Uberpost2004: How to ruin a prosthetic hip in four days or less. (682 hits)
Category: PoliticsRating: 1.66 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Phinch <mrthongtoyou.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-02-04 16:03:57 EST
Naked, lying in a pool of my own vomit. I just hope I was able to obtain the points. If I die now, it will all be for nothing.
My shattered coxal articulation was just the beginning of the end. The first time I broke my hip, it wasn't a great victory, I won the tournament and went home a national hero.
After the surgery, things started to look up. A light weight, surgical steel replacement had been installed with out any problems. Four months of physical therapy with Sid, and I was back up to training with my coach every day.
As I fade in and out of consciousness, I can't help but think that I hope that it was worth it. I hope that ending up here bleeding with a shattered replacement hip bone, six broken ribs and a piece of rebar protruding from my chest is enough for my country.
Decades ago, Johnny Knoxville was elected president and the world leaders outlawed war. Countries have to settle disputes by the severity of the stunts. In the old days, there were many variations of the games that countries could send their bravest and most courageous 'stuntaz warriors' to represent the honor of their countries.
Peace was created. The Irish Republican Army sent a stuntaz warrior to England to race shopping carts on the freeway. Palestinian-Israeli conflict was settle in 3 hours as stuntaz warriors each stapled a live Alaskan king crab to their own genitalia.
As time went on, rules were made; rules were broken. The rule that has always prevailed above the others has been if the stuntaz warrior dies during the stuntaz, he loses. Should both stuntaz warriors die, a new stuntaz must be performed.
I figured if I could stay conscious for another hour. Theres no way the stuntaz warrior from Bosnia will last that long. He did the quarry slide with a plastic chair into a pile of volcanic rock and shards of glass. I elected to go naked on a slick garbage can lid into a pile of construction and medical waste.
The Bosnian is good, the speed from the chair had him going much faster than me, but his choice of landing only had him very cut up and I figure he hasn't got more than 4 broken ribs, and a couple of good lacerations.
I've got a punctured lung and Judging by the blood I just pissed, a damaged kidney. The judging will be close on this one.
If I die, my country will be defeated, and they will hold the World Ice Skating Championships in Sarajevo, instead of Utah.
So, you want to know how to ruin a prosthetic hip in four days or less? Join up at your nation's Stuntaz Warrior Recruitment Center today.
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To write this post, I've stolen ideas from Shandythedog and Fleadh. And of course Gascs.
This post is an entry in UberPost2004. Understand that a review for this post counts as criteria for the judgment of the contest. Only ratings from registered users will be counted. Only the first rating from each user will be counted. Ratings will be accepted for the contest until Monday, February 9, at 11:59:59 pm.
User Reviews
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-02-07 22:18:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the names of some of the stunt manoevers made me laugh out loud, especialy the nude garbage can lid slide into medical waste.
a nice droll tone througout.
not guilty of idea theft, you have definitely taken your own direction
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-02-06 01:49:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the pic alone, but good story, too.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-02-05 13:41:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good lucka nd god speed.
Submitted by Kracka (user info) at 2004-02-04 18:09:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i've fallen and i can't get up.
what?
good one phinch
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-02-04 17:28:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What beautiful imagery.
Submitted by Zod (user info) at 2004-02-04 17:14:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha, poorly photoshopped is an understatement, and I can only say that because you're never seen any of my work...because it doesn't exist.
This story is scary because I can definately see Jonny Knoxville being elected into office. Look at our country and tell me that its impossible. Tell me. Huh? Huh? I dare you!
Submitted by PukingDog (user info) at 2004-02-04 16:36:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Too short! +2 +2 +2 +2 for creativity...
Submitted by Smurfs (user info) at 2004-02-04 16:26:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"The pic is a poorly photoshopped broken prosthetic hip. Uh... with a flag. "
hahahahahaha
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2004-02-04 16:24:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
hmmmm...
Submitted by Falconer (user info) at 2004-02-04 16:23:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-02-04 16:19:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks you WQP, V, AII, and Y. (and to a lesser degree, thanks FB too.)
RJ, who are you?
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-02-04 16:15:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
L. O. L.
How the hell can we expect to compete with Phinch?
HOW!?
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-02-04 16:15:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was absolute GOLD Phinch. Hehe. I wonder if that's really what it would be like if Johnny Knoxville became president...just some mindless ponderings.
I was laughing the entire time I read this. Nice work!
:-)
Phoenix
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-02-04 16:13:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Sorry, I didn't like it that much.
It wouldn't let me log in before.
Submitted by amusediniraq (user info) at 2004-02-04 16:12:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
JACKASS!
Good stuff and good luck.
I just got slammed again, I am so misunderstood.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-02-04 16:11:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The pic is a poorly photoshopped broken prosthetic hip. Uh... with a flag.
Submitted by fingerbang (user info) at 2004-02-04 16:11:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
would have gave you a +2 but you added the fact that you stole some of your ideas. Good story though
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-02-04 16:11:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Sorry, I didn't like it that much.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-02-04 16:08:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahah, good stuff.... wtf is that pic?