The BK Ring (417 hits)
Category: Business & FinancialRating: 0.25 on 5 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Brad Erdman <xeno_wolf.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-02-03 00:52:59 EST
We all know that Burger King is a giant fast-food restaurant chain, which serves millions of bloated, high-cholesterol afflicted individuals each year. We know that thier burgers are flame broiled, and have more meat after cooking than thier leading competitors. Burger King has build a very successful business over the last couple of decades. That, none of us can deny.
Deep inside the heart of the Burger King Corporation is a dark, horrifying secret. No, it's something much worse than the fact that they, along with thier competitors, are the main source of Americas' rising obesity problem. It's worse than the fact that they always seem to run out of apple pies when you want one so despirately. Now the story shall be told, the secret unvieled:
Inside the thick, dangerous jungles of Columbia lies the secret of Burger King. You may be asking yourself: "Why, yes I do enjoy thier delicious coffee, but that's no secret!" You are mistaken, because it is not this product of Columbia in which I am referring to. You see, employees work day and night in the hot, sticky Columbian jungles for the King. What do they do there you may ask? Well, the answer is simple:
Burger King is building the largest and most stealthy cocaine ring in American history.
It's true. Columbia is well known for thier evil, drug-ritten exports. You'd think that we'd see it coming, but we don't. Burger King has found a way to exploit all of the fresh, uncut cocaine in the Columbian region. They have found the perfect way to get the American public slowly attatched and dependant on this white crystaline substance. Let me explain...
You walk into your local Burger King. You ask yourself: "How do I want it today?" (As it's always your way, that's the rule.) You may order a Whopper, a Double Whopper, a Bacon Cheeseburger or simply some Chicken Nuggets. No matter what you order though, you always have the urge to order a side of french fries along with it.
Look closely at how your french fries are prepared next time you order, assuming you still do decide to after finishing this. You'll notice that first, frozen sticks of golden potato rods are thrust into a vat of boiling hot lava. Nothing seems out of place quite yet. You then see that the fries are brought back from thier ecscrutiatingly painful torture only to be hung in the air to let dry. Still nothing wrong, right? Well, the next step in the fry-preparation is what you really need to keep an eye on. The simple-minded, greasy employee ALWAYS walks over to the suspended fries and picks up a cylindrical shaped glass container. What could possibly be in this container? Salt you say! Hah! You ignorant fool, you may think that this is simply salt, but in reality it is finely ground cocaine being sprinked overtop of your golden, delicious, greasy sticks of potato.
Why would anyone possibly do such a vile and hanest act against the populous of one of the largest nations on Earth? In this land, money is god, that is why. Cocaine is possibly the most profitable substances you could imagine right now, and Burger King knows this as well. They are slowly releasing tiny, almost un-noticeable amounts of cocaine into the American population, in hopes of slowly but surely addicting each and every one of us into depending on thier drug-ritten food. What else could you do when you start to develop drug withdrawl symptoms? You are forced to go to Burger King to get a hit, or a fix, depending on what the kids will call it.
The addiction will reach the highest levels of our government eventually, as it's so stealthy nobody will realize it until it is way too late. Bills will be introduced into the Congress detailing a plan for legalized cocaine imports. The President himself, also addicted, will have no other choice but to sign this into law, thus beginning the largest importation and sales of cocaine ever in American history. Burger King, already having a foot well-planted into the business will no doubt take a considerable lead over everyone else that attempts to defy them. They will rule America with an iron fist, be the richest corporation imaginable, and be able to control our every thought and movement at whim. This my readers, is Armageddon.
Who could possibly have thought of such a brilliant, yet diabolical plan to take over the world? It's so blatenly obvious. Only one man could possibly lead Burger King to world domination:
'The Burger King'
'The Burger King', who's real name (assuming he has one) is still unknown, will be our new leader and dictator. Democracy will be destroyed in favor of a new Burger King Monarchy where the Burger King himself will no doubt sit next to the most beautiful woman (or women) in the world on the throne. Taxes will skyrocket, and any money that is not used for taxes will be used to feed our ever-growing addiction to greasy, cocaine covered fries.
Fight the good fight! Don't let Burger King take control of us and destroy the world as we know it! Take control of your own life and lead us all into battle against the largest threat to man ever known, and above all: Eat Fresh!
User Reviews
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2004-02-03 14:03:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
hmmmm..... cocaine in food to addict the nation, not bad, but i would have chosen heroin, the withdrawl symptoms are absolutely brutal.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-02-03 11:35:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
if only they'd make pot brownie sundaes.
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2004-02-03 01:25:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
The cocaine would be easy to taste in the fries. Other than that this was entertaining.
Submitted by XenoWolf (user info) at 2004-02-03 01:19:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It was meant to be rediculous.. what do you think im crazy? CRAZY LIKE A FOX! HAHAHAHAH!
Submitted by Tastycat (user info) at 2004-02-03 01:03:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
That is the most Rdiculous thing I'e ever heard. It's not in the food, they push the drugs through the hoodrat drug dealers that invariably hang out there.