Wasted Orange Juice, Wasted Life (812 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.25 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Redrum<redrum420.at.zoomtown.com> (View user info) at 2004-02-02 15:56:14 EST
Yesterday at work, I caused an explosion while attempting to relieve a little stress. It had been a long day, having to work as everyone stocked up for their Super Bowl parties. It also didn't help knowing that I would be stuck at work during the big game. I rang up purchase after purchase of Tostito's, Dorito's, Oreos, and many other things that ended in long Os. Which brings me to the explosion, which is along the lines of the Os. The OJs, to be exact.
At work, when orange juice or any other thing goes out of date, we are to waste and dispose of it. We waste it by scanning it at our register and dispose of it by chucking it into the dumpster. Usually. Most of the time though (that is, whenever our manager isn't working with us), we have a little fun. My friend Dan and I lucked out last night when seven half-gallons of orange juice were found with the date of February 1st. Given three and a half gallons of fun, we proceeded out the back door and to the dumpster, bringing our favorite weapon along with us.
To move stacked crates of milk, we're given a steel device that's just plain wicked. It's a steel rod of about a half-inch thickness with a short hook at one end and two mallet-like protrusions at the other end. Think hardened steel croquet mallet and you have the idea.
Bringing our best friend (referred to with awe as "The Hook") along with us, we set up the orange juice and went about means of destruction.
"I'm just gonna chuck one or two against the wall, not sure about the other ones. How do you want to do it?"
Pondering for a moment, I made up my mind and answered. "I think I'm gonna practice my golf swing."
Seeing as neither of us are golfers and we both have a great love of the movie Happy Gilmore, we knew just how this was going to work out. Running start, smooth steel-driven swing, and *PHWOOSH* flying orange juice jugs.
I lined up my first shot after Dan teed up the jug for me. I got my running start, made the swing, and connected beautifully. After that though, things got ugly. The orange juice jug exploded with a pop, throwing everything it had at me. I was lucky enough to catch it all... With my face.
"JESUS GOD, I'M FUCKING BLIND!"
After wiping away the sticky-sweet citrus treat, I walked back inside in silence, leaving Dan to do what he wanted with the rest. I spent the rest of the night explaining why the upper half of my shirt was stained orange and why strands of my hair were clumped together at the ends. The only response I could muster? "I got my daily dose of vitamin C, how about you?"
User Reviews
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-04-08 22:17:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What the hell? I didn't read the post, admittedly. Where's Polyaj to correct my spelling when I need him... anyway... as I was saying...
What the hell, stalking me... pictures... easy... huh?
Submitted by sinwithin (user info) at 2004-02-03 00:01:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"The LORD will afflict you with madness, blindness and confusion of mind."
-Deuteronomy 28:28
Submitted by Redrum (user info) at 2004-02-02 16:38:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ouch, and here I thought I'd get some credit for the gimped-ness. I could've sworn I'd used .bmps in the past and had them display, my apologies. .jpgs from here on out.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-02-02 16:27:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
+1 for the story.
-1 for not figuring out how to make a jpeg, gif, or png file.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-02-02 16:07:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
psst. jpegs work.
good story though.
Submitted by Redrum (user info) at 2004-02-02 15:59:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Damn, shouldn't have posted a picture that depicts me. That's gonna make stalking corn_nugget tougher.