one who chose the acoustic. Poor fool. But Slave was not a fool. He would choose right. He had children to look after. He had to. He picked up the flying V, prayed silently to whatever his creator was, and entered his master's chambers. Still, he sighed to himself, it could be worse.
Slave's brother was Grunt #2500. Grunt was a soldier in the grand army of the master. Despite the fact that he was an elite soldier, with a number under 5000, he still lived in eternal misery. Conquering the Mormons was simple, and executing the world leaders was easy, but then it got dangerous. The jehova's witnesses had an incredible hidden army. The baby-eating christ lovers had been planning an invasion of earth for some time, and the master had barely got there before them. With the help of the master's powers, they had beaten them back to Jerusalem, where the remnants of fanatic muslim and palestinian groups scavenged for food like rats. But now the master busied himself with guitars, food and concubines. They were left to fend for themselves, on meagre rations, with 21st century equipment. Every day brought fresh pain.
Slave was smacked back to reality by a particularly noxious fart from the master. He had brought the right kind of guitar apparently, as demonstrated by the fact that his head was still attached to his neck.
'Slave, prepare the hall of 1000 whores. I will need excercise after my guitar'
'Yes, master'
So he turned on Parisienne Walkways, lit some candles, and generally worked his arse off until finally he could return to his duties, and cursing whatever god allowed Falconer to become omnipotent.
User Reviews
Submitted by KoolWang (user info) at 2004-05-29 07:25:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Wanga-langa-ding-dong
Submitted by BalloonKnot (user info) at 2004-05-10 15:54:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Solid -2 post if I ever saw one
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-01-27 03:36:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Didn't do it for me!
Submitted by Falconer (user info) at 2004-01-25 16:07:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You know, i'm not sure what it's symbolizing either.
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2004-01-25 14:43:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
this story is obviously symbolizing something. For what, i do not know.
Good writing though
Submitted by amusediniraq (user info) at 2004-01-25 14:34:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The jehova's witnesses had an incredible hidden army.
prepare the hall of 1000 whores.
Intersting lines. Pulled it up to +0
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2004-01-25 13:40:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I was disappointed, I was hoping this would be a tribute to Ash
Submitted by Falconer (user info) at 2004-01-25 12:30:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Chinaaaaaatooooooown, it's a different scene......
There are people there....they are sooooo obscene......