Warp speed off the edge of a cliff (445 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.11 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Fleadh <fleadh1.at.eircom.net> (View user info) at 2004-02-04 10:48:29 EST
This is a tale to Illustrate why they should have 24-hour security in dangerous places like quarries. Near where I grew up there is massive roadstone quarry where we used to hangout when we were young and stupid. Near the main refining area there are huge silos with massive conveyer belts that bring the stone to where it needs to go. One sunny day while out walking with some friends I noticed the rubber belt part of a huge conveyor had long since perished leaving essentially a big fricking playground type slide. Th conveyor ran from the top of a 4 story high silo down to the edge of a cliff-face. Looking over the edge I noticed that at the bottom of the cliff was a sizeable gravel pile. So suddenly a large insane bulb appears over my head and I frantically look around. Lo and behold, as if the gods were watching, there, about 20 meters away, was a plastic chair with the legs broken off. I thanked the gods of stupid stunts aloud. In fairness what are the odds of finding a prefect-sliding device right beside a perfectly suicidal slide?
So into the silo I go and clamber up the ladder with my legless chair. My 2 friends are sitting at the edge of the cliff with the emergency services phone number ready to dial. I reach the top, clamber out and look down at my fate.
***its at this point I realise how fucking stupid I am***
Ahhhh holy crap, This slide is much much steeper then it had looked like from below. All I could see before me was a really really steep slope (about 50 degrees) that ended in oblivion. Chickening out now simply was not an option as to bail at that moment would brand me a pussy for the rest of eternity. The lads were looking onwards and had already told me that the plan was stupid. Some things just have to be done. I carefully placed the legless seat on the top of the conveyor belt. In doing so I knocked a few buts of debris down the shoot. I had to exercise great sphincter control when I saw how fast the debris hurtled down the slide and off the edge into oblivion. What scared me the most is how far the debris shot outwards when it left the slide. I reasoned that no matter how fast I went laws of physics dictated that I would land on the top of the rubble pile. Then again I'm mathematically retarded. So I sat on the seat and doing a bit of an ass shuffle I moved myself into position and pushed off.
Holy mother-of-fucking-god, I went at warp speed. I honestly had no idea I could possibly be going so fast. Many many emotions went through me finally settling on blind panic when I realised that I was going to shoot off the end of the conveyor belt and off the edge of a FUCKING CLIFF at mach 5. Suddenly I was airborne. Because of the angle of descent I was facing slightly downwards so could see what I was ploughing into. The top of the gravel pile seemed so far away and at this point I seemed to be travelling really slowly but that was just that whole resigning yourself to the fact your fucked slow-mo thing. As the Gravel pile came closer it suddenly dawned on me that there is something called perspective. Things far away look smaller then they really are. The stuff that looks like gravel from the top of the cliff looks more and more like big fist sized rocks. A new unheard of level of blind panic sets in when I realise I'm going to hit a big pile of sharp rocks at a ridiculously high speed.
I hit the top of the pile and tumbled down. At the bottom of the pile I lay there in agony. I looked at my legs and hands and elbows. Blood everywhere, I could see my shinbone in places. The lads rushed to my aid but I didn't need any stinking aid. I pushed them away and tried to stand. It was excruciatingly painfull. I hopped around effing and blinding. Nothing was broken. I was gonna have to do some serious bandaging and was probably gonna loose a pint or two on the way home but that's the price you have to pay. I remember one of my friends at that point saying "You do know you're a fucking idiot yea?" I wish I had said something cool at that point, but I didn't, I just told him to fuck himself and concentrated on not passing out.
User Reviews
Submitted by korthrun (user info) at 2004-02-04 17:34:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No. Fucking wrong. This is not why they should ahve security guards. You should have died.
We complain about all these idiots all around us, then we take measures to be sure they don't get hurt/stay alive.
Some dumbshit turned his garbage disposal on with his hand in it? Lets make it building code the the switch cannot be within an arms length of the disposal.
Some fucking kids keep busting thier heads open diving off the high point of this waterfall, obviously dangerous, when there are safe and equally fun (only 10 feet lower) places to jump just below? Lets dam that branch of the river so theres no water, no waterfall, no great camping spot.
Nobody can look at the street lamps, and wait till it is green in the direction they want to cross the street, then wait to be sure no one is making a left turn, and then walk? Lets put stupid little lights on the crosswalks.
No reason to put security guards. Next time try not to live.
Korth
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2004-02-04 17:17:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Homer: Dig him up!!! Dig up that corpse! If you really love
Jebediah Springfield, you'll haul his bones out of the ground
to prove my daughter wrong! Dig up his grave! Pull out his
tongue!
Quimby: Can't we have one meeting that doesn't end with us digging up
a corpse?
Submitted by MisterCeltic (user info) at 2004-02-04 16:44:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good on ya, stupid stunts make the world go round. I have no doubt being the good Irish lad you are that you quickly replaced the lost pint at a local. Cheers.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-02-04 16:35:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Painful, but funny!
And a phantom plus two for this:
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Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-02-04 16:28:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/24853
I stole from you.
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Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-02-04 15:06:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
Can I steal from your post?
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Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-02-04 16:28:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/24853
I stole from you.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-02-04 15:06:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Can I steal from your post?
Submitted by Lucifer_Industries (user info) at 2004-02-04 13:45:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this. Pay no attention to Kingfreakingkong, he's a dumbfuck who throws -2's around like nothing and gives little explaination for them.
MALONE
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-02-04 12:18:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you are crazy.
Submitted by Fleadh (user info) at 2004-02-04 12:02:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Prey tell why would I have put that at the start of the post kingdongtwat?
C
Submitted by KingFreakingKong (user info) at 2004-02-04 11:34:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"***its at this point I realise how fucking stupid I am*** "
You should put that at the beginning of your post.
Submitted by vtraver <clagrand.at.mail.com> at 2004-02-04 11:33:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You do know you're a fucking idiot yea?