Put a Little Love in Cupid's Bum-Bum (1526 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.92 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Stan<juggalo44.at.mad.scientist.com> (View user info) at 2004-02-11 11:26:44 EST
remember it as if it were only a year ago, because it was only a year ago. I was on a special Valentine date with Vanna White. We were at an elementary school spelling bee and I was sandwhiched between her and Mick Jagger in some small folding chairs. We were watching the cute little buggers on stage, misspelling simple words like love, carrot, and rhinoplasty. I was sitting there in a daze and who did I see staring through the window? That bastard Cupid!
Now, I know what you are all thinking. How can you call Cupid a bastard? Well, let me tell you that everything you heard about him is false. He doesn't make two compatable people fall in love like the legends try to make us believe. He is a pervert who gets his rocks off by making a man fall in love with his donkey, a child, or a rabbit. He's a plague on our society. Not to mention, he owed me about 20 bucks.
"Vanna, I will be right back. Mick and I are going to take care of some business. C'mon Mick!"
Mick and I went to the doors and I quickly explained the situation.
"Mick, Cupid is outside and he is not what you think. He's a pervert and needs to be taught a lesson. If not, he will get one of these cute little kids a new boyfriend that's 4 times their age."
"Blimey, are you talking about Chesters?"
"Yes. that's exactly what I am talking about. Hey, where'd you get that Guiness?"
"From the concession stand."
"What, at an elemtary school, oh forget it. We got business to take care of. You in?"
"You can count me in. Taking out a fictional holiday character is the dogs bollocks!"
Mick and crept outside and hid in a bush. We could hear Cupid talking to himself.
"I will get you Pete Townsend!"
"I knew it!" shouted Mick as he jumped out from behind the bush. He had blown our whole cover.
"Mick Jagger? Didn't I make you gay once?" asked Cupid.
"Yes, but that was only for a short period in the 80's. i am back to being straight. I knew there was something wrong with Pete!" said Mick
At this point, i had to face that little bastard pervert and jumped out from behind the bushes.
"Hello stupid...I mean Cupid." I said
"STREETPUNK, I had no idea you were here. I would have brought that money I owe you." said Cupid, shocked.
"Yeah right, not only are you a pedophile, but you're a dead beat too. You need to stop what you are doing and go back to the fiery pits of hell. This world is not for you and you are only causing trouble. Do you know what happens to fictional, holiday characters that cause me trouble?" I asked
"Yeah, yeah, I have read "I raped Santa," and "The ass raping at Plymouth Rock." I know the drill." He said, "but that doesn't mean I am going down like a bitch."
He pulled out one of his heart tipped arrows and aimed it at me but right as he was letting go of the string, Mick Jagger jumped in front and took it right in the heart.
"My vision is all blurry!" said Mick
In a moment of what I liek to call pure genius, I screamed out,
"Mick, look at Cupid. Stare at him!"
As Mick got up, he directed all of his focus towards Cupid until a smile came onto his face. He ran towards Cupid as Cupid tried to scurry away but Cupid's effort was not enough. Mick quickly caught him and held him on the ground so he could make sweet love to his fresh and little anus. Cupid screamed in pain but Mick thought it was joy, so he kept riding him harder and harder until he finished the job. It was the easiest one yet.
Mick and I gathered Cupid into a bag without his bow and arrows and dropped him into the portal between Earth and the Netherworld. He will spin eternity cooking in Hell, with John Lennon, Kurt Cobain, and Dave Mustain.....eventually. The spell eventually wore off of Mick and he was back to screwing supermodels in no time. As for Vanna and I, that's a different story all together. We went back to her place and she showed me how to pronounce vowels that I never knew existed. That was the Valentine's day that I made the world a little better place for you, and me, just wait and see. Put a little love in your heart.
Peace,
STREETPUNK
User Reviews
Submitted by baCaRdi (user info) at 2004-02-24 17:13:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
haha...thas great lmao!
Submitted by GrizzlyHunter62 (user info) at 2004-02-12 22:01:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ya, ok.
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2004-02-11 21:47:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the last reply.
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2004-02-11 21:36:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have always thought Cupid's buns looked like two puppies fighting under a blanket.
What?
Submitted by Jaineix (user info) at 2004-02-11 18:27:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was just fantastic! Only on Uber could someone write an entertaining story about Sodomy, Mick Jagger, and a Spelling Bee....wow...
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-02-11 16:00:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
pooperific!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-02-11 15:43:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nothing like sodomizing cupid...
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-02-11 13:29:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2004-02-11 12:07:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
super
Submitted by UberWeiss (user info) at 2004-02-11 11:56:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Kracka (user info) at 2004-02-11 11:48:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-02-11 11:37:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
About fricking time!!! I've been waiting forever for the next installment.
STREETPUNK strikes again, and the world applauds.
Kick-Ass!
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-02-11 11:35:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Mick Jagger? Didn't I make you gay once?" asked Cupid.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
This was great.