STREETPUNK'S Romantic Run-In With The Law (1062 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.86 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Stan<juggalo44.at.mad.scientist.com> (View user info) at 2004-02-03 13:22:11 EST
How many of you in the Uberverse can say that, through the help of an officer of the law, got laid? Raise your hands......Anyone? I didn't think so. If someone were to come to me and say,
"STREETPUNK, I am a psychic and you will get laid through the support of the Plano, Tx police department."
I would have blown out their grill for speaking such atrocious talk. Cops = bad guys. Cock blockers also = bad guys. Cops are on the same side as the cock blockers. They are all bad......or so I thought.
I had met a girl at work while working overtime. She was a punk rock chick that was wearing a Guttermouth t-shirt because it was Saturday. I was wearing my Quincy Punks t-shirt. We started talking, I gave her my email address, and the following Friday, I was asking her out for a drink. She accepted. 10 o'clock PM came around and I had made my way out to Plano, not really knowing what to expect. I pull up to her house and I, like the stickler for time I am, was not one minute late or early. For any jackasses in the room, that means I was on time.
Anyway, we go to a pub called Dubliner's. We are both Irish, so what the fuck, right? We have a great time. I have never met a girl that I connected with like this. We talked and talked, while drinking, all the way up until closing. I had a few but knew I had a drive to make, but I bought her as many as she wanted. We went through a pretty hefty amount Long Island Ice Tea's and at closing time, we made our way back to the car.
As we were leaving the Lower Greenville area of Dallas, she started spilling her guts to me about her entire life story, which we won't get into now. She was very drunk, though. As we got back into Plano, about 2-3 blocks from her house, she asked me to pull over because she had to spill her guts again, but not in the good and personal way. It was more like the literal, puking her guts out kind of way. I pulled to the side and she started vomitting. Now, I do not know why I am such a cop magnet but one happened to drive by as she was puking out of her window. I see the blue and red flashing lights in the background. Cops love me!
Well, I felt good about this scenario and I did not know why. The cop came up to my car and asked if everything was ok. I told her we were fine. I said that my riding partner, no pun intended, had a little too much to drink but me; being the responsible citizen that I am, had refrained from drinking too much because of my obligation to operate heavy machinery. She ran my license and my date and I sat in the car.
"Oh God, I hope I don't get you in trouble. I am so sorry!!" she said.
"Naw, don't worry about it. We're cool."
The officer came back and asked me to step out of the car.
"Ok, you have been honest and polite with me this evening. You have been handling yourself well, so let me tell you what, I am going to give you a sobriety test. If you fail it, you will not be taken to jail or arrested. I just want to make sure you have a safe ride home. Now, I want you to follow this pen with your eyes only and not your head. Even if I go out of range, I want you to only follow it with your eyes."
I watched the pen go back and forth and I followed it with much ease. She finished the test and said,
"Ok, everything looks good here. I do, however, want you to go somewhere and hang out for another hour or two and drink a little bit of coffee before heading back to Denton, just to make sure."
About this time, I hear my date from the car say,
"It's ok officer, he can just spend the night with me."
I quickly extended my hand a said the most grateful and heart felt, "Thank you," that I have ever said in my life and then I proceeded to jump in the car and virtually flew back to her house, not leaving until the next morning around 9-10 am. I must say, not all cops are pigs and not all pigs need to be served fried.
Peace,
STREETPUNK
User Reviews
Submitted by BonesForBucks (user info) at 2004-04-19 08:56:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't know how I missed this the first time it came up.
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2004-02-04 22:51:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cool fucking story, bro. Also, my dad's company did a retrofit of the HVAC at that big ass Peterbilt plant there, so I spent a summer in Denton, and let me tell you, Texans are kick ass folks. I never believed the old "115 degrees in the shade" statement until I went there, though.
Submitted by Suko <theminorsnyc.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-02-04 22:38:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
good writing, honestly...BUT HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU CALL YOURSELF STREETPUNK AND LIKE GUTTERMOUTH.
jesus.
Submitted by LucidCognition (user info) at 2004-02-04 00:52:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hah, that was fucking great.
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2004-02-03 20:52:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh shit dude, do you live in Denton? I live in Denton! Well my dad does, but I've "lived" in Denton for 10 years now. Yay! for Denton.
Submitted by Lucifer_Industries (user info) at 2004-02-03 18:35:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have nothing to add.
Malone
Submitted by cf7 at 2004-02-03 18:13:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hooray for bacon!!
Submitted by Dlove (user info) at 2004-02-03 14:33:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 for a pretty good story.
-1 cause you didn't mention where she brushed her teeth or gargled some mouthwash after yacking and before you gave the lady her 2nd ride of the night.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-02-03 13:58:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a dog, I'll admit that, but I don't think I coulda gone through with it after seeing her dinner return to the world the hard way.
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If your a real dawg you would have no problem. Nice work on getting a girl drunk and more willing to your advances. It always works for me.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-02-03 13:44:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
better living through chemistry
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2004-02-03 13:43:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So after she puked for the nth time you went back to her house and did the nasty? I'm a dog, I'll admit that, but I don't think I coulda gone through with it after seeing her dinner return to the world the hard way.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-02-03 13:43:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the opposite of a cock blocker is what? a wingman? you got a cop as a wingman.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2004-02-03 13:37:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nice
Submitted by Natophelia (user info) at 2004-02-03 13:36:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Whoohooo!! I'm doin a little happy dance for ya!
He got some OH YEAH *shakeshake* yeah yeah he got soooome
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-02-03 13:31:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm glad that 5-0 gave a little back to you Punkster. Good on ya!
Submitted by PukingDog (user info) at 2004-02-03 13:29:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Good
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-02-03 13:27:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
amen brother.
I'm gonna work on getting pulled over with chicks in the car.