A handfull of it (766 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.77 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Francois (View user info) at 2004-01-26 13:48:32 EST
Nobody likes to get out of bed in the morning, especially when it's minus 3000 outside. I was sleepy when I hoped in the bus. Since I live near the first bus stop to the metro, I always have plenty of room to sit down. Went in the back of the bus, grabbed my book and started to read. 15 minutes and 100 persons later, a pregnant lady gets in the bus. It always made me smile the way people bow their head when a pregnant woman gets in the bus. She walked the whole length of the bus and nobody even looked at her.
Before I go any further, here are tricks on how to ignore a pregnant woman in the bus;
Trick 1 - Feign sleep, only the strong willed will disturb your sleep to usurp you from your seat. To repulse the strong willed, wear a walkman.
Trick 2 - Look in another direction. Bowing the head can work but I suggest you look at something that can keep your attention for more then a second. Gum on your shoes is good since you can feign removing it for a long time. You can even fight with the sticky gum in your fingers as a backup plan. If she stays in front of you for too long, just stick it on the seat, look lost and say: "Woops".
Trick 3 - Feign blindness. An experienced bastard always has his white cane with him in case of emergencies.
Trick 4 - Hit the person next to you in the face. The nose bleed will make him stand up, hence, freeing a space for the pregnant woman to sit. This trick will also make you look helpful.
Trick 5 - Don't shower for 2 weeks. You get the drift ...
Trick 6 - If all of the above doesn't work and she comes straight at you, look her in the eyes and say a random statement: "I wear cotton underwear" and laugh uncontrollably. This will scare lots of them.
Back to my story,
As always, being the well brought up person I am, I stand up and smile to the lady so she can come sit down at my place. She smiles back and heads towards me. At the same time, that guy threads behind me and sits down. The woman looks at me and says: "Don't worry about it, it was nice of you". I know she's okay with it and she probably saw this a thousand times, but this guy had cheated me of my good deed.
Me: "That seat wasn't for you, I was standing up for the lady here".
Guy: "Boo-fucking-hou, find another seat"
Me: "Hey be nice to the lady, she's pregnant"
Guy: "Ask me if I care, I'm staying here"
I didn't mention it earlier but, there are also tricks to remove a bastard from a bus seat. I dropped my bag on his feet, bent over, grabbed his nuts and squeezed. "Could you please stand up and let this lady sit down, it would be really nice of you". He started yelling like a bitch and stood up. "Care to sit down?" Confused, she looked at my hand and sat down, "Thanks".
I bet this guy never did this again. He might never be able to sit down ever again.
User Reviews
Submitted by DaJerk (user info) at 2004-10-11 19:22:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you get kicker of all ass for the article , you also probably get people on your bus that give you a weird look i'm sure .
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-01-27 03:25:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I Like the story and give you credit for that....however I suspect shenanigans as well.
Submitted by Azriel (user info) at 2004-01-26 18:12:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i didn't use the punch in the face 'cause it's messy. Didn't want to get sued for soiling the women on his left's white dress in blood. Nuts grabbing was safest.
Submitted by crackergirl (user info) at 2004-01-26 16:03:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was sweet.
Submitted by Falconer (user info) at 2004-01-26 15:48:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Grabbing a guy's nuts is a hilarious, but girly way to fight. Why didn't you use the punch in the face method? WHY!?
Submitted by Cassiopeia (user info) at 2004-01-26 15:39:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i call SCHENANIGANS!
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-01-26 15:07:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You may have had to endure a handfull of sweaty man-sac but at least you can comfort yourself in the knowledge that you did a good deed.
Submitted by Blitzen (user info) at 2004-01-26 15:02:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that's sweet of you
awwww
Submitted by Azriel (user info) at 2004-01-26 15:01:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OKay okay, i had NO FUN doing this!!! Two words for you, hot and moist! if only i had known.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-01-26 14:58:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You brabbed a dudes nuts on a crowded bus...they have places for people like you, and it ain't a busstop.
Funny.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-01-26 14:45:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
man pouch.
hee hee.
Submitted by Suzza (user info) at 2004-01-26 14:34:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Deisangua (user info) at 2004-01-26 14:20:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Chivalry is not dead, I suppose.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-01-26 14:17:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ball toucher.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-01-26 14:09:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Whatever..I know you really set the whole thing up in hopes of grabbing some man pouch.
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!
Submitted by Azriel (user info) at 2004-01-26 14:03:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It is true. Happened last year.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-01-26 14:01:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like this. I hope it is true. If it is, you rock.