VDay: Rhymes with DDay, Coincidence? I Think Not. (727 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1 on 4 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by j t <jcricket1120.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-02-11 23:03:41 EST
Alright, I'm going to be frank with you ladies.
I can speak in this manner because a) I'm not going to have to answer to any girlfriend that might get mad at me for speaking the truth, b) I'm not going to be looking for a girlfriend for a good long while, so hopefully the flack that I would get for this post will blow over soon enough, and c) I don't give a fuck.
Men don't particularly care too much about Vday.
It's an especially crappy day where men have to scramble/ struggle to pull something out of their asses to show you how much they care about you... or in some cases, to show you how much they want you to think that they care about you. There's a very important difference that you should understand.
Honestly, the vast majority of men would not be weeping their eyes out if this day were somehow miraculously erased from our calendar.
The reason why they hate it? It's pretty hard to get crap for you ladies. I'd make a post for men concerning gift ideas for their ladies, but fuck'em. It's too hard to develop a bag of tricks, and I'll be god-damned if Joe Wong comes along and takes my hard thought-of shit.
So Ladies...
Men, conversely, are very easy to get gifts for on Vday.
If you ladies are struggling to get gift ideas for guys, don't worry too much about it,
Papa Jimmy is here to help.
Jimmy's Guide to What Men Want for VDay.
1) Sex: Yeah, like it's a big fuckin surprise. With all of the effort that most guys put into Vday, nothing says "I love you" from your girlfriend quite like a good, thorough, vigorous humping. I can almost honestly say, in any future relationship, I could forego the whole gift thing altogether. If men could just fast-forward right to the evening, believe me, it's no frikkin contest.
2) Something Sentimental: Being that it is Vday and all. I'm sure that if you put a little bit of effort into anything, the guy should like it anyway. Examples would be a Sporty Build-a-Bear, A customized photo-album, a scrapbook of your lives together, a signed picture of you nude, hell, a frikkin macaroni necklace dipped in chocolate will do. It's really not that difficult. The best part is, if your guy doesn't like it, he'll just lie about liking it anyway. Yeah it's slightly unethical, but he will try not to do anything to compromise his chances for sex later on that night. If you want to splurge a little bit, go take a day or an evening at a spa. I couldn't picture too many better ways to spend with my significant other than being rubbed down and relaxing in a sauna/ hot tub.
3) Something Practical: Being that it's Vday, guys don't really care. I would love a tie or some boxers/ lifting gloves for Vday. It doesn't really matter what you get him. I'll let you in on a little secret: The presentations for gifts are almost as important as the gifts themselves. You ladies are supposed to be frikkin creative. Use some of that power to figure out something. For example, sure those lifting gloves aren't that nice to look at, but if you wear the gloves and model them for me... with nothing else on... I guarantee that I will smile every single time I look at those gloves, touch those gloves, lift with those gloves, think of gloves in general without fail. Every single time. I'm sure that many of you couples can think of at least one ordinary, everyday item that you may have used in some less than ordinary way during one of your escapades. Doesn't that bring a smile to your face?
4) Ambience: A picnic blanket, some candles, and dinner with some wine. Top that off with some strawberries and melted chocolate. Make sure that you're parents/ roommates are out though. Things could get a little awkward otherwise.
5) Indulgence in male infantile fantasy(ies): Look to my pasts posts for "Role-Playing Games" and "Points of Interest". Hell, even "Bukkake" will do if you're into that kind of stuff. A never fail present (and I do mean never fail) is just dress up for your man. Think Victoria Secret/ Frederik's of Hollywood type of stuff and you're all set. If you already do that type of stuff for your man...then you better stop. If anything comes to easy to him, he's not going to appreciate it nearly as much as when you first started. That is true of every single person and every single relationship on this earth.
That's all that I feel like writing right now.
I hope that you've found my quick and easy guide helpful.
The way that the game traditionally works (or the way that I see it) is, man tries to sweep woman off of her feet, woman gives him sex.
On Vday, the rules don't change too much.
As a guy, I personally know that if you did any combination of the items listed above in that order, I'd probably be ready to marry you... Alright, maybe that's going a little too far. At the very least, I'd impregnate you... yeah, I'd definitely impregnate you.
It's also not a coincidence that those items are in order.
Happy Humpin!
User Reviews
Submitted by TheRef (user info) at 2004-02-12 01:07:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i nearly puked when i hit your link andy. they can't be serious, can they?
What is the fist thing a woman does after returning from a battered wifes shelter?
the dishes if she knows what is good for her.
oh yeah-= this post was pretty good too
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2004-02-12 00:58:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't wait until V.D. arrives. I've actually prepared for them. It. I mean, Hidden's link kicks vaginas.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-02-12 00:41:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.vday.org/
Submitted by Lyric (user info) at 2004-02-11 23:58:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't forget, kids, the initials of Valentine's Day are V.D.
Coincidence?
Actually, I think so.