Old Home Movies: Meet the Family Part 1- Aunt Tammie (3167 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.7 on 36 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sideburns (View user info) at 2004-02-09 23:39:49 EST
http://www.ubersite.com/m/25125
http://www.ubersite.com/m/25164
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I popped in another video tape. The label on this one was February 2, 1998. It was my sister's 11th birthday party. I was 14 at the time. My parents were long divorced and my mother and since married another man. My father was no longer tha man behind the camera, it was me. You could tell by my extremely high voice when we were singing 'Happy Birthday'-- I sounded like a 12 year old girl on helium. I was quite the commentator for the home video viewing audience. I panned the camera to each person in attendance and stated who they were.
Aunt Tammie:
Every family has a drunk person that disgraces the family name. Well, my family has quite a few of those. She was 43 years old but had the mental capacity of a 16 year old. Hell, she even dressed like it. There was something discomforting about a 40+ woman in a tube-top and short, cutoff shorts trying to stuff your head into her boobies every time she hugged you. Aunt Tammie was a character, always getting herself into compromising positions.
She had driven her moped the party with her new boyfriend, a skinny 90 pound biker named 8-ball. One too many DUIs I suppose. Ladies and gentlemen, meet Aunt Tammie...
<Rewind>
A few years ago she had gotten a new job and was excited about my dad(her brother) coming to see her on her first day of work. It was announced that she worked at 'Ladies in Lace', a low-class strip club. Daddy-o came to the conclusion that she wouldn't invite him if she was a stripper, that just wouldn't be right. He concluded that she had to be a waitress or a hostess.
Dad, figuring he'd make a night out of it, brings along a few friends to watch the strippers on stage and have a few drinks. Looking around anxiously for Aunt Tammie to surprise him and take their drink order, the lights suddenly dim. You know what's coming, don't you?
"Ladies in Lace proudly presents to you, our newest dancer..."
Tammie waltzes out onto the stage in her stripper attire I suppose(I asked him to leave this detail out when he told me). Not only does she acknowledge her brother's presence, but proceeds to dance for him.
Tenacious Tammie made more than $500 bucks that night. More than half was from my dad.
<Fast foward>
The guests of the birthday party are finished singing 'Happy Birthday' while I'm trying to figure out the options on the camera. With the focus still on Aunt Tammie, I accidentally zoom in and get her breasts on camera for a good 3 seconds. Trying to zoom back out, I pan the camera to the next person...
Meet my mom, Debbie, holding a Budweiser in her hand, who then proceeds to flash the camera with her own son behind the lens....
To be continued...
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I've been having writer's block as of late when I started watching all of my old home videos. All of these stories are true, and they gave me inspiration for more posts. I've gotten positive feedback so far for my 'home movie' posts. If you want me to post more on the subject, just say so and I'll jump on it. I hope you enjoyed it.
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User Reviews
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-02-29 19:11:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-02-15 14:34:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
These are great.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-02-12 14:07:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Christ- You don't annoy me. You may think you get on my nerves, but in reality I enjoy your whitty responses and posts.
AHAHAHAHA.
Just kidding.
-Sideburns
Submitted by Christ (user info) at 2004-02-12 13:48:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Meh...
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-02-11 14:10:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahaha. And I thought my family was odd...no offense.
:-))))
Phoenix
Submitted by seansdementia (user info) at 2004-02-11 05:36:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Keep it up.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-02-11 00:38:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Get the whole series!!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/25125 Old Home Movies: Dad the Porno Guy
http://www.ubersite.com/m/25164 Old Home Movies: Dad the Porno Guy, Continued
http://www.ubersite.com/m/25239 Old Home Movies: Meet the Family Part 1- Aunt Tammie
http://www.ubersite.com/m/25316 Old Home Movies: Meet the Family Part 2- Drunk Mom
Submitted by acrog (user info) at 2004-02-10 12:44:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
PLEEAASE keep posting these!
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-02-10 11:10:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I only bought the John Deere hat because everyone I knew said that I dressed too perfect and "preppy". I can say that it's different for me. Unfortunately, I now get too many references to Johnny Knoxville and Ashton Kutcher.
Submitted by Feldman <ranyorasimovic.at.aol.com> at 2004-02-10 10:59:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is definately one of the best things I've read on Ubersite in a long time, continue with this story.
Submitted by Mac (user info) at 2004-02-10 10:52:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're a TR boy? I should have known by the John Deere hat. Anyhow, I don't want to turn this into a chat room, so I'll just say keep posting and tell us more about that crazy family from TR.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-02-10 10:44:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Haha, no I don't live in Laurens. Greenville county is my place of residence. To be more specific, Travelers Rest.
Submitted by Mac (user info) at 2004-02-10 10:41:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sideburns, be honest. You live in Laurens don't you? You'd have to to have a family that fun.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-02-10 10:38:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
In fact, my grandpa was caught by my grandma going to Ladies in Lace. His damn DAUGHTER STRIPS THERE!
I'm telling you, I can post about my family for years.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-02-10 10:36:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish I was kidding, Mac. In fact, I live in Greenville, SC.
Submitted by Mac (user info) at 2004-02-10 10:35:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Please tell me that these stories are made up and that your aunt isn't really a stripper there. Please tell me that. Please.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-02-10 10:34:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Great.. now everyone knows where my aunt strips.
Shit.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-02-10 10:33:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes, Mac. Ladies in Lace in Greenville. My aunt is a stripper there. She goes by different personas. Tenacious Tammy, Tantilizing Tammy, Big Tittied Tammy, Tum Tam, etc.
-Sideburns
Submitted by Mac (user info) at 2004-02-10 10:26:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
SideBurns you beautiful bastard! When I read "Ladies in Lace", I almost shit. Ladies in Lace in Greenville? I've been there. Fuck it, I'm writing a post about my experience there.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-02-10 09:51:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
change your name and move far far away from these people
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-02-10 09:50:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Bart- You wouldn't be missing out on too much if you didn't come to a family reunion. Barefoot kids running around, mom passed out in the yard, uncles getting into a fight, etc. Last year, it was at a park so I got to play basketball with the family. I can say that I DOMINATED my grandmother's team. You get a sense of pride and superiority when you slam-dunk over your gradma for the game winning point. Besides all that action, someone ALWAYS ends up going to jail for public nudity.
Nobody told me pants were required at these things.
-Sideburns
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-02-10 03:23:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't have the equipment to capture still tv shots.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-02-10 03:16:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok these are real funny but how about posting some vidcaps.
Here ya go meet the peebles.............
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-02-10 02:34:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
More.
Submitted by Lyric (user info) at 2004-02-10 02:33:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Definately more, please! I live for these posts now. There's nothing quite like reading about a fucked up family and relating it to your own.
Funny, I was going to ask you if they were true. Makes it that much funnier.
+57
Submitted by amusediniraq (user info) at 2004-02-10 01:18:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Aunt Tammie kind of reminds me of the sister from "The Sopranos" I don't know why, thats just who I pictured when you told the story.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-02-10 01:03:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Can I come to a family reunion?
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-02-10 01:02:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-02-10 00:56:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for the feedback. There will be more on the way.
-Sideburns
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-02-10 00:55:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
By the way, I am not stoned right now, so you're doing well.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-02-10 00:55:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You'll get no complaints from me. Every one of these home video posts has made me laugh out loud, which is generally hard to do. Usually when I am amused I simply smile and perhaps chuckle. I must be highly amused to laugh loudly. Or highly high.
Submitted by NavyJester (user info) at 2004-02-10 00:43:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sideburns,
These home video posts rule! Finally, someone with a stranger family than mine. Keep 'em coming!
Submitted by Zod (user info) at 2004-02-10 00:09:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Justin man, we should bring our wacky families together to make a sitcom.
We could call it, "Why I Eat My Own Shit and Cry Myself to Sleep Every Night: A Tale of Two Fucked-Up Families"
Wait, that wouldn't work...you can't say "fuck" on TV.
More man...gimme some more.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2004-02-10 00:00:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice. Please continue...
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2004-02-09 23:50:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Every family has a drunk person that disgraces the family name. Well, my family has quite
a few of those"
Wait, are you related to me?
Besides my parents, my extended consumes more Coors Light and Budwiser than they do food.
I shit you not.