“When In Doubt, Shroud Your Spout” (830 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: -0.4 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by cnympho247 (View user info) at 2004-01-25 16:33:16 EST
"When In Doubt, Shroud Your Spout" once said by Sue Johansen from the Sunday Night Sex Show on Oxygen. Being my roommate and I are college students at a strict school; this is the only sexual entertainment possible to watch on television. Our cable doesn't include HBO, Starz, or any of those quality movie entertainment stations that love to display other sex shows late at night. This woman has no fear. She tells what she knows as the truth. She's an accomplished doctor who has her own talk show for bored or curious guys and gals. This Canadian based curiosity has men and women boggling their minds for information such as sex tips and "safe ways" of spicing up your sex life.
Every Sunday me and my roommate watch this show and laugh our asses off. Every time this woman takes out her pleasure chest, all you hear is my roomy and me waiting to see the new wonder of toys. There were at least two toys that made us crack up. When we watch this show, we are on the proverbial 'crack' every night from the stress of college work and lack of sleep. The first toy was this vibrating car that a girl could use the 'headlights' to pleasure herself. The 'headlights' had a vibrating mechanism, and the two front wheels were the operating switches. The second pleasurable, sex toy was a silver huge (in length) vibrating dildo. When she placed this on the table, it started to spin itself into numerous circles.
Sometimes when a guy or gal calls in with a question about a sex position, Sue pulls out red and blue dolls, or what I like to call them 'the little people'. Now these names just burst out when you're hyper as heck managing to stay awake doing work and hearing this stuff in the background. I remember looking up at the television on a Sunday night and said "Oh, No! She pulled out 'the little people' again". For instance, a person asked her what exactly spooning is because her lover wanted her to try it and she was clueless in this area. Sue, the doctor, pulled out her little dolls and told the world this is the correct way to spoon. I know by me saying 'the little people' makes them sound like midgets. But being it's either 11 or 12 at night, my lovely mind comes up with these interesting yet taken out of context words.
For most of you who already read a CNN article that swallowing fellatio can reduce breast cancer. This doctor shot it down and said it is just a myth brought on by the public.
But the topic this doctor mostly hits is the controversy about anal sex. Now, I have to admit I would never let a guy 'pop it in the pooper'. It's unappealing to me and turns me off. Though it turns me off I still an interested in hearing what she has to say about. Now we all know that the guy should wear a condom during anal, otherwise, he will have feces on his penis. Believe me; I don't think you want that. Anyways, we also know that the girl's butt-hole should be lubricated in some way so it opens it up more just as if you were going to have regular intercourse. This topic is thoroughly brought up, but she has started to run out of answers so lately I turn that part off on the show. A couple of days ago, I was telling a friend from home about this topic. She asked me "What did you learn from it?" And my response was well first you need to wear a condom to impede the feces. We were on our cell phones. Usually it's hard to hear certain things on a cell phone depending where you are at. But my friend thought I said condiments instead of condoms. So she goes "Huh? You use condiments." Here's me with no not condiments, condoms. My roommate was cracking up at the time at the horrific statements on the phone. So then my friend proceeded to say wow I thought you said condiments and I was thinking "Okay, so you put ketchup, mustard, and pickles in there first". Now this is still realizing we are always on a natural crack high. After this, we changed the subject because we did not want another confusing yet embarrassing situation.
I would advise watching THE SUNDAY NIGHT SEX SHOW on Oxygen because if you are in the state of mind my roomy and I are in, then, you will have a blast watching it. This program is also informative if you have any intriguing questions about sex or just interested in it for the enjoyment.
I leave you with this picture.
User Reviews
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-01-29 16:38:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
hard as heck?
Strict schools produce unfunny people.
This post was on such a good roll, too! I suggest that next time, you let your hair down just a little. Oh yeah, and get a rim job as well. You'll see that anal can be good.
Damn good.
Submitted by Blitzen (user info) at 2004-01-26 13:12:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
more effort needed
make story flow a little more
interesting topic
-1
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2004-01-26 12:51:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I know "Yes" is gonna show up any time now.. I'm waiting for the usual "in the pooper".
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-01-25 19:09:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I fell asleep...
Submitted by LacyFace16 (user info) at 2004-01-25 18:33:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i was gonna give you a -2 but that picture is fucking funny.
Submitted by Ashley at 2004-01-25 17:01:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love that show too! She speaks so candidly about things you would have problems asking your own doctor - I love it! Go Dr. Sue!