Confessions of Franger: What's missing? (820 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.8 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Franger (View user info) at 2004-02-15 19:32:08 EST
Its often strange how life works, and the dementia that humans seem to constantly suffer from will always amaze me, I really should have become a psychiatrist. My saying that lends to this story as they always say that people that become psychiatrists are those who merely want to figure out their own problems.
Recently I underwent a massive life change, I completely flipped my life upside down. You see for the past year and a half I had been living back in my home town of Mackay. I was born in that town, and then my family moved around for a few years and then by the time I was 10 we were back in that same town in a house that was literally just 1km (about .6 of a mile) down the road from the house we lived in when I was born. I then went away to uni but at the end of all that I moved home again to help my father run the farm after he became injured. This town always grabbed me back I couldn't escape, logic and circumstances always brought me back. However I could take it no longer, I decided to break the cycle, to give fate the finger. I quit my cushy network admin job at the law firm where I could do nothing all day and just browse forums like Ubersite, I abandoned my best friend to his own devices and I hope that he finally breaks free from the town too, I told my parens I simply couldn't stay there anymore and I needed to be away from them, I left my nieces and nephews who idolised me, afterall, I'm the guy who doesn't discipline them and brings them toys.
But all that is mere background information. I left the town and I moved to Brisbane, the capital of my state, Queensland, over here in Australia. What did I have to go on? A sales job with no retainer that was just pure commission where its a hard sell everytime, one of a good friend's first love that I barely know and is so desparate to get away from her parents that she said she wants to live with me, and my only real hope, the $10000 I'd saved while working at my network admin job. When I arrived things turned out to be worse than I thought they would be, my job I have yet to make a single sale in in the 2 weeks I've been working here, my flatmate to be didn't have a house ready and still doesn't even now, and the guy who got me the job that I was counting on to help me out has gone to America for a month on the day I started my job. But things got worse from there, my friends which I all knew down in Brisbane who were always so enthusiastic to see me when I was visiting seem to forget I'm here half the time and forget to call me. A girl I met on the very night I arrived down here then dumped me 4 days before valentines day, timing it perfectly such that I was just starting to like her as opposed to seeing her merely as some short term fun. A good friend of mine no longer speaks to me because she says I said the worst possible thing I could to her, I still don't know what it is.
It was at this point I began to wonder why I bothered moving, what was different here from when I lived back home, I still rarely see my friends and that was the purpose of moving. But then things finally came together. Suddenly a girl I used to know from uni who lives right next to the clubs says her flatmate just moved out and she needs a flatmate urgently, did I mention shes a model? My job changed shape, I haven't done any sales in a while, now I do web administration, beta testing for software and I just got offered the chance to run some internet cafes that the company owns. My friends suddenly seemed to remember I exist, and I have trouble deciding what to do on some days as I have had more than one offer for that day. And somehow I've managed to walk onto the state team for my favourite sport.
But now I look at my life and I look back to before I moved, and I realise that this wasn't the problem, my job wasn't a problem, my distance from my friends wasn't the problem, and my living in the country wasn't the problem. But the thing is, I still feel like I don't know what the problem is, I don't know what's missing, I'm still searching and trying to fill tha gap.
So the moral of the story? There isn't one, but if you feel like there should be one maybe you have the same problem I do, you can't just accept things for how they are, there isn't a reason or a purpose or a meaning, there is just what there is.
User Reviews
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2007-07-30 02:56:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by Franger (user info) at 2007-07-30 02:47:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Gorillaz?
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You were meant to do a post explaining how you arrive at that conclusion you know.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2007-02-15 02:24:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
holy fuck you've been away for awhile.
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2004-08-07 23:41:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Plus one million, because I'm in the midst of doing the same thing. I leave in October....fuck this place. Bravo for things working out..
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2004-08-07 23:25:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by mujer_alterada (user info) at 2004-08-06 22:46:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cool entry!
Submitted by Franger at 2004-02-18 00:06:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't believe this got less reviews than my porn postings.
Submitted by K.M (user info) at 2004-02-16 14:10:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
rock on.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2004-02-16 13:52:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
finding a purpose in life is both the most exciting and most depressing part of being alive
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-02-15 23:33:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Banana bender. Thats what the problem is.
hahahaha chortle
Ok that was a bit juvenile but thats how I am feeling today. Well more correctly pissed off and don't really know why.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-02-15 22:26:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No great gains can be made without first taking a leap of faith. You had the drive and the ability for greatness when you lived at home. You just didn't have the opportunity to let it shine. One of the hardest things to do in life is leave your comfort zone. Just because things are okay now doesn't mean they can't get better. It may be hard at first, as it was for you, but the rewards can far outweigh the costs. Bravo.
Submitted by ronnockeem (user info) at 2004-02-15 19:40:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I think exactly like that, all day long, and it bothers the hell out of me. Right now I don't have any choices as to where I live, or what I do. In a year, I'll have to make the choices.
Here is my advice to you:
Think about it. You're an athlete. That's badass. You seem to like your job. That's badass. You live with a model. Enough said. You are living the American Dream (Australian Dream?). Enjoy it now before you go bald.