49 degree Bering Sea (640 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.37 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Puking Dog (View user info) at 2004-01-30 21:15:32 EST
Forty-nine degrees Fahrenheit. Doesn't exactly sound cold, does it? Sounds downright reasonable actually. Hmph. In twenty-five minutes you'll be dead. Forty-nine degrees in the Bering Sea is another world.
In the Aleutians, if a day tops out at 49 then it's good boatin' weather. Fishin' weather. Out here we fish for halibut. We boast the world record - 459 pounds. Halibut's got white meat like a fuckin' chicken. In fact, in our little boat, one of the previous world records was caught. She was a 395-pounder. That record only lasted a year. The guy who caught her was so fuckin' pissed! You know it was a "she" because they're the only ones that get that big.
Anyway, 49 degrees in the air is a fuck of a lot better than 49 degrees in the water. Which is right where I fuckin' am. I can't feel my legs anymore. My balls are in my throat, it's so cold. Fuckin' halibut I had on pulled me right the fuck in the water. And then some. Things look like goddamn monsters when you finally get 'em to the surface. They sure do fight like hell. Make you fuckin' tired. I guess that's how she pulled me in.
Now I can see my boat driftin' out with the current. You can't anchor down when you're halibut fishin'. They live in deep waters, on the bottom, like, two or 300 feet. So there goes my little boat. After about five more minutes I won't feel cold anymore. In fact, it'll be kinda like getting' high - don't know what the fuck is goin' on and won't care. Get hypothermia. Then I'll drown, even with a life vest, cause you can't hold your head up when you're un-fuckin'-conscious! Ha! Even if I don't drown, I'll be dead fifteen minutes after that.
I'm so glad Jenny didn't come out here with me. She would have to watch me die, or me her. I miss her so bad right now.
Why did I ever come all the fuckin' way out here? It's like goddamn Russia. Piece of shit place. It's cold, and it stinks like fish, and the wind blows all the time. Only reason to come out here is try to make some money riskin' your fuckin' life catchin' other people's crab. Fuckin' gigantic prehistoric spiders is all they are.
You wouldn't believe this shit - the sky is bright blue, only like two fuckin' clouds in the whole sky. It's a perfect day. Except that it's the day I die. Fuckin' freaky ass giant fish, of all things. Hmph. Fuck.
User Reviews
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2008-05-20 07:55:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this - short and sharp.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2008-05-18 04:16:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good stuff!
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-01-31 11:46:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
hehehe, pwnage... go mac go... UberAsshat, he was... get this.... wait for it... REVIEWING IT! fucking asshat. Have you never noticed that those big fucking bolf letter spell out the words "User Reviews"? shut the fuck up and go stick you dick in koolmungs ass.
btw, liked reading it, good story, but i agree with mac, felt rushed, but i just like reading so maybe i'm mad that it was over so quick. i love long posts, teeheehee... *wink*
Submitted by Mac (user info) at 2004-01-31 01:11:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by UberUser (user info) at 2004-01-31 00:40:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
I may not post a lot but I know not to spout off random bullshit like I'm a high and mighty NY Post critic.
Fucker.
----------------------------------------
Translation-
"I'm a talentless shit eating moron that lacks the necessary motor skills to type more than one sentence fragment at a time. On top of that, I'm also a gutless coward that blindly gives +2s to any mediocre bullshit I can find not only in an effort to gain popularity, but also due to the fact that I can't back up my own criticism, so why bother? "
"Hell, I even lack the creativity to think of a witty or cutting remark to end my retort with, so I'll just call you a fucker."
Your shit is weak. I'm done with you.
Submitted by UberUser (user info) at 2004-01-31 00:40:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I may not post a lot but I know not to spout off random bullshit like I'm a high and mighty NY Post critic.
Fucker.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2004-01-31 00:35:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Good read...how did you post from the water... water proof laptop? wifi reaches out in to the sea...
fuck i'd have emailed the coast gaurd at least
This is also another reason I don;t fish or eat fish...
-Turtle
Submitted by Mac (user info) at 2004-01-31 00:34:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by UberUser (user info) at 2004-01-31 00:16:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
Who the fuck are you to judge someone else's work?
What have you written thats so great, eh?
Schwing!
oh, shit, hold the phone. I just checked out old UberUser's info and all he's posted is one bullshit article about squattail. And this son of a bitch has the nerve to say this shit? What a chauncey. Fuck off.
Submitted by Mac (user info) at 2004-01-31 00:29:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
UberUser and Tak,
Did I come off as a know it all asshole in my review? That's not what I was going for, hence the "...or so I think. But that may be just me, so take it for it's worth. Keep posting." I was under the impression that "keep posting" would be a positive thing. You guys act like I told him to fuck off or something, which isn't the case.
Submitted by TaK (user info) at 2004-01-31 00:26:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, I just read your other post and am beginning to wonder if this is not some sort of allusion to your real life situation with your soon to be wife....
You talk about big fish here and how much they weigh.....in the other post you talk about your fiance being big and your fear of her getting bigger.....
Plus the obvious connection between you being afraid of marriage in your first post and the fictional character in this one drowning in a cold sea he can't fight off.....
If this was intentional, +4!
If it was not, +2 for making me think!
Submitted by TaK (user info) at 2004-01-31 00:20:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This kicked ass. Talk about a short short-story. Fuck yea man!
And don't worry about people who tell you to expound on a character that is obviously the main characters girlfriend he's thinking about while he dies in freezing ass water.
You rule. Keep posting.
Submitted by UberUser (user info) at 2004-01-31 00:16:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Who the fuck are you to judge someone else's work?
What have you written thats so great, eh?
Schwing!
Submitted by Mac (user info) at 2004-01-31 00:09:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This wasn't too bad, but it just didn't go anywhere. It seemed too rushed. Don't be afraid to take your time in getting a message across. There's a sense of urgency on Uber, what with there being so much to chose from on the front page, but don't fall victim to pandering to those with short attention spans. Fuck em if they're not willing to take an extra five minutes to read a decent story. That being said, make sure you add the extra little details that help tell the story more clearly, so that it's worth the extra time. There were some details you could have expounded on in this story, such as the introduction of Jenny. Who's Jenny and why is she important to the character? This could have given some valuable insight into the character's background. It's the little things like this that count, or so I think. But that may be just me, so take it for it's worth. Keep posting.
Submitted by UberUser (user info) at 2004-01-30 23:01:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good post. Schwing!
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-01-30 22:39:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thumbs up.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2004-01-30 22:32:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I read it. It's pretty good. Silly halibut.
Submitted by Lynn (user info) at 2004-01-30 22:21:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't read it, but i thought that you needed a review.
Thumbs up!!!