My Apartment - Episode IV: No Hope (6018 hits)
Category: Science & EnvironmentalRating: 1.27 on 84 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Bart Cilfone <uberuser.at.cilfone.com> (View user info) at 2004-02-17 03:51:47 EST
This is a picture of the fridge in my apartment.
[Insert thousand words here]
A couple items of note that, as impossible as it may seem, actually make this picture worse than it looks:
* I got that bottle of wine at my company Christmas party. In December 2000.
* While I was still dating one of my ex-girlfriends, she made fun of me for having kept that box of wine in the fridge for so long. We broke up almost three years ago.
* On the middle shelf between the iced tea and the Heineken, there is a can of V8. I've never drank V8 in my life. I have no idea where that came from.
* The drawer in the bottom of the fridge is empty as is the butter tray. The freezer above has nothing but a box of Girl Scout cookies.
* The kiwi on the door is so old that it has completely dried out and is now hollow. It looks like a kiwi, but it feels like a ping pong ball.
Depending on reaction, I may make this a series. Future pictures could include my power strip, my ghetto shower, and my comedy / mobster / lesbian vampire dvd collection.
User Reviews
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2007-09-14 16:32:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
holy fuck... it is box-o-wine.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-10-12 16:22:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
ha!
box o' wine!
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-05-31 22:10:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thats a kiwi, not a lime, idiot.
Submitted by shadowofthedivine (user info) at 2005-05-31 20:51:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
its all soft drinks and booze, how do you sleep?
more to the point, how do you live...
oooh, its tuesday, better have another bite of that lime.
mmmm, going a bit brown.
and are we actually allowed to minus bart's posts
Submitted by transhuman (user info) at 2005-05-31 20:45:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by McMuffin (user info) at 2004-04-03 05:44:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
"lesbian vampire dvd collection."?!?!?!?(?!?!?!?!?!?)!?
Please!
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-05-31 20:23:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Drink much?
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-05-31 19:55:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Drunko!
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-05-31 19:50:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
is that a brown lime next to the soy sauce?
*pukes*
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-12-20 12:10:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't notice this before... LEINIES!!!! WOOOO!!! Honey Weiss is kick ass.
Submitted by snootymop (user info) at 2004-09-04 13:10:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
tee hee hee
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-08-25 21:19:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
How rare!
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-08-04 08:58:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
+2 for owning Newcastle Brown
-2 for not drinking it
Submitted by Deisangua (user info) at 2004-04-13 12:55:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You stole my fridge, bitch.
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2004-04-13 12:42:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
holy shit
Submitted by McMuffin (user info) at 2004-04-03 05:44:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"lesbian vampire dvd collection."?!?!?!?(?!?!?!?!?!?)!?
Please!
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-04-03 05:38:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i find myself suddenly thirsty
Submitted by f.at.you.com <f.at.you.com> at 2004-03-29 17:42:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You fucking suck
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-03-16 23:33:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You drink skunky beer.
Submitted by country (user info) at 2004-03-13 00:11:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What is in the box next to the Heinekin? Probaby some left over from 2 1/2 years ago. I would imagine that is probably the last time real food made in to your apartment.
You are crazy!!!!!
Submitted by Dazd1 (user info) at 2004-03-11 11:16:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Liquid diet HAHA nice
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-03-11 06:07:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
But then again its probably not his beer, he probably stole it from a Jew or something so -2.
STILL AN EVEN 0! CAN'T COMPLAIN ABOUT THAT AYE BARTIE!
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-03-11 06:05:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WOW THIS IS THE 1ST +2 IM GIVING BART. WHY YOU ASK?
BECAUSE HE ACTUALLY HAS GOOD TASTE IN BEER!
I SEE A BOTTLE OF NEWCASTLE BROWN ALE IN THE FRIDGE. WELL DONE YOU HAVE TASTE.
That and the Heineken are the only real beers in the fridge.
Submitted by Murphy1844 (user info) at 2004-02-29 19:12:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I can imagine you pouring a glass of wine for a companion,
"2000 Chablis, baby"
Hahahaha.
Submitted by No.9 (user info) at 2004-02-23 13:36:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-02-17 15:14:18 (#)
Ranking: 0
Girls, I was on crutches TWO and a half years ago. http://www.ubersite.com/m/3008 If I had to guess, that's when the V8 showed up.
---------------------------------
Holy shit! Was that really 2 1/2 years ago?! Damn, Bart, clean out yer damn fridge!!!!
-No.9
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2004-02-23 04:38:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Is that fridge Jack Black's rider?
Submitted by Wave_Rider_Cafe (user info) at 2004-02-20 13:11:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You have the ultimat Every Man/ Edward Norton in "Fight Club" freezer: coke, beer, and condiments. Only wish you had some cake frosting in there as well.
Submitted by athena (user info) at 2004-02-19 13:29:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There appears to be no solid food in that
entire fridge only liquid
Submitted by DarthFaded (user info) at 2004-02-19 04:55:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Man....
-2 for not even having Ketchup.... That is Hardcore.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-02-19 00:46:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's true! Man can live on beverages alone.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2004-02-18 19:27:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
your fridge looks like mine, except you have more stuff... and i have more booze
plus a half-gallon of milk from 4 months ago
Submitted by cybercosis (user info) at 2004-02-18 17:32:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You have Leine's! God I miss Leine's. I haven't had a beer that good in years!
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-02-18 10:59:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought that was a lime.
Submitted by Nobb (user info) at 2004-02-18 06:11:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's a motherfucking kiwifruit motherfucker! A kiwi is a small flightless bird that is our national animal. That is a kiwifruit. God how I hate you Americans with every bone in my body, use the right words motherfuckers. Use the Metric system too, what's wrong with you?
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-02-18 01:28:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i assume you eat out everynight?
hahahaha bart's a drunk. but in a good way.
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2004-02-17 23:50:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Turk's Texas Box O' Wine!
Submitted by IndianOcean (user info) at 2004-02-17 19:32:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good taste in beer.
Submitted by fingerbang (user info) at 2004-02-17 18:36:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey bart, check out my recent post. Yep I'm retiring fingerbang. And if you are every down here in Champaign again, drop me an email and I'll show you my thesis results from this site.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-02-17 18:00:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I didn't know Newcastle Brown Ale got as far as Chicago. You'll be telling me they serve Bass next.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-02-17 15:44:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My roommates pack the fridge with all kinds of weird hippy food. Its all soy this and organic that and vegan whatchahoozits.
And then there is my pork chops and ham and sausage and stuff. And potatoes. Irish have to have their potatoes.
If you were to run a Google search on 'lesbian vampires', it'd probably take you at least twenty pages to get past all the porn and into the movies.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-02-17 15:14:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Girls, I was on crutches TWO and a half years ago. http://www.ubersite.com/m/3008 If I had to guess, that's when the V8 showed up.
The Miller Lite and Leinenkugel's are the newest things in there. I think I bought them both just this past New Years.
I NEVER eat any food in my apartment. Not at all. There are a lot of restaurants around town that I frequent, and there are always a couple thousand I've never been to. There's a reason why a few of my stories start off with something like "So, I was sitting in Clarke's diner the other day..." My friends and family make fun of me for my lack of desire to cook, but I maintain that it's both healthier and cheaper for me.
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-02-17 15:10:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I also have the same Brita pitcher. Were it not for the brand-name soda I could've mistaken it for my fridge.
:-)
Phoenix
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-02-17 15:09:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, I have that same box of wine.
Submitted by danifestmestiny (user info) at 2004-02-17 14:51:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the RC Cola trying to hide behind the water.
Submitted by No.9 (user info) at 2004-02-17 13:48:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Isn't that the New Castle I brought over when you were on crutches, at least a year and a half ago? I've seen your apartment, it's a very scary place...
-No.9
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-02-17 13:20:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't even want to know what the Hershey's syrup is for.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2004-02-17 13:20:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey... your coke bottles are the old design... Is Aust the only country with the 'contour' design bottles?
+2 for an entire fridge with no food whatsoever
Submitted by lissa at 2004-02-17 13:16:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Hey Bart, I'm the one that brought over the V8, along with a 6 pack of Miller Lite...last time I was in town. (about this time last year)
I knew you weren't returning my phone calls, but I had no idea you were holding my beverages hostage!
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-02-17 13:16:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
How embarassing . . . a fridge full of condiments and alcohol and no food.
Rizzo made me giggle.
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2004-02-17 13:09:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-02-17 04:01:53 (#)
Ranking: 0
And what did that can of Mountain Dew on the middle shelf do to deserve banishment from the box on the bottom shelf?
That was the funniest thing I read all day
Submitted by GreaterThanBest (user info) at 2004-02-17 12:33:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Do you eat food? Just wondering, I see drinks, no food.
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-02-17 12:25:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
There are a ton, and I mean a ton, of lesbian vampire movies out there, as it is a reaccuring theme. Probably as many as there are what you think of as normal vampire movies. They just aren't popularized as much. Some of them, you might not even realize are lesbian, of course. Just do a quick google search.
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-02-17 11:53:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ha! now i just have to hang out at downtown chicago restaurants if i want
to stalk you!
not that i do..
Submitted by xLisaCatx (user info) at 2004-02-17 11:46:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
My fridge is almost as bare, but instead of soda, I have alcohol.
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2004-02-17 10:47:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And it ain't Bart, it's DELUX, son, DELUX!
Submitted by Velouria (user info) at 2004-02-17 10:45:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Heh, liquid diet.
Submitted by Judoka (user info) at 2004-02-17 09:39:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
The only lesbian vampire movie I know is "The Hunger", starring Susan Saradon, David Bowie and Catherine DeNuve (Yum). If there are others let me know will you.
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2004-02-17 09:34:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Aged wine has character. Crack it open on your next date.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-02-17 09:15:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the Newc in the door.
Submitted by Jambo (user info) at 2004-02-17 09:03:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
But you drink New Castle. Cheers.
Nothing else matters, as long as you have New Castle.
Submitted by LacyFace16 (user info) at 2004-02-17 08:44:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I checked out the picture first and came to the conclusion you're an alcoholic. Then I read the post and I feel bad Bart! You're going to wither away into nothing! You need a good woman to come and take care of you!
Start the application process now...I'll get my resume ready!
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-02-17 08:41:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Fabish - That looks like one of those Brita things. Those water filters that make your tap water all nice and clean and tasty.
After close inspection, I realized that Bart drinks Miller Lite. Real men drink Sam Adams.
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2004-02-17 08:33:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
What's that coffee-filtering-looking-device clinging on to your bottle of RC? I demand an answer.
Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2004-02-17 08:30:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You can send me that V8, man.
Submitted by Manfre (user info) at 2004-02-17 08:25:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Here I thought only college guys had more beer then food in the fridge.
Are you sure youre not Van Wilder?
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-02-17 07:56:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
AAAAKK
I can't wait to see the pictures of the shower. I think I'm having post traumatic stess flashbacks, like Nam, only worse.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-02-17 07:25:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's exactly what a superhero's refrigerator WOULD look like!
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-02-17 07:13:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Plus two because my fridge goes through phases where it looks like this. Not for periods of several years though, so you win.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-02-17 05:14:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I got out of position #311 from the Kama Sutra, and you're more curious about my furry handcuff escape?
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-02-17 04:55:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I know you can tie cherry stems with your tongue, but lock picking??
Submitted by squattail (user info) at 2004-02-17 04:54:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
And you call my posts shit?
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-02-17 04:46:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Was that rhetorical or do you really want to know, Bart?
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-02-17 04:39:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-02-17 04:24:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-02-17 04:15:17 (#)
Ranking: 0
No, there is nothing to eat in the fridge or anywhere else in my apartment.
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That's because I'm not in your bedroom.
---------------------------------------------
How did you get out of the cuffs?
Submitted by Lucifer_Industries (user info) at 2004-02-17 04:32:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Ahh, Leinenkugels. Drinking the good stuff!
Malone
Lucifer Industries LLC
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-02-17 04:31:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Kristen - Bart doesn't know how to eat, just look at what's in his fridge. Of course, if you came to my bedroom.....
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-02-17 04:24:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-02-17 04:15:17 (#)
Ranking: 0
No, there is nothing to eat in the fridge or anywhere else in my apartment.
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That's because I'm not in your bedroom.
Submitted by Lyric (user info) at 2004-02-17 04:24:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What on Earth do you eat? Seriously, do you just pull out a piece of pop box cardboard to gnaw on?
Mmmmm...
Submitted by Trout (user info) at 2004-02-17 04:17:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Everything is liquid.
Where you hiding your food fridge?
I didn't know the states sold bottles of dog.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-02-17 04:15:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That ostricized can of Dew didn't come from the case. I think it appeared with the V8.
It's also important to note that I don't drink at home by myself. The last beer I had at home was over a month ago. I hate Newcastle and I'm not a big fan of Heineken, but someone brought those over sometime in the last two or three years.
No, there is nothing to eat in the fridge or anywhere else in my apartment. My oven has a gas leak so I shut off the gas valve probably in 2000. Fortunately, there are thousands of restaurants in the downtown Chicago area, so I've managed to stay alive all this time.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-02-17 04:02:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ohhh, awesome. You live off of liquor, soda, and chocolate syrup! Just realized it..... so that's what makes cool ideas, eh?
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-02-17 04:01:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
And what did that can of Mountain Dew on the middle shelf do to deserve banishment from the box on the bottom shelf?
Submitted by Miss_Sim (user info) at 2004-02-17 04:01:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry - a bottle of Newcastle?
Submitted by Miss_Sim (user info) at 2004-02-17 04:00:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Is that a can of Newcastle Brown Ale?
Submitted by Miss_Sim (user info) at 2004-02-17 03:59:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm just wondering if you have anything that can be eaten in that fridge? Well, a meal at least (I'm not counting the chocolate sauce either).
Submitted by kgbpasha (user info) at 2004-02-17 03:58:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
My fridge is an exact replica. Except the door opens on the
other side. And it's a slightly different color...gray. And
it has nothing in it but a tray with lemons and a box of Arm
and Hammer and a small box of printer paper.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-02-17 03:57:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So...
If I go over there, would you pour me a nice, cold glass of soy sauce, on the rocks?
This post felt like an episode of Cribs.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-02-17 03:56:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I have to wonder about the chocolate syrup when I don't see any milk in the fridge...