Chewing gum or pubic hair? (1456 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: 1 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Brad Erdman <xeno_wolf.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-02-04 02:01:03 EST
Whether or not all of us men will admit it, we've had to make split-second decisions at the urinal. When you have to take a piss bad enough your usually dropping the barn door while your walking through the door, and not worrying about what condition the urinal is currently in. That is... until you reach the urinal.
Often I've been plauged by the simple question, 'Should I switch urinals? Holy shit this is disgusting!' Today was such a day.
I strolled into the one of four bathrooms at the warehouse I work in, and really had to piss. Now as I said, the bathroom was deserted so I made the move to open the bomb bay before I even came close to the urinal. Then as I went to begin, I looked down to see this wierd, lumpy, white cancer staring me back in the face. It shot through me quickly, almost making me throw up on sight. It was a large piece of gum clinging to the bottom of the urinal. Now gum itself is not disgusting, but the thought of this gum in the urinal, and the (not by my choice) thoughts of someone chewing this gum after it's been in here got to me.
I started to think:
"Shit, I can't stare at the the entire time I'm pissing!"
"Wait.. I could use this urinal" (Looking to the adjacent facility)
"Crap, what if someone walks in right as I'm making my move?"
"Ah fuck, go for it!"
I made my move. I dived from across the barely-helpful plastic seperator bolted against the bathroom wall and was promptly met face to face with another co-worker whom decided to stealthily enter the bathroom while I was deep in thought. Now imagine: Your at work. Your ready to take a piss, so your tool has come out of the shed and is now ready to fire at will. You make a split second decision to switch targets and suddenly your radar becomes jammed halfway between. Your staring the enemy in the face, and your third eye is taking a good look at thier feet.
We looked at each other akwardly, and all I could muster to say was 'Uh.. gum'. He gave me a wierd look, then looked at the urinal behind me, nodded and moved aside. Embarassed as hell I waddled over to the urinal which was my intention to face in the first place, and just stared at the wall for a second. Not even realizing the consequences of what could come, I looked down again. Something much worse than gum was staring back at me this time, something much worse indeed. In THIS urinal sat a single, lonely, stubby pubic hair, who's source was unknown. The embarassment was thrust aside as I stood pondering this new crisis. Men really don't like the idea of another man's pubic hair getting within inches of thier own.
"Who the hell? What disgusting bastard did this!"
"How does a fucking pubic hair just jump out of your pants and land perfectly on the edge of the urinal?"
"How could you not notice it!?"
I had to swallow my pride and just do what a man had to do. I releaved myself while staring at the wall, thinking of cute puppy dogs and candy canes. I think the co-worker who had started his own oil change next to me tried to strike up a conversation, but by this time I was so confused and scared that I really didn't notice. When finished I quickly zipped up, washed my hands and ran, fast as the wind, out through the door to continue working like nothing had ever happened. I'll have to try and hold it in next time.. fuck it.
This is how I was forced to choose between chewing gum or a pubic hair... god I hate public bathrooms.
User Reviews
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-02-04 16:10:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
What's the big deal...
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-02-04 15:32:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I would have chosen the pube....for target practice.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Zipperooni. OH OOOH YAH! Urinal cake eroding, eroding, eroding, GONE!
--Homer Simpson
HOMR
Submitted by K420 (user info) at 2004-02-04 13:22:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"How does a fucking pubic hair just jump out of your pants and land perfectly on the edge of the urinal?"
hahaha
Submitted by kungpow <digger.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-02-04 09:29:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"I would have just started masturbating furiously until the urge to pee disappeared."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. HA!
Submitted by Trout (user info) at 2004-02-04 08:01:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You're pissing on it for christs sake.
What does it matter what it is?
Jesus.
Submitted by amusediniraq (user info) at 2004-02-04 03:40:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Dude, you are way too uptight about this. But it made for a decent story.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-02-04 03:34:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i choose the pubic hair.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-02-04 02:58:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why do I completely trust that KoolMang is telling the truth?
Submitted by XenoWolf (user info) at 2004-02-04 02:51:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow, that was just wrong mang... very wrong.
Submitted by Falconer (user info) at 2004-02-04 02:47:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Should have stuck with the gum.
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-02-04 02:42:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sometimes when I'm bored, I yank out pubic hair (it seems to come out easily, yet always plentiful), and I chew it. Yum!
Submitted by Lucifer_Industries (user info) at 2004-02-04 02:17:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I would have just started masturbating furiously until the urge to pee disappeared.
Malone
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-02-04 02:16:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm somehow more disconcerted that you thought of puppies and cany canes whilst peeing than either the pube or the gum.
Talk about horribly located pubes: I found one on my pillow a few days ago.
Submitted by CowTipper (user info) at 2004-02-04 02:05:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I HATE urinals. Especially the ones without the privacy walls where you have to stare straight forward like the cure for cancer is written on the wall in front of you.