that wasn't a pillow! (FLEECE REINDEER SWEATER) (545 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0 on 2 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by tardbacon (View user info) at 2004-02-15 14:59:36 EST
that was a beer covered floor layered in filth!
dig, i've slept on many, many floors over the years but that was the worst! do you understand the implications of using the word "worst"?!
i was really into raising the flagpole into this one stupid drunk girl but i forgot how shitty kids are. you remember kids? you were one of those annoying pieces of shit at one time too. we're talking 19 year old fucktards who have no goddamn clue... i have a clue! and the board game clue! i have very little class, however, but i'm convinced i had 300% more class than anyone who plays the fucking beastie boys at a party... really, that's like sawing off your musical taste with a blunt turd. actually, i think my class meter dipped down way before i passed out on the beer soaked linoleum... at one point i tried to hit on this really annoying chick because i could tell she was stupid as a balooon but i ended up sitting way to close to her male friend and realized i was, in body movement, hitting on him... not because i dig dudes, but because my abilty to stand was comprimised. anyway, as the evening unfolded shit got gayer that that...
ever flirt with a cute girl and end up having more common with the shitheel that is trying to lick her poonanny? yeah, "i LOVE that one pink floyd record!" might as well say, "put your shit on my dick right now!"
segue...
back to the floor... so, i gave up any hope of sacking said cute girl after said shitheel put on the RED HOT CHILLI PEPPERS!!!!!!!!!!! fuck a retarded duck! imagine this scene: i'm in a room with a cute girl, a drunk girl with ugly dreadlocks, a guy who put on a RED HOT CHILLI PEPPERS album(which already guarantees the cute girl's clitoris all over his tounge) and some teenage turd in a fleece reindeer sweater (reindeer!!!). i decided that my best option was to be coy and stupid... (a good tactic for someone with very little "legitimate" personality) so i start begging for attention by being funny. GOD FORBID! i held a puppet show with some shoes and even did a pratfall. granted, the topic of horseshit is far more entertaining than some drunk motherfucker being bored... shitheel makes out with girl, dreadlock weirdo leaves with 19 year old douche in tow and i'm sitting there listening to the RED HOT CHILLI PEPPERS!!!! that's when i decided i was no where near drunk enough to handle the pain...
things get fuzzy at this point... half empty cups of keg beer... trying to make dick jokes to a hippy... almost falling face first into the bonfire... giving myself the thumbs-up in the mirror...
*stop*
all memory of being a sentient being with free will and the power to make really good dick jokes is gone... toasted...
good morning! hmm, what's up with this bed? it's sticky and covered with 3 different kinds of filth. hello! that's the kitchen floor!!
my really hott (with 2 "t"s), non-RED HOT CHILLI PEPPERS listening body peeled away from the layers of spilt beer and filth to see reindeer motherfucker curled up on the couch like some reighdeer fucking piece of really comfortable shit.
ok, i do not believe in karma, but that motherfucker needs three kick in the testicles. FLEECE REINDEER SWEATER! that's it! you play the RED HOT CHILLI TURDFUCKERS or wear a REINDEER sweater and you will not wake up to a sticky rancid beer pillow...
actually, i do believe in karma... i will get a great blowjob today because i don't wear FLEECE REINDEER SWEATERS!
i do pratfalls!
User Reviews
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2004-02-15 18:11:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
AHHHH *head explodes*
Submitted by Cassiopeia (user info) at 2004-02-15 15:09:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I stopped at "blunt turd"
I think all my turds would qualify under the "blunt" classification.