Beer Before Liquor, Never Been Sicker (5978 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -0.14 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by cnympho247 (View user info) at 2004-02-04 17:10:26 EST
Have you ever got drunk before because of stupidity? Well, my friends and I did (or known as "The Three Amigos").
We knew of the rule that if you are going to take shots of anything you should do it before starting your rounds of beer. In this case, we completely forgot and started our rounds of beer down at a University of Pittsburgh party. First of all, we didn't know they were giving shots of
Amaretto and Bacardi 151. Before I knew it, I already drank 3 beers in a matter of an hour to two. Usually I sober up pretty quick for being a lightweight but this time wasn't the case. One of my friends tried a 'car bomb' or what they called A Flaming Dr. Pepper. Now this friend is adventurous and impulsive so he was like "damn I want to try that." So me and my other friend took a picture of him being a dare devil. A flaming Dr. Pepper for those who don't know contains ¾ amaretto and ¼ 151. You light it on fire in the shot glass and drop it into a glass of beer and chug it. The point was to have a Dr. Pepper after-taste.
Anyways, after my best friend at college and I got shit-faced off of beer, we decided to take some shots. Bad idea. Yes, I know, idiots from already drinking Keystone Light. I had 2 or 3 shots of 151 and a shot of amaretto. After this and the chaser of beer, I started feeling the affects horribly. As for my friend, she had amaretto and many shots of 151. Our sober one* for the night and me told her that is enough we know you are feeling drunk. But the guy who lived in the house poured some 151 and said "Oops! I didn't wanna do that!" My drunk-off-her-ass friend busted out saying hey I'll take it! That did it for her. Our designated sober one (not by choice)*, took her beer from her and said (insert name)* that's it your done lay down. She started asking us if she was sitting still while swaying like a row boat full of Cubans. As for me I was happy and started feeling frisky. But by the time I started laughing uncontrollably and slurring my words, the sober one* took my beer from me. And told me I was done, no more or I'll pass out. He also kept telling us to relax and not to fall asleep.
After he finished his beer, we left and he was the one taking extra special care of us. We didn't even make it 25 feet before my friend* threw up in the grass, and we were making sure cops didn't see us. She called a cab and was determined that it was going to come, but it never did. We're walking around Oakland trying to sober up and find a way back because we were determined not to walk back and end up on the parkway like the previous week. Our sober one* was holding onto us and making sure we were feeling better. Since my friend was developing the normal effects of beer, the being attracted to everyone in sight, she told the sober one* who was wearing a smooth silk shirt that he smelled good. And then the next thing I knew she blurted out, "I know why C(fill the rest in)* loves you, its cause you're a good, nice, strong, Catholic, Italian, wrestler boy." Now, I still knew what was going on but when she said this, I was terribly horrified from the fact he may take it seriously when it wasn't true yet. (A couple days, later, I was asked if that was true, and you know what my reply was.....You believe her she was drunk at the time.) Anyways, back to the story, we finally took a bus back. Most of us were starting to sober up but not by much. During our trip back to our University, my drunk-off-her-ass friend* started to throw up, but instead of letting it go and the driver would have a mess to clean up, she held it in her mouth. All I remember is the sober one* and me were shocked because we would never have the audacity to hold it in our mouths for 10 minutes. We were both proud of her while at the same time being disgusted. During this, she was also signing the word, BEER, while pointing to her beer-inflated cheeks. Once we got off, she let it out and threw up more by the bus stop pavilion. The girl on our floor took care of her, while the sober one* took care of me again, but my drunk ass lost my shoe and he ran across the street to get it for me.
Now here's the part which is slightly vague because none of us really remember it too much. I know that we had to be extra especially careful going back into our dorm. The girl that was taking care of my friend swiped two cards, my friend's and hers. The lady at the desk ran after her, and I remember thinking ahh shit that's it we're done for. I'll start with her ending story first. She came back to the room, passed out, and woke up to throwing up dozens of more times.
Me - heh....I went back to the sober one's* room because I needed somewhere to sleep. My ex-roommate had her boyfriend coming up for the weekend and staying in the room so there was no way I was going to be there with them sleeping in the same bed and them fucking with me in the room. Sorry wasn't going to happen. Earlier that night, I had planned to stay in his room. Well, anyways, I laid down on his bed and tried to fall asleep but it wasn't happening. As I began to get a bit nauseated, I decided to sit up. Fucking worse idea I ever did while being drunk. I started to feel that feeling when its stuck in your throat and you're like ahh fuck its coming up. So, I informed him that I was about to vomit. He gave me his pants and said hurry go in the bathroom. This bathroom is an all guys bathroom by the way. Well, I tried to hold in real quick but I threw up outside his room door and I felt horrible afterwards because he cleaned it up for me. So here I am trying to hold pants two times bigger than my waist on, holding the vomit in, and opening the door. Well as we all know you can do two things at once but not three and especially when you're drunk. I lost grip on my pants while trying to open the door, and this guy came around the corner to see me in my guy's pants* around my ankles in a thong and bare butt cheeks showing. I vaguely recall the guy saying "What the fuck was that." For me this was embarrassing after the fact. At the time you don't care because you're already embarrassed for throwing up and not holding your liquor. But I successfully threw up the rest in the bathroom. When I turned around, all I saw was the RA for that floor standing behind me. As from there I don't remember anything that happened. I honestly don't know if I woke up in my room or my guy's. All I do remember is having a massive hangover.
Moral ---- Beer Before Liquor, Never Been Sicker. Liquor Before Beer, You're In the Clear :-)
(* = for privacy purposes)
User Reviews
Submitted by BillyBobbie at 2004-09-01 03:32:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yay Kicker of all ass yay lets get some ass you know what I am saying
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-03-29 15:15:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Whoever posted that last review is a fucking moron.
Of course those drinks are for pussies. The author is a girl, dumbass. How dense can you be?
Submitted by sosjtb1999 (user info) at 2004-03-26 17:53:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
First of all Keystone Light? Thats for pussies. Amaretto, well, thats for real big pussies. Yous need a babysitter when you're drunk? You're a fucking idiot.
Submitted by harry caray <harry24.at.aol.com> at 2004-03-23 00:18:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I just can't believe you drank 3 beers in a matter of an hour or two before you went out! That's great, even for a 3rd grader! this honestly had to be the first time you've ever drank. not to mention that you clearly have no idea what you're talking about as far as drinks go. all you talked about was how you and your friends threw up. its fucking COLLEGE. OF COURSE YOU THREW UP. IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. clearly a loser. keep your shitfests to yourself, cuz honestly no one else cares.
Submitted by gascs (user info) at 2004-02-11 17:08:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Do you go to school in Pgh?
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-02-09 16:27:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So wait, the theory is that if you don't like the way I review your story, you go onto my post about drinking and minus two it arbitrarily? Gotcha.
Furthermore, you can still be a pussy and female. Insults don't need to be gender specific. A pussy is generally a wus unable to cope, or a whiny bitch. I can see both characteristics in you. Congratulations! You win.
Plus two because you need it and you sound about 12.
Submitted by cnympho247 (user info) at 2004-02-05 01:04:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Being I'm a female....why wouldnt I drink a girlie drink and it was the only thing they fucking had you two assoles, BLITZKREIG_BOB and AlwaysanEagle.
Also....BLITZKREIG_BOB before you post a review maybe you should try writing something your damn as self. Cause I'd be so glad to -2 you until my hearts content. And by the way, the only reason it was long is cause it was a long eventful night, and everything was completely true.
Your sex goddess has swept away.
Submitted by Ashley at 2004-02-05 01:03:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck off everyone, I was there. It may be a girlie drink but: A- We are girls (2 of us anyway)! B- It's all that was there. So, get a life. It was one fucking awesome night (for reasons excluded from the story). Get a fucking life and stop being parasites living off ours and then tearing it down.
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2004-02-04 23:40:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I stopped at "three amigos"
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-02-04 23:23:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
First of all, take it from a female..."drinking Keystone Light" is problem number one. Pussy.
Second of all, this post was way too long for what it was, and by "what it was" I mean total crap.
Submitted by ProfessorSassHat (user info) at 2004-02-04 22:26:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
i've heard better... way better
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-02-04 21:55:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
-1 For making it sound like the first time you ever drank
-1 For mentioning Pitt
-1 For drinking Keystone Light (girlie)
-1 For drinking Amaretto (girlie)
-1 Because you're a good, nice, strong, Catholic, Italian, wrestler boy
-1 For waiting until the end of the night to puke (You shoulda hit the ol' reset button around midnight to make room for more...you'll learn that trick)
Moral ---- Beer Before Liquor, Never Been Sicker. Liquor Before Beer, You're just plain queer.
Submitted by Lord_of_the_Drink (user info) at 2004-02-04 21:02:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought a flaming doctor pepper had jager in it?
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2004-02-04 19:35:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Wein auf Bier, das rat' ich dir; Bier auf Wein das lasse sein.
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2004-02-04 19:23:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"Beer Before Liquor, Never Been Sicker. Liquor Before Beer, You're In the Clear."
Fucking unoriginal.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-02-04 18:55:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmmmm.... sounds like one hell of a night
Submitted by DivineAngel <gtashorty.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-02-04 18:30:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I have been there many times drink and puking. Good story nonetheless. The only thing is a Flaming Dr Pepper and Car bomb are 2 different things. A Car bomb is a small glass filled with Ginnuse and a shot of bailey's. YOu drop the shot in the glass and chug it. It tastes kinda like chocolate milk. But if you don't drink it fast enough the bailey's curdles. Not good.
Submitted by fingerbang (user info) at 2004-02-04 17:34:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
three wisemen was my 21st doeriner too. That shit is nasty
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-02-04 17:21:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Flaming Dr. Peppers can get you FUCKED UP. As can The Three Wisemen which my wonderful friends *promised* me I'd like when they took me out on my 21st.
:::incoherent mumblings:::...assholes
You know, it's sad that I turned 21 only about 5 months ago and I'm already thinking about quitting drinking.
:-)
Phoenix
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2004-02-04 17:20:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
one of my *ahem* pastimes is going to the local bar... I have a collection of "bar poetry" you should write some too... it's theraputic, and everyone knows that most of the great writers were alcoholics anyways.
Submitted by Lucifer_Industries (user info) at 2004-02-04 17:12:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I had a drink once.
Malone