I got a ticket for NOT driving drunk! (1109 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.25 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by SammySam <SammyKaBlammy21.at.aol.com> (View user info) at 2004-02-01 03:08:55 EST
I jump into the front seat of the taxi and look out the window as we pull away from my truck. I didn't like this idea, not one bit. Recently I had heard too many horror stories of leaving these trucks unattended. It seems that there are a lot of people who look at a brand new truck and find it necessary to scratch it or break all the windows out. I felt like a mother who was getting her child taken by Child Protective Services. And much like a mother in that situation it was my fault that I couldn't drive it that night.
"Lets go" I said to Misty and Claudia who were getting their hair fixed up all pretty, Albert and I were already working on getting pre-loaded before going out on the town. We had been waiting for what seemed like an eternity for these girls to get ready. I don't know what my big rush was; we had all night to get our drink on. Al and I were sitting there blowing away Cubans on "GTA Vice City" when these two gorgeous girls block our screen and start showing off their sexiest outfits and their Shirley Temple curls.
"Who are you and what did you do with Misty and Claudia" while stupid, corny, nerdy, and oversaid it was all I could think to say. Normally these are just some cute girls who I hang out with, never have I seen them fixed up this nice. I thought to myself that it was finally my turn to be "that guy". The guy who every other person looks at in wonder, trying to figure out how he got to hang out with the two hottest girls in San Luis Obispo.
We all climb into my brand new Ford and make the short drive from Morro Bay to the city of San Luis Obispo. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this area SLO is a college town, home of the great Cal-Poly, and located in Central California. I work up in this area but live down in So Cal, so I really don't know all that much about it either. When we get downtown, I find a cozy little spot for my truck to nestle into. We jump out and head towards a place called "The Graduate". We walk up in that bitch like we own the place and I feel like a pimp with these hotties on either arm.
"Misty!" I hear from the left-hand side.
"Hey, what's up" she says to the bartender after flashing me the "who the fuck is this guy" look.
"Blah, blah, blah" says the bartender.
"yea, ha ha ha" says Misty (I don't think she could hear him either.)
"Blah, blah... bla bla bla blah" repeats the bartender.
"yea, ha ha ha" says Misty (I still don't think she could hear him.)
Misty has a little problem; she is far too nice for someone as hot as she is. Most people would think that was a good thing but then the problem is that Mr. Bartender doesn't know that he is a fucking douche bag and Misty has no desire to be bothered by him. She would much rather be bothered by me, because I am the shit, and her ride home, so if that bitch wants to get home.... Ahhh, so anyway....
There we are, in good with the bartender, the man who is the gatekeeper to a drunken bliss. The keymaster was of course, Misty. You do your thing girl! You said you could get us free drinks and it looked like she was well on her way.
I wasn't planning on getting so sloshed that I wouldn't be able to drive, but before long I was tossed like a salad. Once we were wasted beyond belief the four of us left our little bartender buddy behind and stumbled to some other place where the girls danced the night away. Al and I sat there and actually paid for a few drinks and talked to some other chicks until Misty and Claudia got jealous and dragged our asses out to the dance floor. Once there we commenced in some sort of drunken ritual that involves a lot more than two chicks and a lot more than four breasts.
Oh what a night, huh? What the fuck is going on? Why are we being guided to the door? Oh right its closing time. Pussies couldn't stay open any longer, at least not the bar. Well let's get back to Morro Bay where Misty, Claudia, and Al live. For some reason I had a clear moment in the storm of fun, fuck, I can't drive and all of us are too wasted to drive also. I was thinking "maybe?" but then I realized that I don't want to crash my new truck and I also didn't want to scoop the brains of my friends off the asphalt.
So we called a cab, as I seriously thought about sleeping in my truck. Like I said before I had recently heard horror stories of trucks like mine getting damaged and I figured that I could at least get out and beat someone in a drunken rage if they so much as breathe on my truck wrong. I was convinced that it would be safe and going back to Morro Bay was the plan.
I jump into the front seat of the taxi and look out the window as we pull away from my truck. I didn't like this idea, not one bit. I felt like a mother who was getting her child taken by Child Protective Services. And much like a mother in that situation it was my fault that I couldn't drive it that night.
The next morning we jump in Claudia's Mustang and head back into town to get the beast that is the truck. I see it! I know now how my dog feels when she sees me come home, I know now why her tail wags. I could barely sit still, so beautiful, so elegant, and it was calling to me. As soon as I got out of the car I could tell my truck was sad. I couldn't figure out why. No scratches, no broken windows. I was beginning to think it was sad because I had left it behind, but then I saw it. Suddenly I felt overpowered by a fit of uncontrollable rage. I snatched the parking ticket off the window and almost went into "Vice City Mode".
"Overnight parking - $20"
"Please include check or money order (no cash) affix stamp on front and place in mail box"
I calmed myself, I did not kick anything or anyone, I breathed.
"20 bucks is better than a couple thousand," I calmly say to Claudia who could do nothing but look at me with puppy dog eyes.
I went home.
I did not pay it because I forgot.
I got a letter from the City of San Luis Obispo.
It read "Pay your fucking ticket or we will have you killed"
I called instead.
The lady on the phone was a fucking bitch, I explained how I tried to be a responsible adult and take a Taxi home. She was still a fucking bitch but told me I could write a letter and get it removed.
I don't like writing letters.
I said, "fuck that" and paid it.
So boys and girls here is your lesson for the day, if you're ever drunk in SLO, just drive home. If you get pulled over explain to the cop what happened to me and maybe you won't go to jail.
Taxi - $35
Parking ticket - $20
Getting a ticket for NOT driving drunk - Priceless.
User Reviews
Submitted by Random Joesephine at 2004-02-02 03:06:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude!!!!
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2004-02-01 11:07:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
this was pretty good
Submitted by Lucifer_Industries (user info) at 2004-02-01 09:52:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I would have just driven myself and my friends home. If anyone get's hit, fuck em, I'm out and running.
Malone
Lucifer Industries LLC
http://www.luciferindustries.com
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-02-01 06:38:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Misty tossed your salad?
Fines for DUI: A Lot
Getting Home safely: Priceless
Submitted by SammySam (user info) at 2004-02-01 04:08:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Bart? yea he's way hot... what am I saying, I'm not gay!! I'd totally do him... no no no what am I saying??? I'd pay money to get to bone him up his ass, wow what am I saying?? actually I'd pay him to do me up the ass, no Im not gay, what am I saying?!?!?
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-02-01 03:41:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Is Bart hot? Or is he just shallow?
"He last checked his score: 27 minutes ago"
http://meetme.hotornot.com/r/?emid=NQBEEL
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-02-01 03:23:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
(y)
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-02-01 03:17:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
WTF IM NOT READING ALL THAT