Old Home Movies: Meet the Family Part 2: Drunk Mom (3720 hits)
Category: Movies & TVRating: 1.62 on 36 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sideburns (View user info) at 2004-02-10 22:23:57 EST
http://www.ubersite.com/m/25125 Old Home Movies: Dad the Porno Guy
http://www.ubersite.com/m/25164 Old Home Movies: Dad the Porno Guy, Continued
http://www.ubersite.com/m/25239 Old Home Movies: Meet the Family Part 1- Aunt Tammie
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I've been watching old home videos recently out of boredom, but they've turned out to be very interesting and have actually given me inspiration for posts. I was now watching a video tape from February 1990, my sister's birthday party. The camera was now on my mother, who had a Budweiser in her hand. I was behind the camera. This must've brought back flashbacks to her, because her first instinct was to lift her shirt up and flash me, her own son. "Dammit, mom! Don't!!!"
<Rewind>
We lived with my stepfather at the time, who was a biker and the biggest redneck I knew. His Carolina intellect and actions rubbed off on my mother, because as soon as you know it, I was part of a redneck family. Being barely 14 at the time and living with this type of family, I was driving before my time. My stepfather owned a Camaro, my mom owned a Camaro, and I owned a Camaro. I kid you not.
I remember getting home from school, stepping over my mom's drunk, passed out body and proceed to the kitchen to heat myself up some Poptarts for dinner. I didn't know how to cook. It was obvious I wasn't getting dinner on many nights. At 3 am, she'd wake me up and make me dinner(on a school night) which consisted of heated up Spaghettios and a piece of bread.
Her drunkenness led to many, many fights between her and my stepfather. My mom would pack up her clothes in Hefty bags and head on over to my grandmother's house, then call my stepdad to let him know she had moved out(she did this quite a few times)....
"Me and the kids ain't comin' back till' you learn to straighten up and treat me like a woman!"
-click-
"Who was that?" I said. My stepdad looked at me with a confused look. "I thought you went with your mother." Dammit, she did it again. She moved out and forgot her only son.
More to come.....
-Sideburns
User Reviews
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-03-10 23:08:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
nice. lacked something though, you can do better.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-02-11 19:20:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
c'mon Mr. Burns, you can't stop with these posts.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-02-11 14:27:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You are quickly becoming the most entertaining author. I hope these family stories never end...
Submitted by Mac (user info) at 2004-02-11 10:54:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn it. Forgot your +2 Sideburns. My bad.
Thanks for answering that question, I was a little hazy on the time line of the stories.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-02-11 10:22:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Wrong date. I was 14 in '98. I was born in '84.
I'm now almost 20.
Submitted by Mac (user info) at 2004-02-11 10:03:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Wait a second, were you 14 in 1990 or 1998? You said you were 14 in 1998 in your Aunt Tammi post. What's the deal?
Submitted by seansdementia (user info) at 2004-02-11 05:40:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
dude, seriously...thanks for this. I dont feel bad about my drunken aunt who acts 18, and my own mother who acts 14. And my father and his side of the family...well lets just say its nice t find someone else with a mad fucked up family
Submitted by jordanna (user info) at 2004-02-11 04:49:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
He he he he.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-02-11 04:05:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Kristen! Get on AIM.
I'm tired of waiting on you.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-02-11 04:03:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awwww...
...
...
...
...
*pats head*
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-02-11 03:15:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ah, you caught your typo as I was typing my review. Good eye.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-02-11 03:15:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by NavyJester (user info) at 2004-02-11 03:10:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Sideburns -
As always, the stories of your dysfunctional family cease to amaze me. Keep 'em coming!
------------
Soo... my stories DON'T amaze you? Ah screw it, you +2'd me, I'm not complaining. Your stories are the ones that are freaking awesome.. too bad they're fiction though.
Anansie- Hey babe!
Spikey- Hey babe!
amused- Hey babe!
Submitted by NavyJester (user info) at 2004-02-11 03:11:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That should read "...never cease to amaze me". My apologies.
Submitted by NavyJester (user info) at 2004-02-11 03:10:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sideburns -
As always, the stories of your dysfunctional family cease to amaze me. Keep 'em coming!
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-02-11 02:44:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sideburns, we should trade stories on our families and see whose is crazier. Actually, I can't really think of a way to make my family funny. It's just to screwed-up. I mean, it would be funny to me, because it was normal for me, and it gave me a skewered idea of what's funny. But I have a feeling everybody else would be like, "Oh my God, what the fuck is wrong with you?"
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2004-02-11 02:29:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm so sorry you grew up that way. That had to be so hard to see your Mom like that and to cope with her behavior.
This was written with humor, but I guess I just can't quite laugh at the situation. What can I say? I'm a sensitive bitch.
SpikeGoddess
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-02-11 02:19:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm currently in South Carolina. I was born in New York and was moved all over the U.S. simply because we were a military family. I'm moving to Japan in April/May.
-Sideburns
Submitted by amusediniraq (user info) at 2004-02-11 02:10:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn!
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-02-11 02:03:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Which Carolina? North or South?
Submitted by lordofthepost (user info) at 2004-02-11 02:02:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
credit to the carolina intellect
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-02-11 01:55:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Maybe, except that you don't spam my posts with links to stupid websites. Screw that guy.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-02-11 01:46:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
He did indeed say something about a beast in his pants. I skimmed through your posts and found his comment..
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Submitted by Lucifer_Industries (user info) at 2004-01-30 01:09:16 (#)
Ranking: 0
I got a beast.....IN MY PANTS!!
gET IT? Do you get it? IN MY PANTS.
Malone
Lucifer Industries LLC
http://www.luciferindustries.com
-----------------
I think I've found my long lost twin.
-Sideburns
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-02-11 01:33:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny thing, that Lucifer Industries guy was talking about a beast in his pants too.
I think yours would be better.
Uh, that came out wrong.
'Night.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-02-11 01:30:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sounds good. I can't wait to read the next installment. In fact, I was thinking doing my own fictional Uber series entitled..
Beast in my Pants
GET IT?!? BEAST?! ... in my PANTS?!
I'm talking about my penis!!
HAHAHAHAHAHA.
Okay, time for bed.
Night, babe.
-Sideburns
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-02-11 01:27:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh yes, and work also sucks up a lot of my time.
Dammit I can't wait to transfer.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-02-11 01:24:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry, man. I was all in it the other day, had ideas, couldn't wait to get home and work on it, but then realized I wouldn't have time because of my freaking Biology exam. I can't afford to let my GPA go down. Fucked up too much when I went the first time. Now I have to try to raise it.
Don't worry, tommorow I will write more. Look for a post on Thursday.
Dammit, now I am committed and must have a post Thursday.
Shit.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-02-11 01:11:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Anansie- I'm waiting for you next 'Beast in the Basement'. Start popping those stories out, I'm having withdrawals.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-02-11 00:26:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's all too familiar . . .
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-02-10 23:54:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for the feedback. This is going to be my last home video post. I'd rather not run the idea into the ground.
-Sideburns
(Kristen, if you're reading this, GET ON AIM!!!)
Submitted by Lyric (user info) at 2004-02-10 23:45:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 of course. Goes with out saying, but I'd +2 it again for the line that Death_Metal_Dude emphasized...
"...me an' the kids..."
"...forgot her only child."
That is hilarious, I couldn't stop laughing.
More more more!
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-02-10 23:43:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
TV Announcer:
The following is a public service announcement: Excessive
alcohol consumption can cause liver damage and cancer of the
rectum.
Homer: Mmm ... beer.
So It's Come To This: A Simpsons Clip Show
I think a film festival might be in order.
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2004-02-10 22:50:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2004-02-10 22:42:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because she said "and the kids;" you being an only child.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-02-10 22:36:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And I thought my ex-girlfriend's family were odd.
Submitted by smalltownfreak (user info) at 2004-02-10 22:33:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Sweet.....Brings back memories..
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2004-02-10 22:25:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Weird...