Crisis in the Bathroom (1084 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.26 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jonathan Rapoport <wonket12.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-02-09 16:11:27 EST
Beep beep beep beep. My alarm clock went off. It was 6:50 in the morning and time to get up for school. I got out of bed and walked, half asleep, to the bathroom. I found that in the bathroom the light switch was broken. It's one of those light switches where you press the top to turn it on and the bottom to turn it off. If you don't know what I'm talking about then: A)You're fucking stupid and B) I don't care. So anyways the switch was broken and it was stuck in the off position. If you pushed the top if would quickly just flip on for a second and then flip off. So, being the ingenious individual that I am, I found some tape and taped the switch down to keep the light on.
5 minutes later I'm in the shower lathering up my hair with shampoo when I decide it would be a good idea to open my eyes because A) I'm fucking stupid B) I'm a little paranoid and often think in the shower that someone's going to pop in while my eyes are closed and brutally murder me psycho style (yea I know that's dumb but everyone's got their thing). So I open my eyes and of course I get shampoo in them, which immediately starts burning like hell. "Aw fuck!" I cry out, and quickly clench my eyes shut.
I finish my shower with my eyes clenched shut, feeling around for the knob to turn the shower off. I step out of the shower into my bathroom and quickly throw a towel around my head and start drying my hair off. Keep in mind my eyes are clenched the entire time and I can't see anything. So I'm drying my hair and then I remember that my eyes are clenched shut. So I rub my eyes with the towel, hoping to get out all of the shampoo and then I open my eyes. By eerie coincidence, at the EXACT moment I open my eyes the tape comes up off the wall and the lights shut off.
"Oh my god, I'm blind," I say out loud, immediately dropping the towel. "I'M BLIIIIIND!!!!! I'M BLIIIIND!!!!!!" I holler at the top of my lungs. My dad comes sprinting from the kitchen and throws the door open to find me standing completely naked with my hands up in the air screaming 'I'm blind.' Light floods the room and I suddenly cry out, "I can see." At which point I realize I'm a complete fucking moron, and notice my dad standing in the doorway with a disapproving look on his face like "what the hell are you doing?" I tried to laugh it off, but the laugh came out extremely awkwardly, and so I just quickly picked up the towel and walked out of the bathroom past my dad as if nothing had happened.
When I eventually got dressed and showed up in the kitchen for breakfast my dad was already there, and I'll be quite honest...it was a little awkward. We didn't say much, but I think there was a mutual understanding that I was an idiot. I've never spoken with my dad about the incident that day, and I doubt I ever will. I did gain appreciation for my eyesight though, and a newfound respect for blind people. Never again will I pet seeing eye dogs, or feed them, just to fuck with blind people.
User Reviews
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-08-20 01:54:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by sinwithin (user info) at 2004-02-15 17:07:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"'Whoever touches the man who has a discharge must wash his clothes and bathe with water, and he will be unclean till evening.'"
-Leviticus 15:7
Submitted by Kaytee (user info) at 2004-02-15 16:26:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"By eerie coincidence, at the EXACT moment I open my eyes the tape comes up off the wall and the lights shut off.
"Oh my god, I'm blind," I say out loud, immediately dropping the towel. "I'M BLIIIIIND!!!!! I'M BLIIIIND!!!!!!" I holler at the top of my lungs. My dad comes sprinting from the kitchen and throws the door open to find me standing completely naked with my hands up in the air screaming 'I'm blind.'"
Seriously, I nearly fell off my chair laughing. Are you blonde by any chance?
Funny as fuck.
Submitted by kimmy02723 <kimberly> at 2004-02-15 16:11:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by cat_head (user info) at 2004-02-10 07:44:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Kinda funny, but for the people saying "best story ever" and the like - do you really mean that?
I bet your dad experienced mixed feelings of sadness, guilt and pity when he saw your tiny wang.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2004-02-10 07:12:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry I meant excellent - too much simpsons.
What am I saying you can never have too much.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2004-02-10 07:10:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I can see"
I can hear the exact tone of voice you said that in and its magnetic
Submitted by Trout (user info) at 2004-02-10 06:53:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Good work.
Submitted by Fleadh (user info) at 2004-02-10 06:45:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 just because KingFreakingKong made such a dick of himself in his review.
Godd stuff though that warrents a +2 regardless.
C
Submitted by Les6966 (user info) at 2004-02-10 00:23:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that was the greatest story ever!
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-02-10 00:03:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very good. Very good, indeed.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-02-09 23:54:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
""Oh my god, I'm blind," I say out loud, immediately dropping the towel. "I'M BLIIIIIND!!!!! I'M BLIIIIND!!!!!!" I holler at the top of my lungs. My dad comes sprinting from the kitchen and throws the door open to find me standing completely naked with my hands up in the air screaming 'I'm blind.' Light floods the room and I suddenly cry out, "I can see." At which point I realize I'm a complete fucking moron"
This is absolutely hilarious.
Submitted by AnnabelLee (user info) at 2004-02-09 21:38:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm such a retard that I can actually conceivably see myself doing something eerily similar. You get a +2 for making me feel good about my utter ineptitude.
Submitted by Heimdallsman (user info) at 2004-02-09 18:10:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very funny. I picture my own kids doing something like that.
Just another dumb-ass thing kids do... it just goes in the file with all the rest.
--HeimdallsMan
Submitted by NavyJester (user info) at 2004-02-09 18:02:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I liked this. Good first post!
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2004-02-09 17:29:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
humorous
Submitted by ugaly (user info) at 2004-02-09 16:50:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed.
Submitted by Kim at 2004-02-09 16:30:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was great!
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-02-09 16:27:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Thumbs up.
Submitted by Denis_Leary (user info) at 2004-02-09 16:21:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This I enjoyed.
Submitted by Lucky (user info) at 2004-02-09 16:19:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
funny
Submitted by KingFreakingKong (user info) at 2004-02-09 16:14:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This post sucked because...
A)It was your first
B)It was too long
C)Beep beep beep
D)It was pointless
E)All of the above
The answer is E.