You don't want to meet Mr. Thunder and Mr. Lightning (570 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.25 on 4 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by j t <jcricket1120.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-02-12 17:07:39 EST
So this past Friday, I was doing my thang at the club(surprise, surprise) and it was a really good time as usual. I was with my cousins Bri-tholomeu and Hieu-ford as well as some friends and we were grinding to my slightly buzzed heart's content.
Time was flying by and it was already 1:40ish. Hieu-ford and I left Bri-tholomeu because he was macking with all of the ladies in the house. We were making our customary rounds through the crowd to make sure that we didn't leave any stone unturned.
I eventually ran into a girl that I knew from college, so of course, I started dancing with her while my cousin danced with her friend.
After what couldn't have been more than 35 seconds, uncharacteristically enough, my cousin told me that he was moving on, so I reluctantly told the girl, "I have to go now, good seeing you."
As I was walking away, I felt someone grab my shoulders and turn me around. What I saw was this fairly tall, wide-looking, ugly Asian dude with glasses.
Or course, my reaction was like, "What the fuck?"
He pointed at the girl that I was just dancing with, and he said in a mocking tone, "HAHAHA. Dance!"
He had a really queer look on his face that I can't really describe. It was a subtle mix of repressed rage and mild constipation, with a healthy splash of "ugly".
After that quick exchange, I was able to fairly assess some things: 1) He's an idiot 2) he's probably drunk 3) He's probably new to the country 4) he must be taking some experimental animal hormone or something 5) He doesn't brush his teeth
Anyways, I thought to myself, "What an idiot" and I tried to walk away. He grabbed my shoulders again and turned me to face her.
I turned to him and was about to drop a haymaker to his grill, but luckily for him, I noticed his buddies/ thick goons behind him.
So in typical "me" fashion, I tried to reason with him.
I was like, "Dude, I went to school with her. Just calm down man"
He didn't seem too happy with my dialogue though. In retrospect, I'm thinking that maybe my ability to make complete sentences and my clear mastery over the English language might have been too much for him.
So I tried to walk off, and yet again, that somabitch grabbed me.
This was getting mildly irritating.
And to top it off homeboy was getting in my face. I looked over to where his girlfriend was (the girl that I was dancing with) to see if it would be okay for me to beat the crap out of him and his three friends and urinate all over their bloody, broken bodies, but she wasn't even there. I guess that she got mad and left.
So that left me only one choice.
I walked away.
The grab from behind that I was expecting, didn't happen though.
It's a good thing too, because if I felt someone grab me one more time, I would have Ha-duken'd some poor bastard. And that would have been a bad situation because there would have been smoke and charred up Asshole all over the dance floor.
Still, I needed to be on guard.
I informed my two cousins of the situation and we were preparing ourselves to administer some steady cans of "whoop-ass" and an extra bottle of "shut the fuck up", but we reluctantly decided that now was probably not the best time to do so.
So we left the club and went to the other "hotspot" that is IHOP and we stayed there till 4:30ish.
Afterwards, we went to a friend's house, played truth or dare, and somehow my cousin and I ended up ass-naked for a little bit.
Good times.
Tis kind of a shame though. I still have yet to get into a fight. I guess it's kind of a good thing that I've never had to. But I'm pretty sure that it's inevitable.
I loathe the day that I'm going to have to introduce some poor soul to my good friends "Mr. Lightning" (my right fist) and "Mr. Thunder" (my left fist)
...
Or was it "Mr. Thunder" (my right fist) and "Mr. Lightning" (my left fist)?
Either way, it doesn't matter because I'm frikkin deadly mang.
In regards to the fight that I almost got into, I'm probably just going to find that girl again, seduce her, and then send naked photos of her to her boyfriend.
After all, I'm a lover, not a fighter.
Can you believe the nerve of that guy? He got mad at me, for dancing with his girlfriend! I swear, I don't understand some people. It wasn't like I was immediately trying to have sex with her!
Oh yeah, so fellas, the next time you're about to approach a girl, make sure you check to see if the boyfriend is around.
Afterwards, the choice is yours.
Oh yeah, if mr. jealous boyfriend happens to read this, please try to understand that I bear you no ill will. It was just a simple misunderstanding.
I was merely just saying hello to an acquaintance. And yes, I grind with all of my acquaintances.
And I also didn't mean that whole, "subtle mix of repressed rage and mild constipation, with a healthy splash of 'ugly'". I really didn't mean that. Or at least, I meant it in the best way possible. I'm sure that the lighting was bad or something...
...
Anyhoo...How about them Patriots huh? huh? Anyone?
User Reviews
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2004-02-12 21:44:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Whaaaatt???
U R SOFA KING WE TODD IT
Submitted by EvilZurr (user info) at 2004-02-12 19:01:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
made me smile
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-02-12 18:48:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i used the "thunder and lightning, put 'em and together and you get a storm" thing once, and i just got laughed at. motherfuckers are lucky it wasn't hurricane season...
Submitted by quack (user info) at 2004-02-12 18:30:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"And I also didn't mean that whole, "subtle mix of repressed rage and mild constipation, with a healthy splash of 'ugly'". I really didn't mean that. Or at least, I meant it in the best way possible. I'm sure that the lighting was bad or something..."
sounds like you're afraid of him to me. what happened to the talk of kicking his ass and pissing on his lifeless body? hmm.