Disneyland For Bridezilla- Creative People, Please Help! (908 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.72 on 35 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Natalie <nataliefortin.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-01-27 13:20:41 EST
Thank you, Quartermain, for reminding me of the term 'Bridezilla'. So appropriate for some of the things I've seen lately.
As I've annoyingly alluded to several times in replies, I'm getting married in May. I have a problem. Contrary to what my pretend air headedness and true goofiness may lead some to believe, I HATE FLUFFY! All the magazines discuss floral decorations and whatnot as if a marriage is doomed without them. As if the possibility of not having them does not exist. "You MUST have this item. It MUST be PERFECT. THE WHOLE DAY MUST BE PERFECT. Assimilate! Assimilate!" The pages must have some kind of imbedded image that hypnotizes goofy giddy brides into spending small fortunes on things that will die or be thrown in the garbage.
I've never dreamed of my wedding day. Anything that can be cut, I'm cutting. I'm having lots of food, an open bar, a DJ, a bellydancer, and a kick ass dress that can later be dyed and worn again rather than rotting in storage. Those are THE most important things, along with the entertainment. I'm doing my own hair, make-up, nails, decorations, and cakes. Flowers will be at an absolute minimum. The venue is a museum for fucksake! If you can't find something to look at and need flowers to keep your brain occupied, you're a dolt. Put my food down, give me back my $50 a head, and get out!
Right, so why am I telling you this? I'm probably stressing out and don't know it, and somehow this is helping me vent. In that case, thanks for reading. Whine and gimme my -2. It's also an extremely long-winded intro to the story of the scariest place I've ever been in my life: David's Bridal. While looking for a place to buy a sculpture to use as a centerpiece instead of flowers, I passed this evil place and went in on a whim.
My god.
It was Disneyland for brides, but a spookey Disneyland. Imagine bloody fangs on the robots of the Small World Ride. The Tikki Room birds sneaking "We will GET you. We will KILL you." in between the usual lyrics and shitting acid on your head.
It was Stephen King's Needful Things come to life.
There was a table at the front door crowded with women waiting to sign up. For what? Nothing. "They" want to know how to GET you if they want to. "Did you register?" the first sales devil asked. I vow to keep my eye on that one. "Just point me towards the shoes please."
On the way to the back, I passed tables displaying samples of photographers' work. Looking at the photos and facial expressions, I was reminded of the Superman movie in which the baddies are put in that 2D thingy (I was little when I saw it. Sue me.)and sent to outer space. I back away slowly before I'm sucked in.
Did I mention there was extremely loud Justin Timberlake music playing?
The Ringmaster of all this was a huge, I mean HUGE, man in a tux with a camera hanging around his neck and a hands free microphone on his head. You won't catch me in your evil magic camera, Beelzebub! Every time one of the girls in the carnival going on behind him (Something Wicked This Way Comes?) found the PERFECT dress, he'd announce, "[Insert Name] has found the PERFECT dress! Let's give her a hand!" Am I crazy, or was there something sinister in that?
Oh, and the poor poor men. For the most part a bride doesn't take the groom with her to find the dress, as she wants to keep it a surprise. Therefore, I can only assume that these poor suckers were there with bride's maids. Why would a bride's maid need a man there? What could POSSIBLY be in that store for him? There were two dummies (torso only) in the front wearing tuxes and hidden behind a sign. That was all. And I suspect those were ACTUAL torsos of men who wised up and tried to escape. I wonder if the assimilated girls bring the men to be sacrificed to the big hungry ringmaster with the magic camera?
There is no great ending to this. I finally made it to the very back of the store- no, warehouse-through all the tulle, lace, and giggling zombies and found the PERFECT shoes. They didn't have my size. Shit. The woman who came to help me is the one who tried to trick me into 'registering'. I made the mistake of telling her that all the fluff was freaking me out. I'm now afraid I will wake up with my mouth and lungs stuffed with veils and tiaras. Yeah yeah, technically I wouldn't wake up, but don't forget we're dealing with DEMONS. I ordered those shoes and paid extra to have them sent to my house so I would never, never have to go back there again.
I'm doing the rest of my shopping online.
Here is a picture of my dress (kind of for Loren? You asked me to post it once.) with my face badly merged into it. If anyone can think of anything interesting to use instead of flowers, let me know! Maybe hand blown glass flowers? Something that can be kept or used. And I fucking hate veils and tiaras. I'm sure the guys don't give a shit, so girls if you know of anything better, do tell. There are some creative non-fluffy people around here. Flaming bags of poo are not appropriate.
User Reviews
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2004-01-29 16:59:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thank you and 'hell yeah'! Party time!
Submitted by amusediniraq (user info) at 2004-01-28 16:03:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting perspective,
It appears you have all the advice could ever want, so I'll just say congratulations and for what its worth you'll remember the day the rest of your life no matter how big or small the wedding is- so haveing fun should be the primary focus. Its your wedding not anyone elses. +2 for the Museum
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2004-01-28 11:04:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ainkara- I am definitely putting disposable cameras on the tables!
SHOOOOOOOT Ian! It's not too late. The wedding isn't until May, and I haven't got a clue what to do with my hair! My usual style is whatever gets it out of my face. I like what's in this picture, but I don't know how to do it. I'm not paying someone ELSE to do it, either. I don't get it. Are you or are you not gay?? I'll ask the dress if she'll have you. I go play with her tomorrow.
Submitted by Ian at 2004-01-28 10:57:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Because I am retarded...
P.p.p.s I have style (and ego)
P.p.p.p.s I didn't read the date ... so enjoy the honeymoon and don't get 2 pregnant! I heard it hurts :S
Submitted by Ian <Batteries_ _not_ _included@hot> at 2004-01-28 10:53:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Can I marry your dress?
P.s. I'm a guy and I definately understand your hate 4 fluff. I'd love 2 say "I'm gay though, so if this wasn't 2 late can I give you style tips? But, thankfully, most of us who aren't now millionaire tv celebrities or small minded peons know that those gay men who have style only have because they care. There are just as many gay men who don't have style and there is a hell of alot bigger ratio of str8 women who don't have style 2 gay men who don't have style! *emo venting rant*
P.p.s How was the honeymoon?
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2004-01-28 10:43:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That dress is absolutely beautiful....
What about the disposable camera idea? Has anyone said that yet?
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2004-01-28 10:29:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks jgirly :) I don't *think* I'm stressing all that bad! This experience at David's Bridal has been the craziest so far. All the most important stuff (venue, dress, officiant, invitations, most decorations) was taken care of just two weeks after we set a date and it was incredibly easy. I hadn't had to deal with any crazy bride-types until the Scary Store. Oof..rude awakening!
So that's when those damned calla lilies were in season! Can you mix roses and calla lilies? Bah...it's my freakin' party, and I will if I want!
I'm doing the glass bowls/floating candles (outside on the terrace only. No candles allowed inside.), too, but I also got these 15 inch tall margharita, martini, and brandy glasses. Set those on round mirrors, throw in colored stones, scatter white and red (FAKE) rose petals around it. Tada!. The restaurant area is already decorated except for the sculpture on the food table, but for the area where the DJ and dancing will be I got big red and clear martini glasses and cracked-glass wine glasses. Toss in more colored stones, scatter the petals, pop in some clear rock candy swizzle sticks, and we have edible decorations! At the end of the evening, you tell people 'take this shit home with you as a party favor' and you don't have to clean it up!
I gotta hear more horror stories.
Submitted by jgirly (user info) at 2004-01-27 17:32:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I know what you are going through...I just got married in September. Don't let yourself get stressed out. It isn't worth it!
I didn't want to spend tons of money on flowers either. For centerpieces I bought the glass bowls that hold floating candles at WalMart (another evil place). Then I bought some floating candles and had my florist order blooming roses in different colors to go in the bowls. Then we sprinkled orange (yes orange) petals over the tables. Petals are cheap and look good spread over everything.
Another idea is to use things other than flower in your arrangements. We had chili peppers in our arrangements and also berries.
Also another suggestion...Calla Lilies are in season in may. They are beautiful but they are not fluffy. A boquet of Callas would look great with your dress. They also come in lots of different colors and sizes.
Hope this helps!!!
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2004-01-27 16:55:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hooooooweeeeee! I think everyone should be nekkid except me! THAT is entertainment!
LGF- They are gorgeous, but I want something lasting. Ice melts, flowers die...
Submitted by ugaly (user info) at 2004-01-27 16:32:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2004-01-27 13:51:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
You could make a bouquet of sex toys.
===============================================
Spike you crack me up.
I like the teddy bear idea
Submitted by Lost_Gator_Fan (user info) at 2004-01-27 16:22:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You might be able to fit a guillotine as the centerpiece in case your man changes his mind. That he could kill himself before you kill him.
Just kidding...
Have you looked at ice sculptures? Very elegant, albeit a bit pricey.
LGF
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-01-27 16:03:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's supposed to read 'SHOULD have a nudist wedding' damnit.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-01-27 16:02:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nat- Thanks for the invitation, but I'm scared of going to Tennessee. I'd get lost and then I'd hear that banjo music....
You shouldn't have a nudist wedding, that way no-one will even notice if you have flowers or not.
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2004-01-27 15:57:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks Chicken :)
Oh my fuggin gawd, loki! That is...wow...
vergedor- I'm in Memphis, TN and have been here for 20 years. I'm escaping to Oklahoma in three weeks! My dad's entire family is still in Quebec (mostly Montreal). I miss it. How do you like Montreal?
Kristen, honey, you're a nut! heheheheee
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-01-27 15:35:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ooooooooooooh. Carry a glass of wine down the aisle and when you get to the alter, toss it back as though you "need" to be inebriated before going through with the wedding.
Submitted by vergedor (user info) at 2004-01-27 15:30:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I grew up in Quebec city and I live in Montreal now. Where are you now?
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-01-27 15:26:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's a great idea for the bride's maid dresses. I have some lovely things that I paid a ridiculous amount of money for that I was assured beforehand that I would wear again and again. Oh yea, I sure I will too if I ever to Scarlet O'Hara in a play or something. You can't go wrong with the "little black cocktail dress".
Oh and while we're on the subject of wedding horrors, don't let this happen to you:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/8518
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-01-27 15:20:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I have nothing to add, marriage is not a thing I expect I will have to think about in the next few years.
I just wanted to say hi to Nat. because she's going to knock everybody out of their socks wearing a dress like that.
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2004-01-27 15:10:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I WANT THE HEADLESS WIZARD STICKS!!
Damn, I thought the zen gardens had some bamboo or bonsai trees in them or something. I'm afraid alcohol mixed with a zen garden might induce sleep. I don't want that. STAY AWAKE AND HAVE FUN, YA BASTARDS! I DIDN'T PAY FOR YOU TO NOT HAVE FUN!
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2004-01-27 15:06:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Whoa! Wasn't expecting so much feedback! Spiffy...
Thanks, loki! I could put rose scented potpourri in some kind of fru fru purse/bag thingy for the girls. I had a friend tell me I HAD to have flowers because she could remember the smell of flowers from every wedding she's been to. BAH! Here's your rose smell, biotch! And a new purse to boot.
Kristen- I like the flip flop plan! My girls were given guidelines for their dresses: black, floor length, no patterns, must look good with satin gloves. Half of them already have something that will work, and those who don't already have one could always use a dress like that a million times. It's something that's easily found on a sale rack, even. Hey, I feel ya with the Mr. Clean sponges. We found a house in OK, and I'm going to be a happy cleaning MFer!
vergedor- I used to! My dad is from Montreal, and we were there until I was 5. Are you in Quebec?
Now to look at Phinch's links...
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-01-27 14:42:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
if you like the zen garden idea i really did buy a case of the fuckers to try and sell on ebay and making myself super rich. But so did everyone else.
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2375709007&category=10034
I have about 20 or so of these, if you want them.
I HAVE THE PERFECT IDEA FOR THE BRIDESMADES!!!!!!!
http://www.zerotoys.com/newsite/products/wizardsticknohead.htm
Submitted by vergedor (user info) at 2004-01-27 14:38:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nat, you have a french-canadian name. Do you live in the province of Quebec?
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-01-27 14:33:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmmm...maybe carry a candle?
But here's something crazy: A friend of mine is getting married in April and she's FINALLY settled on a dress for us bridesmaids (it only took her 6 definite dresses to come to this, the FINAL ultimate dress...we hope.) It's a lavendar halter with a ballroom skirt and she wants all of us to buy lavendar Old Navy flip flops and she bought these little fabric baby rosettes to hot glue to the straps of the sandals...but she's getting married on the beach. However, we were all thrilled to only have to pay $5 for a pair of shoes instead of paying $100 or more on top of the $200 dress, alterations, etc...
I just thought that was kinda cool. Maybe not. I had a filed day with those new Mr. Clean sponge things yesterday. You just wet the thing and run it across any surface and it removes everything in it's way! I made the mistake of swiping it across my white bedroom door, leaving a sparkling white streak and making the rest of my door look filthy in comparison. So I spent about 20 minutes doing that and HAD FUN. See, these are my ideas of fun and cool. I'm shutting up now.
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2004-01-27 14:28:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"You could make a bouquet of sex toys."
How is it that you know me so well?? hahahahaaa you guys are awesome. The tree/light idea could work...
Quartermain, you are now officially invited, but only if you wear that tshirt! I know how you feel, though. I used to get the same thing. Now it's turned into disbelief and conversations initiated by strangers who only speak in wedding cliches.
"how about a sunflower. yeah, i know, its still a flower, but its fricken huge. you could give someone a black eye with one.
or a corn stalk! uh... a walking stick? no that idea sucks. how about a sign that says "these flowers intentionally left blank" "-Phinch
JACKPOT!! haaaaahahahahahahaaa Seriously, though, the Zen garden is great, too.
Things I didn't mention: No candles inside the building. It wouldn't do to burn down a building full of priceless treasures! The ceremony will be in one of the galleries. I only 'need' something for the 6 bride's maids and myself to hold, the groom will not wear a corsage as he will be in his dress blues, anyone else who usually gets a corsage can bite me, and I may need something to put on either side of the non-existant alter.
OH! I could hold a noose!
Oh yes, and there was a roulette wheel type thing in the store. That, in itself, is creepy. Shoe Carnival meets Bridezilla.
Party on!
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-01-27 14:23:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How about potpourri? Yea I know it's still a flower, but yet different. This kind of shit is why I'm still living in sin. I just don't want to deal, well that and the tax savings.
That dress is gorgeous by the way.
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2004-01-27 14:21:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Damn, Damn Damn.....sorry for the duplication!!
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2004-01-27 14:20:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for this "It was Stephen King's Needful Things come to life." A perfect picture
I went to a wedding last year and they had crazy shaped balloons.... it was amazing...
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2004-01-27 14:20:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for this "It was Stephen King's Needful Things come to life." A perfect picture
I went to a wedding last year and they had crazy chaped balloons.... it was amazing...
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-01-27 13:59:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You could make a bouquet of sex toys.
SpikeGoddess
---------------------------
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA
Damnit spikey, you are gonna get me fired for laughing too hard.
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2004-01-27 13:51:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You could make a bouquet of sex toys.
SpikeGoddess
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-01-27 13:50:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oooohhh. you're looking for a subsitute for the flowers you chuck at people... hmmm..
the teddy bear is a good idea.
how about a sunflower. yeah, i know, its still a flower, but its fricken huge. you could give someone a black eye with one.
or a corn stalk! uh... a walking stick? no that idea sucks. how about a sign that says "these flowers intentionally left blank"
uh... yeah... ok.. i'll stop now.
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2004-01-27 13:40:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha, this post was pure gold.
Carry a stuffed animal of some kind. I think the tazmanian devil would be particularly appropriate.
Instead of flowers, you could do this thing my Mom did for my aunt's wedding reception, which we held at my house. She had these dead trees (I know it sounds bad, but hear me out) that were small and had a pretty shape to them (I think they might have been baby Bartlett Pears, but I'm not sure) and she wrapped them with white Christmas lights so that each branch was lit up. She got the trees for free from a nursery where they had died, and the lights are cheap too. You can throw the trees away after, but then again, you didn't pay for them, and everyone can always use more Christmas lights. The effect was quite stunning.
SpikeGoddess
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-01-27 13:39:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
**Imagine bloody fangs on the robots of the Small World Ride. The Tikki Room birds sneaking "We will GET you. We will KILL you." in between the usual lyrics and shitting acid on your head.**
That would actually be kind of cool. I'm kind of flattered that you're getting married and yet still thinking about me ;)
Alot of my friends have been/are getting married lately. Its weird. And whats worse is that they become infected with some kind of zombie disease wedding fixation. Imagine all the zombies in 28 Days talking to you about how wonderful marriage is instead of trying to eat you and you get the idea. Having to go to all these weddings causes me to have to field rude but well-meaning questions from complete strangers about my marital prospects, which right now are slimmer than Kate Moss on the South Beach Diet.
I think for the next wedding I go to, I'll have a t-shirt made for those questionersthat says 'Not Any Time Soon, And By The Way, Thanks For Pointing Out That I'm Alone And Unloved, Why Don't You Just Give Me A Nice Paper Cut And Pour Lemon Juice In It.'
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-01-27 13:34:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oooooH!!! another idea!!!
go to the dollar store and get a little glass vase a short and fat one. put a few rocks in there, and (drum roll) A LIVE GOLDFISH! that would be cool too. people could take them home.
fuck electronics, i'm gonna be a wedding planner.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-01-27 13:32:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"The Ringmaster of all this was a huge, I mean HUGE, man in a tux with a camera hanging around his neck and a hands free microphone on his head."
I had a vision of a man with a huge boom microphone duct taped to the top of his head like a unicorn.
how about cheap chinese vases. little 4 inch tall white porcelan with blue painting stuff on it.
OOOOOHH! I KNOW!!! go to the dollar store. Dollartree has all kinds of cool stuff. I bought a case of zen gardens there once. how about some zen gardens? that would be kick ass. if you want, i could sell them to you for cost if you pay shipping.
sidenote: re-reading that paragraph shows my ADD. but seriously i think zen gardens are a cool idea.