Lurker No More (628 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1.47 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by fours (View user info) at 2004-02-15 02:34:10 EST
I was going to be all creative and write an intruiging introduction story cementing myself as one bad ass writer and win you all over because -Who wants thier first post to be an absolute pile of manure? Plus, this is the internet where everything matters and there is no outside world. So I have to be original AND witty but not too original or I might get shunned right? And getting flamed by people you don't know is like, just unbearable. THen I remembered that you have no clue who I am and I don't really care about what happens online. Cute post or not you guys won't care so why bother? So here's my story: A few months ago I lost a hooked-up Compaq to bad parts, forcing me to fire up a really old paperweight named Aptiva. This thing is old, I think it has a 28k modem with a 1 gig harddrive. No downloading music, being all artsy in Photoshop or even looking at web sites with more than 3 medium sized graphics. So I can only read websites like fark.com and message boards and the like. I come across Ubersite.com somehow and I am hooked. Had to sign up. Some of the posts on here are hilarious. You guys are creative, and have some interesting stories to tell. I used to volunteer at a hospital and those people have good stories. This site is like working at that hospital, without the mono-tasting food and musty smell. Now that I am a member I get to rate your posts, and post. Hooray. I will lay off the writing for the most part seeing the only time I come on here is when I am platered or overtired. And who would bother to read posts littered with bad grammar, poor punctuation/capitalization, a sick sense of humor with a side of bad attitude? I jump around alot thanks to the ADHD as well. Plus, I have the attention span of an sparrow. I like to think I know good stories, those are the ones I can read and not be distracted by shiney objects around me or things that move -like my hands. There are a few I have to go back and rate because I found them so deep or humorous. I can be insightful, and I do have good stories. By "insightful" I mean 'retarded' and "good stories" mean 'imaginary friends.' One of my jobs is at a local grocer, and if you like to people watch you know some of the things you might have seen. I might post those stories some time. Especially the games we play with them while working. ANything else you would like to know about me? Comedy Central and strippers are what keep me waking up every morning. I love my life. I have a great family, great friends, and a really bright future. I am also a compulsive liar. I use the word "like" way too much. I hate myself and I hate you too. And I am drunk right now. I just read too many posts about why you guys hate V day. SO hopefully one more pointless thread here won't waste TOO much of youre time. If that is the case: Flame away folks.
User Reviews
Submitted by kgbpasha (user info) at 2004-02-16 18:23:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
What everyone else said.
You were the best when lurking.
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-02-16 18:17:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Holy Crap we passed 6000!!!!!!!!
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-02-16 18:16:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"Who wants thier first post to be an absolute pile of manure?"
Let me give you a hint... Starts with "f" and rhymes with "yours."
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-02-16 18:00:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
all the text makes me dizzy.
please go shit yourself to death. fucknut.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2004-02-16 17:46:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
i'm sorry, i tried to read this, but i just couldn't concentrate with this format
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2004-02-16 01:07:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"who would bother to read posts littered with bad grammar, poor punctuation/capitalization, a sick sense of humor with a side of bad attitude?"
Indeed.
Submitted by Tastycat (user info) at 2004-02-16 01:05:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No, it is one paragraph. Look at a book; the first paragraph is almost never indented. And there are two spaces after every period too, or, there should be.
Ah, the things they never teach in school.
-2 for a shitty post
Submitted by Lucifer_Industries (user info) at 2004-02-16 00:57:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I hope you die soon.
Malone
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-02-16 00:52:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Go back to lurking.
I couldn't even be bothered reading this piece of shit past the title.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2004-02-15 14:16:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-02-15 14:13:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Here, I'll show you your mistakes.
Sentence one highlights your lack of ability to punctuate. It gets worse throughout.
Discussion of your Aptiva. Mistake. No one cares.
Rambling about working at the hospital. No.
"I will lay off the writing for the most part..." I can only hope that this is a promise.
"And who would bother to read posts littered with bad grammar, poor punctuation/capitalization, a sick sense of humor with a side of bad attitude?" Good point.
Every mention of your ADHD was a mistake.
Don't tell us that you HAVE good stories, tell them to us.
Don't hope that we won't have wasted TOO much of our time reading this pile of verbal vomit, just don't fucking waste front page space with a demonstration of reasons you should be shot outright.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2004-02-15 12:10:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
wow. i can't believe you haven't died yet. sometimes i smile when i see people like you on the street, because i think to myself "wow, that's incredible" seriously, how've you not already fallen real hard or gotten hit by something and died? it's incredible to see someone so completely mis-created as you still walking around. kudos!
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-02-15 11:49:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
OK, I read it this time. Alright, but seriously...if you have ADHD, read your own post and ask yourself if it is easy to stick to.
Also, the paragraphs. I would finish one line and have to find a straight-edge to be sure I wrapped around to the next line istead of another.
Submitted by TaK (user info) at 2004-02-15 10:39:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
only a 0 because I didn't read it.
Paragraphs man, paragraphs.
Also, "Lurker No Longer" would have been a cooler title.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-02-15 07:42:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I liked you better as a lurker.
-Sideburns
Submitted by Falconer (user info) at 2004-02-15 05:35:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2004-02-15 03:21:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Well, I guess it's back to not posting for you.
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2004-02-15 03:15:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sure it was, they didn't indent to show for the first one.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-02-15 02:49:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
It's not zero paragraphs. It is one gigantic paragraph.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-02-15 02:46:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I can't believe I read that. I really am bored.
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2004-02-15 02:43:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Zero paragraphs equal BAD! Eyes burn, eyes burn.
Submitted by PolPot (user info) at 2004-02-15 02:38:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
FARK = SHIT