Master of the dice (608 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.88 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Al <revenge_of_the_killer_dustbin.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-01-30 19:15:20 EST
I'm not too pleased with this, but here goes.
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The bus sailed slowly across the sea of grey that was Kingsville, while the quiet masses ambled aimlessly to work or school. The town was duller than a depeche mode fan club, but at least it had marginally less acne. Well, if you didn't count Jerry, a lot less acne. He was sitting on the warm bus, smelling the smoke drifting from the back row, and silently adding names to the list of people that he would kill one day. He awaited his confrontation eagerly. Soon he would show them all.
Then it struck, a level 7 cunt casted 'human ashtray' on him. He groaned as his body became covered in the foul, black tar, but he had just enough time to roll his dice. The flame of Barzhak tore through the back row of the bus, shredding half the bullies, in a mighty inferno. Jerry always knew that smoking would kill them.
Suddenly, a more worthy opponent appeared, casting 'stop the bus' instantly. It was the level 12 driver. Shit. Dodging a 'what the hell did you just do?' with a roll of +19, he came back quickly with the 'lightning of Bhaal'. The driver was too fast though. He must have casted 'nervous haste' on himself. Before the driver could fire off a deadly 'I'm going to see you expelled', Jerry struck with a powerful combination of 'Slow' and 'Acid blast', thanks to a double dice roll. The bus driver became a dirty crimson puddle on the floor.
But now Jerry was stranded on a bus filled with angry teens, yearning to take out their pubescent frustrations on him. He could sense the children summoning scores of 'We hate you, you nerd' attacks. But they were low level. With a little luck, Jerry could teleport away. He vanished with a +24, just as the attacks whizzed over where his head once was.
He was lying on the floor of the men's toilets, regenerating his health with 'Light of Anuin', when the headmaster came in. An 'Are you smoking drugs boy?' smashed open the door. To summon that kind of power so quickly, the head must have been level 20 at least. Things were getting dangerously risky. Thankfully, the 'Thunder of Tharagoth' stopped the attack before it reached him. Jerry drew his level 25 long sword. It was his pride and joy, and he had named it 'Morax'. With it, he was unstoppable. The headmaster summoned a strong shield of detention slips, but as blow after blow rained down upon him, he was soon engulfed in a +35 killing blow.
But the other teachers were beginning to attack. A 'Your education is finished' narrowly missed him, so he crouched and fired back some poison arrows, from his level 15 bow of the elven. He heard a few cries of pain, mostly from weak and defenceless language teachers, but he knew that he would need heavier firepower. He had to concentrate all of his energy onto summoning the Dragon of Amun-Raj. The teachers fired wave after wave of 'you killed the fucking head, boy!' at him, but he had to grit his teeth and bear it. As his concentration was being pushed to the limit, his HP was slowly being drained.
Finally the essence of the dragon filled the room, filling all who gazed upon it with fear. In a whirlwind of fangs and claws, half of the teaching staff were annihilated. The rest had tried to run, and soon fire scorched their skin, until they shrivelled up and fell to the floor, one by one, like macabre puppets whose strings are suddenly, mercilessly cut.
Jerry smiled for the first time in years. Once again he was in control, he was the master of the dice. They would catch him soon, but he still had his greatest weapon. A level 50 scroll of 'Marilyn manson made me do it'.
User Reviews
Submitted by BalloonKnot (user info) at 2004-05-10 15:50:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh great master of the lice
Submitted by BonesForBucks (user info) at 2004-02-29 20:43:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Originally I was just going to give you -2 because it was about Dungeons and Dragons, but you turned it into something funny. A driver class of fantasy person? Classic. I'm glad I didn't just rampage on this post. Oh, and I hate Marilyn Manson. Just thought you should know for reasons only I am privy to.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2004-01-31 01:32:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad...
Nice play off the Mazes and Monsters (Starring Tom Hanks (no shit!)) concept when a teen took the game beyond fantasy and started living it.
The catholic church was WAY against D&D in the late 70 and early 80's claiming it promoted devil worship etc.
Fact of the fact is fucked up kids do fucked up shit. Even the young can have mental disorders.
Music doesn't make em do it nor does indulging in fantasy.
IT is akin to killing yourself of Everquest or your Sims girlfriend breaking up with you (we're doing fine btw just got the latest expansion and we have been Busting Out I love her new avatar and the other night her sister joined us in our bedroom and all night long we passed the green diamond.)
-Turtle
Submitted by neomage (user info) at 2004-01-30 22:47:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nice!
Submitted by DraconianKing (user info) at 2004-01-30 21:54:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That kicked so much ass. Sometimes I'll describe something as "Drinking Glass of Anubis +19" and no one knows what I'm talking about. D&D rules.
-Mike Spencer
"The Yellow Dart"
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2004-01-30 21:22:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, you are a nerd, but if you made a post like this you must be cool with it. Anyway, it made me laugh, especially the marylin scroll bit at the end.
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2004-01-30 20:21:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i thought it was hilarious. my favorite line, "The town was duller than a depeche mode fan club, but at least it had marginally less acne."
Submitted by Lucifer_Industries (user info) at 2004-01-30 19:40:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
What's the point? Did anyone roll a critical miss? What happened then? Didn't anyone rise up against the DM for all this happening? I would have just ordered some food and drink to the table and began a holy shitfest rampage against the innocent NPC's.
Malone
Lucifer Industries LLC
http://www.luciferindustries.com
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-01-30 19:19:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This reminds me of ShandyTheDog's latest posts. but shandy's has to do with sex, and yours has to do with d&d. your post will probably not get better ratings than shandy's.
Made me smile. +1