jobsite maximus overdrive (438 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1 on 1 review (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by citizenabovesuspicion (View user info) at 2004-02-06 13:50:12 EST
As JD and I wait for Jason, our foreman, who is more a peer than a boss, the Howard Stern show gives way to a string of in-you-face morning commercials. Following a minute or two of unconvincing propaganda for riding the city bus comes our favorite ad: Maximus, the self-proclaimed "number one herbal sexual enhancer." This commercial is played incessantly on morning radio, usually up to six times before 11:00 or so.
A woman's voice, erotically contrived and somewhat accusatory, addresses men over the age of twenty-five who are "suffering from lack of sexual desire, lack of potency, or most commonly, lack of sexual stamina". You see, Maximus releases "bound up testosterone for longer, stronger, more satisfying sex for you, and most importantly, your partner." Essentially, as our female friend points out, Maximus helps to "reverse the horrifying side effects of getting older."
With this last statement, the horrifying, yes, HORRIFYING, side effects of getting older, JD turns to the radio, "shut up bitch, I feel fine." I start laughing.
He continues, "Fuck that. If anything I need to calm down. I mean give me some fucking Minimus so I can sleep at night. Some Michael Douglas-inspired Minimus to keep unruly erections at bay, now there's your marketable product."
"You're totally on to something, man", I say. I'm finally starting to wake up. "MAXIMUS. I wonder what the biggest Maximus eater in Chicago looks like. You know there's some fucker out there that just gobbles the shit."
"Yea, he's sitting in a small corner of his highrise, naked, chewing on the remains of his right hand. He can't even function, he brings chicks up to his place and just throws them out the fucking window screaming MAXIMUS OH JESUS MAXIMUS."
Jobsite foreman Jason approaches, redeyed and haggard. JD speaks, "Duuuuude. Looks like someone needs an EYE OPENER".
User Reviews
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-02-06 14:45:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
dumb