The Greatest Fear a Man Can Have (952 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 0.38 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Puking Dog (View user info) at 2004-01-29 18:56:04 EST
I have never posted anything. This is not something I know about; I don't know how I stumbled onto this site.
Anyway, I will keep it short...
This is why I registered myself here. I decided this was the best way to let it out and remain anonymous. Here is the greatest fear: Getting married. Worse: getting married to someone that you love and you don't know why you love them and they are now fatter than they have ever been and bitchy to boot. What the fuck am I doing? It's like a dream where everything is out of my control, and I feel numb when I realize that life as I have always known it, at least up until 4 years ago, is OVER. And there's nothing I can do about it.
Sex is a thing of the past, has been for almost a year straight. It will only get worse. I will look at every woman (and I mean EVERY woman) as some kind of beautiful, exotic fucking pageant winner. I know because I already do. I look for the Loren1 and the Nicole3 and the Krista posts desperately searching for some kind of photo. Pathetic. I yearn.
I am fucked!
I can't say don't ever do it, because somehow my mind knows we are supposed to make babies. But I want to cry and scream and get out, get out as fast as I can, get amnesia, hell - get killed for Chrissake. Oh yeah - I should tell you that there is money in her family. But she likes to hear herself talk too. You know what I mean. At least she is smart, too smart, actually, but she can make the same point 10 different ways without stopping for air. You know how your smile starts to hurt and you forget to nod your head automatically at certain spots so they think you are paying attention? That's me, often.
But it is true - it is actually going to happen. There is no way out. I am losing my will to live - the thought of this as eternity, of missing the last few years of my youth - wasting it... it sucks the life out of me. God I am scared, like that stupid girl in Nightmare on Elm Street. What if she keeps getting bigger? And she just has absolutely NO desire - she's asexual. I know that no one will like my post. I don't give a fuck. It is for me, not you, and now I have told someone and that is supposed to release some of the shit inside a guy - any therapist can tell you that. Did I tell you she is a therapist? Swear to god. No conversation can escape the scrutiny of psychoanalysis. And she hates porn. She'll be so pissed when she finds that big stack that I will one day own. I am done.
User Reviews
Submitted by PukingDog (user info) at 2004-02-02 21:26:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I appreciate your responses, all of you. This is a work of fiction, and perhaps I should have stated that. However, once the reviews came in I decided to let it be and see what kind of advice I would get. I didn't mean to mislead anyone. I thought the ironic aspects of the post would give it away... being married is not for everyone, but it makes me happy. I was fucking around with this. Read "Toothpick" for my usual self...
Submitted by booj (user info) at 2004-02-02 21:13:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't know about this making me smile - but it was certainly interesting. I think it is all a matter of how old you are. My dad was married the second time for convenience and i think it was the right thing to do. When everyone you know is married - there is nothing else to do but be married. So if you are in a circle of married people, or over the age of 35 I say be happy you are not sitting at home alone. There is always round 2 when people break up and get re married. This will hit at about 45 so hang in there and don't let yourself get fat!
PS this is not a joke am actually being sincere.
Submitted by Heimdallsman (user info) at 2004-01-31 00:46:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Leave, man. Now.
The world will not end; the world will not care.
She might care, but she's a fat bitch.
Leave.
--HeimdallsMan
Submitted by TaK (user info) at 2004-01-31 00:23:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes. +2 for this alone:
"I know that no one will like my post. I don't give a fuck. It is for me, not you, and now I have told someone and that is supposed to release some of the shit inside a guy - any therapist can tell you that. Did I tell you she is a therapist? Swear to god. "
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-01-30 15:09:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Harsh, Phinch!
Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2004-01-30 11:57:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
If you're not happy now, you're not going to become happy when you marry her. Get out now. Fuck the money.
Submitted by altpieton at 2004-01-30 11:42:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh i guess this post lacked the uselessness of most things people write about here.
Where's the cool nasty attitude? See? No feedback for you, mister normal person.
Submitted by Trout (user info) at 2004-01-30 08:23:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-01-29 19:07:30 (#)
Ranking: 0
wack it in bed while lying next to her..
-------------------------------
Too funny Phinch, that's just too funny.
Submitted by Fleadh (user info) at 2004-01-30 08:14:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Been there but was the person who got overweight and lost their sex drive. In hindsite I deserved to get my ass dumped by the girl I was engaged to. Being a fat cunt/bastard is just not sexy. They dont feel sexy and you dont think they are sexy. Unless things radically change you must send her to dumpsville, population one fat cow.
More seriously though love is a load of crap and it lies to you. Its like giving up smoking. You thionk you cannot do without the smokes but as soon as you give up you realise you were just weak and had settled into a stupid routine. Its only by comparision you realise how much it sucked before. Familiarity breeds lasiness and removes your backbone and paints you yeller.
Stick your hands down your trousers, cup your balls and announce to her, testicales in hand, that your ball bag dont want her no more. Tell her in a steady and calm voice while nodding towards said cupped testicals that She can phsyco-analyse this anyway she wants....FUCK OFF GEEBAG.
C
Submitted by The_taste_of_mogwais (user info) at 2004-01-30 08:11:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fear. not fera.
Submitted by The_taste_of_mogwais (user info) at 2004-01-30 08:10:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Wrong.
The greatest fera a man can have is waking up without your cock.
or waking up next to Lisa Riley which is pretty much the same thing.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-01-29 21:34:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"The Greatest Fear a Man Can Have"
What a load of bullshit. No wonder she got fat being married to a spineless boring peice of trailer trash like yourself.
Go on divorce her or can't you do this cause you are too scared to miss out on the prerks of her money.
Fuck off and die.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2004-01-29 19:20:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Did she used to be asexual? or did it happen after she got fat? She is probably just uncomfortable about her weight, start doing the shopping and cooking with her, and help her to eat healthy, tell her she is good looking and try and get her to go on walks with you, or anything to help her lose the weight but don't tell her she is a porker, be sensitive, and eventually, she will start to lose the weight and you can have a normal sex life.
Sounds like it will take a while, right?
Well go for plan B, get blind drunk with her(spike her drinks if you have to), she will eventually get horny, at this point you can think of someone else, or if she is drunk enough hire another chick to climb into bed with you.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-01-29 19:07:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
she turned unperfect, you should do the same.
leave porn around the house. wack it in bed while lying next to her..
have buddies over for poker night. smoke cigars.
or grow a pair and leave.
dude, just leave.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-01-29 19:06:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Divorce now while you have the chance not to be completely fucked by the judge. Apparently you haven't really done much wrong yet. If you sleep with someone and she divorces you, you're fucked.