Roanoke Saga, Continued (441 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 2 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <daswk.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-02-05 10:01:53 EST
This is a continuation on the story of my recent trip to Roanoke, the first part, pretty long can be viewed here http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1075913349421516908
After the Sheetz escapade we were all tired and ready to hit the sack. We pull the standard two people go in to get the room while the rest of us wait in the wait in the car. I take the time in the car to look around and get better aquatinted with the surroundings. It is dark, damp, scary, and cheap. Great, after all the shit that has already happened I don't want to put up with some shit that my friends my start.
They have the annoying habit of always finding a way to piss people in the area off to the point of physical violence. Such as blasting Jungle Love deep in the city of Atlanta in the middle of a Friday night or walking into a bathroom where two gay men were "getting it on" and asking them if they had any lotion for his chapped hands, just the small kind of stuff that could get you shot, or worse.
Now, it's not that I don't like to drop the occasional elbow on some randoms that think they can step, no, it is just that right now I am freezing cold and tired. They return shortly to the car and we are ready to go, we all grab our small bags and head up to our room. I am about ready to collapse as I walk by the window, it is there that I notice a curious hole in it, now what could have...oh shit, there is a fucking bullet hole in our hotel window. What the fuck is going down in Roanoke that requires gunz be a blazin'? When you think of Roanoke it's not like you think of the hardcore crime that you may find in more populated areas. Roanoke is like Redneck city, and we my friends, are strangers in this magical land.
I shrug off the bullet hole in the window and step inside and immediately collapse on the bed. Odd...there is a lump under the sheets, what the heck? What now? I reach under the sheets and am about to grab it when I think better. I simply lift up the sheets and stare at a dirty pair of jeans, clearly worn by a farming type person as I can easily tell by the smell. This surprised the hell out of me as I usually stay in hotels of decent quality and am used to the room at being cleaned up a bit. I mean at least change the sheets a bit. It was clear they hadn't done a thing.
Grossed out a bit I drag my weary body out of bed and over to the bathroom, I flip on the light and am horrified to see that not only is there still a reasonably fresh load in the bowl, but there are wet towels on the floor and everything is dripping wet. I grumble something to my friends about how dirty the room is and go over to the coffee maker thing to get myself some tea. Again I am confronted with the low quality of the house keeping at the room we are staying in. All the cheap styrofoam cups are used, there are brown coffee stains on some of them and lipstick on a few others. Thirsty, tired, and having to go to the bathroom I decide to flip on the T.V. What could go wrong there?
I locate the channel changer on the floor by a desk, and go to pick it up. Luckily at that moment, the light shined on it in such a way that I could see that it was partially covered with a clear, thinker than water, liquid. My stomach lurches as I realize what it is and decide that maybe this isn't the place to stay. I am about to sit down and ask my friends about a different room (they are just now coming in as they decided to go down to the vending machine and get a soda and chips) when I saw the final horror of the room.
There laying on the chair was a used condom, wrinkled up and just chillin, beckoning me to put my frozen ass on top of it. I immediately told my friends that there was no way in hell that we could stay in this room for the night and told them that we needed to demand a new room. After showing them the evidence they all had a good laugh and decided that it was best.
We grabbed all our stuff and headed to deposit it in the car before going to the hotel office. Suddenly a plan hits me and I tell my friends that I left something back in the room and would need to return. They all shrug and head to the office and I run back to the room smiling.
I met up with them a few minutes later by the car, much more cheery and energetic than before. They questioned me about what I had done in an accusing manner and I slyly said "Oh, nothing, just left them with my opinion."
It turns out that the lady at the desk, who was a total bitch I am told, was dubious of their claims, but said she would check up on the room later that night and we could stay in another room with $10 dollars off the price. Too tired to argue about anything or do any further complaining they agreed, as they really didn't feel like finding a new hotel at this hour anyway. We deposit our things and have a pretty uneventful night beyond that, as our new room was acceptable.
The next day as we left by the hotel I noticed that the lady had in fact, lied. She had not gone to check on the room or sent anyone who worked for her to do the same. How do I know without going in you ask? Well when I went back to the room I had my mind set on doing a few things to show my appreciation to the hotel. I took a shit in the middle of the floor, on the middle of the carpeting. I also deposited some of my bowel fudge in one of the dresser drawers and covered two pillows and their casings in urine. On the way out I blew my snot infested nose on a tissue and used the mucous to stick it to the outside handle as a warning.
As I passed by the room I noticed that my tissue was still firmly attached to the cold metal handle, untouched in the night. I would have felt bad for the next customer to have to stumble into the room from hell, but then I think, that's what you get for staying at some cheap ass hotel in the middle of fucking Roanoke. You get what you pay for, and maybe with my additions, they will get $15 dollars off their replacement room, and isn't that what is really important?
User Reviews
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-02-05 12:49:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your fecal creativity is impressive.
Submitted by swik <daswk.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-02-05 12:41:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
methinks I may have wanted to title it differently as it seems like it is the continuation of a story and that you need to read the first part, which is incorrect. They both merely happened on the same night and were both bad, and slightly humorous experiences. Maybe that combined with the fact that many wouldn't want to read the firt long article, live and learn.