Penitence and Pontification (591 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.33 on 5 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by YellowDragon (View user info) at 2004-02-02 10:42:48 EST
I feel pretty bad about leaving Ubersite for so long. I miss being a tiny, tiny part of everybody's life here, and I feel like I abandoned everyone in some small way. I hear that Ubercon is seriously going down. I missed it, along with probably a million other little victories, disappointments, and heartaches that make life what it is.
I might stay, I might not. At least for a while. I'm restless; I get the itch to dive into something new and interesting and I just go for it. Cripes, I can't wait to get out of this house. But being back here is like coming back, where it's safe and no matter who you are, there's always something to say, do, or see that will make you feel better about your day.
I see a few new faces around, and that's cool. Hi guys, welcome home. If you're Pagan, Jewish, Christian, a DJ, weird, normal, rich, poor... whatever, welcome. And whether I stay or not doesn't matter. Right now, I'M BACK, BABY!
***
I have a quick message here, and if you're not Hidden101 then feel free to skip it. The following was a reply to a post that, well, I just didn't post.
Wait a second.
Wait just one f-ing second: you were cruising around St. Louis and you didn't tell me? Never mind, it's cool. But if you're ever up here and sick of the fam, just ring-a-ding-ding me up.
Okay, I know this usually taboo (posting a reply to a post) and about two months too late, but congratulations on quitting. You were absolutely right that there are people out there that care, and as pathetic and weird as it may seem, I'm one of them. You're right: "It's the people."
To get your mind off it, why don't we start an Ubersite Linux Users Group? (Anyone out there feel me?) Who knows, maybe the next Ubercon could be a combination party and install mecca. Whatever.
Again, congratulations. Prayer really works... who knew?
***
And for those of you who know me, here's a little piece I cooked up just for you. A continuation of an earlier bit (http://www.ubersite.com/m/17297). Feel free to finish it, because I sure didn't. It's kinda goofy and stupid, but enjoy.
Wrestling is survival; wrestling is life. Football, basketball, hockey, those had to be made up. But wrestling is a street fight with rules. When you step on the mat, you say, implicitly or otherwise, "I'm good enough to go toe to toe with you. I'll beat your ass six ways from sundown; I'll cut you up, break you, salt your wounds and make you beg for mercy." When you step on the mat, you'd better believe that that's what's coming.
It's not a pissing contest. You don't win if you don't lose and keep trying. You have to harden yourself, train until you cry blood and sweat ice. You face every demon of doubt and remorse and weakness, and if you don't beat them then you lose to the man who has. When you step on the mat, you surrender every comfort and shield you've hidden behind. You can't even hide your body; every part of you is revealed, as if your very being were vivisected and catalogued and weighed against your opponent. If you are dirty inside, you will wrestle dirty and you will win dirty, but you'll win. From whistle to whistle, who you are is how you wrestle.
So it is odd, very odd, that with this killer instinct comes the brotherhood of fellow wrestlers. Some people have alcohol. I have wrestling. Nothing mollifies the day's frustrations like dressing down and going live until you can't stand up or keep your hands steady. There is peace in complete emptiness.
And that is when I think of her.
I finish practice, nap on the mat, and dream until Smitty wakes me up before he locks the door. In my dream, she was sitting astride me, feeling my face and running her fingers through my hair. I woke up, vaguely aroused, with Smitty's hand on my head. Just trying to fuck with me. It worked, the bastard.
She was the farthest thing from my mind after practice. I save her to savor her, losing myself in memory when nobody is looking and hoping against hope that I might not wake up this time. She can have her way with me, finally, and I with her.
I find it strange, and assume that my friends would do likewise, that I would have the desire to lose myself to a woman. But there is something about the gentle that tames the wild, the innocent that silences doubt. It is in that quiet rush of a first kiss or a strained goodbye that awakens a staying and steadying instinct. It is as if the world comes to complete balance on either side of me and death is just a word, a concept. I would be completely free in her tightest embrace.
The soul flies from the body, is eternal, and is freed by love. The body is but a shell.
***
Regards,
YellowDragon
User Reviews
Submitted by YellowDragon (user info) at 2004-02-02 16:45:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No kidding? Just 3 years off from mine. Goodness.
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2004-02-02 16:32:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Your user number is my birth year. I wanted that. Bah.
Submitted by YellowDragon (user info) at 2004-02-02 16:28:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hi Tom, Phinch. You'll notice that my tactic was to slip back in, virtually unnoticed, Solid Snake style. It's what I call "Stealth Posting."
YellowDragon
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-02-02 12:14:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sup yellow dragon?
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-02-02 10:54:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Welcome back.