I almost threw my 5 year old cousin out the window. (1198 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.84 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Andras (View user info) at 2004-02-02 21:32:50 EST
Of a one story house, but a window nonetheless.
You see, I was in my house and all was well, the morning dew was where it should be, on top of the green, green grass, birds where singing, dogs were playing and cats were purring. A perfect day all around.
After having a very nice breakfast I decided to go take a bath, completely forgetting that my 5 year old cousin had been entrusted to me to take care off.
Now, my cousin is not by any standard normal, he's only 5 and he cusses and flips off people and has been know to scream at the top of his lungs: "MOM MY PEE PEE'S GONE LIMP" with the sole purpose of embarrassing his mother, doctors called it severe ADD and hyperactivity. I call it pure evil. He recently got a gameboy advance with pokemon ruby or zapphire or zirconia or sandpaper or whatever the hell its name is, which of course kept him entertained.
Because of this gameboy the little bastard hadn't been making any noise at all during the course of the morning... strange thing indeed.
After a soothing bath that sprung me into life again I came out of the bathroom, athin mist following me as I went through the door and headed towards my bedroom. For some reason I decided to put on some Graveworm (german metal band) while I took a bath, because I just felt like listening to it. Now graverworm's peculiarity is that their singer almost always starts each song with a looooong eerie scream. What does this have to do with everything, you may ask. Read on.
As I came into my bedroom, minding my own business, thinking about the things I had to do later in the day I was suddenly shocked by a high pitched long scream, much like graveworm's, the only difference was that it came from my little cousin, and it sounded something like "CHARIZAAAAAAAAAAR!!!!!!!". Now, you may not think this was anything to worry about, except for the fact that the little bastard has somehow found a lighter and a can of deodorant and somehow put them both together, creating a fireball so huge, it blinded me. "HOLY FUCKING SHIT! YOU LITTLE CUNT! YOU COULD HAVE BURNED MY NUTS YOU LITTLE SHITSTAIN!!!!- I shouted as the charred remains of my arm hair lingered in the air.
Completely numb with anger, I grabbed the kid by his legs and proceeded to walk slowly to the window with my mind set on chucking the little bastard out the window, when the kid probably put my words together and hit me in the nuts. With great pain, it jerked up, only to find the windowsill. I don't know how much time I just laid there, but after much though I have com to the conclusion that I got owned by a five year old kid (and that I'm not prepared at all to have any kids of my own...).
I just thank whoever is up (or down, or wherever) there made the kid turn on the gameboy and let my unconscious body lying in the ground, with no more damage resulting from the incident.
END.
User Reviews
Submitted by ParoxysmalHolocaust (user info) at 2004-02-06 20:57:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Graveworm fucking owns
good post
Submitted by PWNstar (user info) at 2004-02-05 21:19:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
In this instance, you hold your nuts with one hand, and hold the fucker down with the other.
You then mutter, in fragments, "As soon as I can stand, I'm kicking your ass". Well, thats what I did with MY little brother when he hit me in the nuts.
Submitted by andras (user info) at 2004-02-05 21:07:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"With great pain, it jerked up,"
Thats supposed to say "I jerked up" otherwise it sounds kinda weird...
god I have to start reading the posts carefully before I submit them...
Submitted by Falconer (user info) at 2004-02-03 18:35:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2004-02-03 12:15:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
super
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2004-02-03 09:11:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am so glad I don't have any kids of my own
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-02-03 00:01:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hehehe, CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARIZAAAAAR!!!
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-02-03 00:00:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Reading this, I just KNOW it really happened. I'd have put that kid in the oven and showed him the real heat.
Submitted by laurenthepirate (user info) at 2004-02-02 23:06:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"CHARIZAAAAAAAAAAR!!!!!!!"
Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2004-02-02 23:06:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
CHARIZAAAAR!
Submitted by Christ (user info) at 2004-02-02 22:56:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by finkboy21 (user info) at 2004-02-02 22:22:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha... dang pokemon
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2004-02-02 22:16:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
" I grabbed the kid by his legs and proceeded to walk slowly to the window with my mind set on chucking the little bastard out the window"
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Thank you for your patronage.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-02-02 22:03:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dare you defenestrate our youth?