Old Home Movies: Pimpin' At 3 Years Old (2538 hits)
Category: Movies & TVRating: 1.07 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sideburns (View user info) at 2004-02-15 12:49:10 EST
http://www.ubersite.com/m/25125 Old Home Movies: Dad the Porno Guy
http://www.ubersite.com/m/25164 Old Home Movies: Dad the Porno Guy, Continued
http://www.ubersite.com/m/25239 Old Home Movies: Meet the Family Part 1- Aunt Tammie
http://www.ubersite.com/m/25316 Old Home Movies: Meet the Family Part 2- Drunk Mom
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I had enough time to watch another old home movie this week. It was quite amusing, at least I didn't see any naked people in this one. The date was March 6, 1987. It was my third birthday, and of course with it being a special occasion, dad has to video-tape every minute of it.
There were about 8 kids in attendance, all with their mothers. No fathers were in attendance, so either these women were divorced, single, or the dads didn't want to show up to some stupid birthday party. I vouch for the last one. Of course, my dad being the hormone-driven male he is, had a field trip with all these single women in attendance. Did I mention my mom was there too? When he wasn't filming my best friend's mom's huge ass or some lady's funbags, he actually got some shots of the party in. The kids(all boys) were busy sword fighting with the balloons. But where was I? This is my birthday party and I'm not there?
The camera zooms over to the couch where an 8 year old girl is sitting. I'm sitting right beside her, hand on her knee. I'm barely three years old and already enjoying the presence of a lady. There was a 5 year age difference between us at the time, but that's okay. Obviously I liked the older ladies. You can tell she wasn't interested, because she was leaning in the opposite direction from me. Dad sits the camcorder down on the coffee table, but facing the couch where I'm sitting. I didn't know it was sitting there obviously. Dad then proceeds to leave the room.
Being three and knowing it's not often that your parents are going to leave you alone with a girl, I made my move. First, I started off with a subtle conversation:
"Do yew wike my toys?"
She didn't say a word. She looked at me like I was crazy. Okay, my smooth conversation opener didn't budge her. Maybe if I let her know that I'm interested in her, she'll give me a chance:
I get up and go off camera. I come back with a balloon and offer it to her. "Hurr. Dis is for yew". She takes the balloon in hand. Yes! I'm in. If you accept a gift from a guy, you're obviously showing interest. After a few moments of awkward silence, I decide to just lay it all on the line. I do what any guy would do at my age when trying to win over the interest of the opposite sex...
I stuck my tongue in her ear.
She then gets up and walks to the chair where my best friend, 4 year old Jason, is sitting. She starts hitting him with the balloon that I gave her. Whoa. What is this? Flirting with another guy, I see. I try to draw the attention off of him by distraction. I get up and look out the window, "Ooooh, Aiw Pwane!". She doesn't even notice. I knew I had been defeated by a better man. I took the defeat in stride, held my head high and did what any defeated man would do.
I went and played balloon sword fight with the other kids.
That stupid bitch.
-Sideburns
User Reviews
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-02-19 00:36:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit, Sideburns... you're exactly two weeks younger than me... (Feb. 21st, '84. As I recall, '84 was a leap year too)
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-02-16 11:21:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awwwwww. I can just picture you at 3 years old trying to pick up the older women. Hehehe.
Cute story.
:-)
Phoenix
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-02-16 03:57:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't mind the tongue, Justy. It was the whole "sneak attack" I objected to.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-02-16 01:26:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks Sideburns.
Apology accepted.
Time to move on.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-02-16 01:24:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought you gave me the -2 in retort to disagreeing with you about Jonukah's column.
My apologies.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-02-16 01:10:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-02-16 00:58:03 (#)
Ranking: -2
I have that power too, bud."
That was pathetic Sideburns.
Your previous posts about the old movies cracked me up.
This one however just did not work for me.
To me it seemed forced and I think that you need to move on.
The theme is getting boring.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-02-16 00:47:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Wow that one really held me. Not.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2004-02-15 23:56:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Aww how cute, a mini pimp.
Submitted by Zod (user info) at 2004-02-15 22:00:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Playa from day one, fo real.
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2004-02-15 17:37:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
chuckle
Submitted by Mac (user info) at 2004-02-15 16:52:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good stroy sideburns.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-02-15 16:37:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awww! You little pimp daddy!
Submitted by russizm (user info) at 2004-02-15 13:28:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you pimp.