Things I'd Rather Do Than Celebrate Valentine's Day. (640 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: -0.92 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Erin K <baffledpoet.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-02-14 07:32:43 EST
Okay, not exactly the most original of topics. So crucify me. It's my first post, it's 7:21 AM EST, and I'm feeling bitter and ranty. Whee!
(Incidentally, rather than v-day, I shall refer to today as VD-day, because we all know it's about sex, and not, ... oh what's that word? Oh, yeah. Love.)
In no particular order...
1. Receive an enema from a large woman of dubious hygeine named Betty Sue.
2. Get a root canal. Without novacaine.
Corollary: Perform fellatio on the dentist directly afterward.
3. Cut off my left pinky toe and lob it at Supreme Court Justice William Rehnquist. (Actually, this would just be fun.)
4. See my soon-to-be-sister-in-law's brother naked. (Trust me, this one's gross.)
5. Have sex with a porcupine.
6. Sit through an entire viewing of the so-called movie Dirty Dancing. (My soul shivers just thinking about it!)
Substitution: Sit through an entire viewing of Oprah!
7. Read a book by Bill O'Reilly. (Aaaaaaahh!)
--
That's it for now. I grow weary. Anyone got anything else to add?
User Reviews
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-04-18 10:27:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Cassiopeia (user info) at 2004-02-19 11:02:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Walrus_King (user info) at 2004-02-14 12:13:52 (#)
Ranking: 0
Cass No point telnig them never to say first post again. thier never going have a first post again are they?
*********************
good point...
Submitted by BongZilla (user info) at 2004-02-14 17:58:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
crap.
Submitted by TonyMontana (user info) at 2004-02-14 16:37:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You really thought this one was going to be funny, didn't you? You were sitting there all giddy that your fat ass was about to produce something hilarious but guess what, it sucks dick. This is just not funny. I'm sorry you were expecting a positive review to numb the pain of your fat ass lonely existence but that will not happen today.
Submitted by Lynn (user info) at 2004-02-14 15:54:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Actually, it's National Singles Awareness DAy.
Ok, that was really dumb, but hey, so was this post.
Submitted by Freight_Train (user info) at 2004-02-14 15:29:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-02-14 15:15:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Scientifik (user info) at 2004-02-14 13:30:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-02-14 12:59:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You forgot:
9) Ask a Latino dude to anally rape your female virgin ass.
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2004-02-14 12:57:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Woaho, you are DARK!
Submitted by critical_condition (user info) at 2004-02-14 12:32:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Shit, Sideburns beat me to that one.
Submitted by critical_condition (user info) at 2004-02-14 12:32:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
8. Obviously, writing a shitty post.
Submitted by Walrus_King (user info) at 2004-02-14 12:13:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Cass No point telnig them never to say first post again. thier never going have a first post again are they?
ah well
Submitted by Cassiopeia (user info) at 2004-02-14 09:04:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
For the love of god dont tell us it's your 1st post!!!! Now normally, my -2 machine automatically pumps out a -2 when the words "first post" is read... but since I kinda liked the post i'm only banishing you with a -1... but beware my child.... beware!!
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-02-14 08:12:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
8. Read this post.
-Sideburns