damn those PC hippies (417 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 3 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by citizenabovesuspicion (View user info) at 2004-02-08 23:55:21 EST
location: ko lanta, thailand
Conversation with a pint-sized chain smoking Thai man in the back of an airconditioned minibus:
Me: Yea, but Im just not interested right now. I never book a bungalow before I see it.
Man: But I have nice bungalow.
Me: I know, but you must realize that I refuse to pre-pay for any shitheap bungalow.
Man: But I have nice bungalow, and if you no stay then you have to pay extra for taxi.
Me: Well, then Ill pay extra for the taxi.
Man: But I have-
Me: Whoa, whoa. Dont touch. Dont touch, buddy. DONT YOU EVER TOUCH.
(silence)
Man: I have nice bungalow.
Me: Oh Jesus
(headphones on)
I sympathsize with the Thai people, I really do: theyre relatively dirt poor and theyve become enamored with lowlife tourist scum pulling out fat billfolds and then bitching about the cost of a taxi. But I've got one simple rule: Don't Ever Fucking Touch. Keep the hands where I can see them.
I was held hostage at the "travel agency" where I booked my minibus because of some ridiculous package tour to a waterfall. The only reason I wasnt in the minibus moving towards my destination was because I hadnt booked some goddamn elephant ride. But I got that bus moving with a simple change of appearance-- tanktop and very dark Raybans. Coupled with the mustache, this appearance really motivates others to do as they are supposed to.
This mustache is really coming into its own. Think Chuck Norris minus the ginger. Locals see the resplendant catepillar above my lip and they get things done. Women are repulsed, confused, but somehow intrigued. The hippies find the mustache suspect indeed; maybe I look too much like that DEA sergeant who busted their hydro lab and smashed their bongs. But alas my forever lost hippie expats, Im only an undercover nerd tourist chronicling the downfall of eastern civilization.
Im in Ko Lanta, and boy is it quiet. The droves of touristscum and climbers are gone; all that remain are the Superhippies. It took me a long time to get here from Railay bay- a longtail fishing boat, the back of a scooter (sketchy), the AC minibus, two ferries, and a pickup. This really fat girl got on the longtail and the whole boat tipped to one side; the little Thai guy started screaming at 3 of us to move right and balance it out. I yelled "Holy shit!". Everyone grew a little tense and shifty-eyed after my outburst, and sensing an uncomfortable ride ahead, I put on the headphones. I guess I didnt respect her "life choice" or something. Damn those PC hippies.
My bungalow is a $2 supershanty, but its on an amazing beach at the foot of Ko Lantas national park. Avoid the Mekong whisky and all PCvegandreadlockhippiebastards.
Until We Meet Again,
Private Mustache
bongo drums
User Reviews
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-02-09 12:59:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good story. I tend to discourage strangers pawing at me as well. I've had my own run-ins with hippies and PC types.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/15472
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-02-09 04:01:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Please.. come... sit down...
Welcome. This is uber.
You're hired.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-02-09 00:21:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Those fat hippie chicks just make me wanna larf. They are 'Like I am so cool and vegan is sooo healthy and don't you know meat is toxic.'
Well listen up fat bitch. If what you eat is so healthy and good for you then how come you are so OBESE!
Hahaha run away laughing.