Why Guys Should Never Even Want to Understand Women (1585 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.51 on 42 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Phoenix <volklcess.at.aol.com> (View user info) at 2004-02-16 14:15:02 EST
I have three weddings to go to this year. THREE!! I don't think I've even been to three in my entire life, but all of a sudden a handful of people I know have decided they want to tie the knot. I'm a bridesmaid in one of the weddings, and lo and behold, I actually LIKE the dress - it's not some ridiculous frilly monstrosity in fuchsia or some lacy baby blue eyesore. It's light yellow - a summery color for a summery wedding - and strapless. Do you think it would be wrong if I just wore it to all three weddings this year? A wedding invitation is basically a notice that someone's getting married and they're just letting you know you have to buy them a gift, so if I'm already dumping money into a toast maker than no one'll ever use, can't I save myself some money and wear the same dress to all the weddings? Then I'll just bleach it white for whenever I get married (not really...I'm not *that* much of a penny pincher).
I spent my Valentine's Day dragging my boyfriend along to a bridal store in Roseville (a two hour drive from Reno) so that I could try on this dress and leave feeling victorious over some bitchy salesgirl who could've theoretically ruined my day.
The bridal store was packed. I've never been in a bridal store, and if you haven't either, imagine a white fluffy hell filled to the max capacity with moody estrogen - there were apathetic mothers who had sat through thirty to forty dresses, there were excited bridesmaids squealing like little pigs, and then there were the bridezillas, oh my; this dress is too long, this dress doesn't push my boobs up enough, I don't like this dress, I don't like that dress.
My boyfriend, being the only guy in the store (and the only guy within a 50-foot radius for that matter) decided to camp out on a couch and make himself as invisible as possible while I disappeared with a retail girl to find the dress I needed to try on for the wedding.
"About what size are you?" the salesgirl asked when we found the dress.
"Hmmm. About a 4 or 6."
We started digging through the rack looking for either of the sizes; no sixes seemed to be around, so she pulled out a four. "I don't think we have any sixes left."
"Oh, well that's fine. I'll just try on the four." I hold my hand out for it, and she pulls it out of my reach as she looks me up and down and says in apparently the smuggest voice she can sum up:
"Yeah, well, if the four doesn't zip up than you'll know you're a six."
In the world of females, this is a big no-no in the Girls' Code. I'm not big - quite skinny actually. A six is by no means a large size, but when talking dress sizes one should *always* start low and work their way up. If a girl who's a size 12 insists she can squeeze into a size 8, then by God, you let her try on that size 8 and don't make snooty comments like, "well, if it doesn't zip up...." And so it is written in the ancient book of Girls' Codes.
Fine. We'll play it her way. I find a six nestled deep in among the other dresses and pull it out. "Here's a six," I said. "I'll just try on both, if that's okay with you." (HUGE emphasis on the "if that's okay with you"). I wanted to deck the bitch. How DARE she look at me the way she did and make supercilious comments implying that I can't fit in a size four. She snatches the six away from me and leads me to a dressing room.
I tried on the six first. It was too big. You can't begin imagine the excitement I felt at the feeling of the six sagging around me - no, not because I was a size four, but because I'd proved that bitch wrong with her ludicrous, stuck-up attitude. I made a point of strutting around the store in the size four, did a couple twirls for my boyfriend, and when the retail bitch was within hearing distance said loudly, "Well, I guess I can tell Holly I'll need a size four."
The female species is an odd bunch, aren't they? Guys, you always complain that you don't understand women and this story should be an example of why that's probably for the best...
User Reviews
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2007-12-19 17:12:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2004-02-16 15:09:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Poor Matt... I certainly hope you made him feel like a man later after all that estrogen exposure...
Poor lil guy musta been all freaked out..
-=turtle=-
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-03-24 17:19:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"can't I save myself some money and wear the same dress to all the weddings?"
That comment alone makes your boyfriend a lucky, lucky man.
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-02-17 16:45:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That doesn't seem overly complicated at all - I don't see why guys would not understand. But then again...
Find one of those little comment cards and complain about the bitchy clerk! People like that should not work in retail.
Submitted by xLisaCatx (user info) at 2004-02-17 10:56:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This has happened to me before except the sales rep happened to be a man speaking with a lisp. He also suggested one size too big. I wanted to rip him a new one.
Submitted by Trout (user info) at 2004-02-17 08:28:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I had never been to a wedding in my life until last year when i got 5 different invites.
Anyway - size 4???
Is that a British 6?
Even then Britains size 6 is small.
It's generally considered good in Britain if a woman is a size 10 although I prefer 12's myself.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-02-16 23:20:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think that was one of Big Mike's more baffling responses, although I agree - a Perfect 12 is where it's at.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-02-16 23:01:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
In another life I used to sell womens clothing so I can almost always guess right on size.
If I have to guess though....I always guess way low.
For instance....if she looks like a 16 but I am not sure if she is a 16 or an 18....I guess 12.
If she is an 8, but I am not sure if she is an 8 or a 10, I guess 6.
Unless she is a perfect 12. I don't know or care about any of you guys but there is something very sexy and alluring about a perfect 12.
Submitted by Tastycat (user info) at 2004-02-16 18:04:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm never going to understand girls. And I don't really care, as long as I've got one to talk to.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-02-16 17:25:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i stopped trying to understand you crazy females a long time ago.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-02-16 17:18:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My little brother just proposed to his girlfriend on Saturday, while we were sitting around after dinner.
It'll take me 15 mins. to find a tuxedo that makes me look like James Bond. Just thought I'd mention that.
Submitted by Zod (user info) at 2004-02-16 16:55:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I personally understand exactly what you're talking. I happen to work at a bridal store, and let me tell you sister, you women can be bitches! Ooh boy, I can't remember the last time I went a day without getting atleast a nasty look from one of you dress-hounds.
Lemme tell you , girlfriend...you ladies better watch yo'selves, cause i'm bout to go buck wild on ya'll!
(Note: Disregard everything said above. None of it is true.)
Submitted by NavyJester (user info) at 2004-02-16 16:45:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Phoenix -
Of course we men WANT to understand women.
It's just that when we try, we fail miserably.
That must be some pretty powerful poon to make a man want to go with you to a bridal store two hours away, and on Valentine's Day, no less...personally, I would have stayed home with a six pack and a bag of Funyuns.
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-02-16 16:44:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hahaha. You crack me up, Kwisten. Are you working? You should be on AIM so you can talk to me!
:-)
Phoenix
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-02-16 16:40:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I get to wear a red halter dress to the wedding I'm in in April.
I'll never wear mine again.
Stupid bride and her stupid dresses.
BTW, that lady was a complete bitch. You should have farted in the dressing room and then asked her for help zipping your gown.
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2004-02-16 16:22:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
girls are a weird bunch
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-02-16 15:41:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
P.S. If it wasn't classified as assault, I would hit a saleswoman right in the mouth if she said something like that to Firefly.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-02-16 15:40:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I used to work in a sporting goods place that sold team uniforms. Picture large, junior league women coming in to order tennis skirts for the club team. It was fucking awful. My first mistake was in blindly ordering the sizes they told me they were. Disaster struck when they came in to pick them up and then and only then decided to try them on. A size 8 - yea lady for which butt cheek? Oh they must run small, nope you just run big. Did I just hear a ripping sound? If your fat ass ripped that, you just bought it sister.
I don't work with the public anymore for a reason.
+2 because you got a man to go into a bridal store with you - very powerful kung fu that.
Submitted by LacyFace16 (user info) at 2004-02-16 15:30:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
so funny. i love being a girl.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-02-16 15:29:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Phoenix...
Have you ever noticed that we post next to each other at least twice a week? Every time I freakin' post, I see that you've posted at the same time.
Razor
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-02-16 15:22:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Your boyfriend called.
He wants his testicles back
-------------------------------------
Excellent!
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-02-16 15:18:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't you worry about Matt, Turtle. I made it up to him.
;-)
Phoenix
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2004-02-16 15:09:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Poor Matt... I certainly hope you made him feel like a man later after all that estrogen exposure...
Poor lil guy musta been all freaked out..
-=turtle=-
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-02-16 14:56:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm on instant messenger.
Sorry, I was eating.
-Sideburns
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-02-16 14:55:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't have female friends, either, but it still would have pissed me off to be treated that way by a sales clerk. I hate supercilious people, male or female.
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2004-02-16 14:55:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I spent my Valentine's Day dragging my boyfriend along to a bridal store in Roseville"
Your boyfriend called.
He wants his testicles back.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-02-16 14:49:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I only know three things about women, and I think they're all I need to know.
1. Smell Nice
2. Soft
3. Have Nice Bumps
I got all the important things right?
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-02-16 14:49:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sideburns - Where the hell are you??
Submitted by Raimee (user info) at 2004-02-16 14:48:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Oh my.
Exactly why I don't have female friends.
Maybe I was suppossed to be born a male.
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-02-16 14:46:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
PukingDog - I would've loved to try the dress on in Reno, but I couldn't because there's no David's Bridal store in Reno. Sorry for being so vague on that in my story, guess it does seem kind of strange that I would drive 2 hours to try on a dress.
And as for my boyfriend, trying on the dress wasn't the only reason we went to Roseville.
PHX
Submitted by GrizzlyHunter62 (user info) at 2004-02-16 14:40:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
HAHAHA. Women are so much fun. If i was your boyfriend I would have enjoyed seeing your reaction there. Oh my gosh. Good stuff.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-02-16 14:37:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice story, Ewika. It's almost as if you told me it before. So when's OUR wedding?
-Sideburns
Submitted by PukingDog (user info) at 2004-02-16 14:36:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, see, you think you won because you fit in the four. But the real reason that guys should not try to understand women is hidden in your story... and, it makes you more of a stereotypical girlie girl than I think you think you are. Can you figure it out? Hmmm? Okay, I'll tell you:
You drove two fucking hours to try on a dress that you had no intention of buying! Why the fuck couldn't you do that in Reno? That is the shit that makes men crazy to the point of stupidity - enough little scenarios like that and we just give up mentally. Don't you love him?!?!?
Submitted by Jester (user info) at 2004-02-16 14:35:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You cant imagine how excited i was when i got back into a 34 inch waist.
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2004-02-16 14:35:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 you go girl!!!
I had almost the same experience this weekend at an anchor blue.... I have been losing weight so I wasn't sure what size I need. I asked for a 9 and a 12 and she told me that these run 'really, really small' so neither one would fit. I tried on the smallest pair and voila, it fit with enough room to allow me to sit. I won't tell all of you what I told her....it wasn't very nice!! <s>
Submitted by T.chow (user info) at 2004-02-16 14:34:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2004-02-16 14:24:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
=======================================================
hahahahaha
oh my beautiful lisa, i will be your butterfly if you will be my bereft and black-haired raven
i'm sure she is wretching right now
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-02-16 14:27:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Score one for you!
"Yeah, well, if the four doesn't zip up than you'll know you're a six."
Who the hell SAYS that? Especially in a BRIDAL SHOP?!? I bet her ass will be gone within the month. It would be great to hear her try that with an evil bride hopped up on flower arranging techniques.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-02-16 14:24:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Phew! That's good. She doesn't deserve a commission for that behavior. I hate snooty retail bitches. Quite often they think they are somehow above the rest of us even though they work in a service-oriented industry.
Submitted by gascs (user info) at 2004-02-16 14:24:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's like when I go to Wal-Mart, and I want to try on some spandex pants, and the guy is like, "Oh, no, honey, I don't think you're a 34x31. You should try on this 36x29."
Wait, actually, it's nothing like that.
What's Wal-Mart?
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2004-02-16 14:24:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I went into a bridal shop once with my sister and one of her girlfriends.
Picture this: me + long hair + black t-shirt + black pants + BIG black boots + chains at the waist + *innocent smile* = every single person in the store starring with disgust until the manager asked me to leave. I waited outside for me sister.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2004-02-16 14:24:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-02-16 14:23:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Anansie - the girl who's getting married lives in Scottsdale so she's ordering all the dresses in Arizona. I just went there to try on the dress, thank GOD I didn't have to buy it from her so she got commission. That would've pissed me off even further.
:-)
Phoenix
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-02-16 14:20:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That bitch. You know she got a commission for that sale, don't you? I would have made sure that did not happen. Am I a little too vindictive?
Anyway, unless the dress matches the color/design scheme for all three weddings, you can't wear it. Unless the brides don't care. Or were you kidding. I will assume you are kidding.