Kelly, Loren, Nadia, Elizabeth, Natalie, Katie, Constanzia, Gina. And John. And a contest. (1620 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.25 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by DrStrangeDhruv <bigdhruv.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-01-30 15:09:01 EST
He walked through his door, coming in from the noisy rain. In front of him stood Kelly, to his right Loren, far left of him Nadia.
"Hello, you beautiful things," he said, in his usual melancholy drone. No reply.
He walked past Kelly, still wearing his dark blue cap. He casually reached out to touch Elizabeth's bottom, standing just behind. Not a sound in reply. He literally wiped his hands over Elizabeth's rear, drying off his rain-soaked hands.
He gazed around. "Thank you, Liz darling," he murmured, then walked over to the right end of the room.
With calloused fingertips he felt Loren's bulbous front and pressed lightly. "You like being touched, don't you Loren, dear?" Not a sound in reply.
He liked to turn Loren on.
He went into the kitchen. Across the room stood Natalie, pale white, facing him. "Looking gorgeous, Nat, as usual." No reply.
He walked over, and without flinching pulled open Natalie's white outfit, feeling inside.
He came out of the kitchen with his plate of macaroni, laid it on the table.
He put his mouth to Nadia's, roughly connecting, slurping.
From the corner of his eye he noticed John. He knew about the reality; he knew that John was, sooner or later, going to end his happiness. "Fuck it," he thought, setting Nadia back, pulling something dark and oblong from the desk drawer.
The firy spark flared from the cold black steel. And without a blink he smoked John.
"Really, fuck it."
Saying this he took off Katie, his cap, and put it on Constanzia, the hat peg. He then sat down to another dinner at Gina, the table. Alone, yet again.
More or less.
Contest: What really are Kelly, Loren, Nadia, Elizabeth, Natalie and John?
User Reviews
Submitted by drstrangedhruv (user info) at 2004-01-31 14:11:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Holy cunt of a eunuch, apollo88, you're a pedantic bastard! Well observed though.
I am going to leave it at you've collectively gotten all of them right at least once, except one which nobody's guessed correctly, but that's probably my own fault for not having given specific enough clues. A good job all in all, pat yourselves heartily on the back, reward yourselves with large helpings of sex and icecream, and peacefully make your respective ways back to your next MENSA meetings.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-01-30 23:16:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Kelly is the door.
Loren is a lamp.
Nadia is a spoon.
Elizabeth is a towel.
Natalie is a refridgerator.
John is a cigar/cigarette.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-01-30 20:32:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"Hello, you beautiful things," he said, in his usual melancholy drone. No reply.
Melancholy cannot be a drone.
Melancholy presumes a tone/intonation. Drone is without expression. Contradictory.
Jebus I am pompous.
Submitted by PukingDog (user info) at 2004-01-30 20:04:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Kelly = Hat Rack
Elizabeth = Towel
Loren = Lamp
Natalie = Refrigerator
Nadia = Spoon/fork
John = Ciggy butt
Submitted by hendrixjrr at 2004-01-30 17:32:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not easily amused lately...my bad guys.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-01-30 15:58:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Kelly, Loren, Nadia, Elizabeth, Natalie, Katie, Constanzia, Gina, and John....
They're all dead. HAH!!! What do I win?
Submitted by Manfre (user info) at 2004-01-30 15:52:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What really are Kelly, Loren, Nadia, Elizabeth, Natalie and John?
Kelly - front door?
Loren - lamp
Nadia - glass
Elizabeth - Towel on towel rack
Natalie - fridge
John - cigarette/cigar/joint/pipe
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2004-01-30 15:43:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
At least reveal it by 4:30 before people leave work!
Submitted by drstrangedhruv (user info) at 2004-01-30 15:38:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
'Quit being a grouch, hendrix. Just repeat to yourself, "boobies boobies boobies."'
Heh heh heh heh
I'm not sure whether to reveal what I intended the characters to be or not. I guess I won't until someone gets them all right, what say laddies?
Submitted by Cal (user info) at 2004-01-30 15:34:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going to say Kelly is a rug, Elizabeth is a towel, Loren is a TV or radio, Natalie is a fridge, Nadia is a glass, and John is a cigarrette?
Submitted by drstrangedhruv (user info) at 2004-01-30 15:29:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Close, close. Some are spot on, but I'm not sure if I should reveal. Hendrix, you foul infidel, how dare you besmirch this golden peach of a post with that unsightly -2! Make ammends immediately, my good man, making consistently hilarious posts is no excuse for rudely criticizing the sterling works of others! Boo to you with knobs on, you bastardly bastard!
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2004-01-30 15:25:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nadia's a glass.
Loren's one of those round battery powered stick up lights you push to turn on??
Quit being a grouch, hendrix. Just repeat to yourself, "boobies boobies boobies."
Submitted by hendrixjrr (user info) at 2004-01-30 15:23:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
They're stupid!
Submitted by Melon_of_Doom (user info) at 2004-01-30 15:18:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i dunno who they are
but im the new guy
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2004-01-30 15:17:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
or a microwave...
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-01-30 15:16:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
John's a cigarette, and Nadia's a fridge.
I'm guessing Loren is an oven, or perhaps a light switch. Kelly might be a hat/coat rack, and I think that Liz might be either another coat on the rack or perhaps a dish towel.
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2004-01-30 15:13:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a refrigerator!
Funny, just as I was typing the word, someone else in the office was saying it.